A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2006-11-20 20:10:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
LMAOoooooooooooo that was a great poke! I'm sorry I meant joke! LOL
2006-11-20 23:09:37 · answer #1 · answered by Dana A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
these two were wunnerfull!!!!!!!!
ha ha ha ....u've got me head ovr heals!!!!!!!....wondeful u r!
2006-11-21 04:18:41 · answer #2 · answered by catty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finally not something anti-woman! Now anti-alcohol, is there something wrong with you? Hee hee joking. I'm sure you're sane and all that. =D
2006-11-21 04:58:04 · answer #3 · answered by Pink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's funny - good job we're humourists - wonder if 'other religions' had a laugh too?
2006-11-21 11:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That must have been a sermon and a half !
2006-11-21 07:15:48 · answer #5 · answered by Scotty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMFAO, again. im at work and im trying to hold it in. i need to quit reading your jokes until i get home
2006-11-21 04:19:18 · answer #6 · answered by Aaron m420 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for the laugh.
2006-11-21 06:08:21 · answer #7 · answered by St Harpy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahahaha very nice
2006-11-21 05:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by mamatha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thanks! for the laugh that was great joke.
2006-11-21 05:05:11 · answer #9 · answered by Zei 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋