Letting go?

Question

So my problem is probably as old as time itself. Met a man and fell heads over heels in love. There was definitely a connection from the first (possibly imagined on my part). He has no feelings for me other than friendship and carries around more baggage than the Titanic could handle (ex girlfriend being his soul mate and he's been trying to get her back for the last year and a half etc). I really need to know how to let go of the pain of feeling for someone who doesn't feel for you. How not to expect anything. Making matters worse is that we work together so see each other every day. I know in my head it's all wrong but my heart doesn't want to see it that way. It's a crazy place to be because I can't be me and become this highly sensitive, not very nice person when he's around. Any advice on how to let go of this hurt and move on would be most welcome. How do I look at him as just the friend he wants to be without my heart breaking?

Answer 1

Get busy and take him out of your social list. You cant and wouldnt move on if you still see him and talk to him. And once you decided to do so, stand withit. It wouldnt make the matter any better if you decided to check out on him once in a while. Once you made it to 60 days atleast (detox) without talking to him, you might miss him still after that but you would be surprise at how easier it is to casually see him unlike before. If you went on relapse and found yourself texting or calling him again, its fine. We're just human. Just be sure you'll count back to Day one on your 60-day Detox.

Answer 2

You already know the answer, it is there hidden in the question. "is that we work together so see each other every day."

I have no idea what you do but the answer is simple. Remove yourself from the situation, at a very young age I found there must be a balance. You're carrying personal related things to work, each and every day. This is hindering your productivity both personally and professionally. Reading your question I noticed your description of baggage, I feel perhaps you might have purchased your own set of luggage to compliment his. Look at reality objectively.

The only way to move on is to really MOVE ON. So get the resume out there, tweak it before throwing it overboard. Given the first few attempts might sink to the bottom of the ocean but eventually someone will find the bottle. There is an old saying which goes "don't pooh pooh where you eat," I dance salsa for instance, if I dated a girl from the salsa joint I dance at and things fell through I would be screwed. Things would turn from relaxing to hectic. Raise your sails, find a way to separate things and stop going back. There is plenty of opportunity in this world and there is always something better to be had-the question is, are you ready to move forward?

The answer to "how?" is yes.

The earlier you start the sooner you find dreams and begin living. All the best.

Answer 3

I know where you are coming from. My friend is having that exact problem to date. She fell in love with this guy and thought it was mutual, except it really wasn't - it was more of a sexual thing for him but she has been in denial about it all this time. At least you have an inkling and realize that you must let go. You've made the first most important step and that's understanding the need to let go.

It's going to be difficult and you should understand it will take time. Pain will not go away overnight, unfortunately. So, you have to do things that will occupy your mind since it is the mental conquest you must overcome. That's what you are up against, the mental anguish that comes with letting go.

Now, can you accept being just friends with him? Will this suffice? For my friend, that's what her dilemma is - he wants to be friends but she can't accept that. Instead of not thinking about how the relationship led up to the romantic place, she is wondering why he had sex with her, etc. This is not good because she will not have the answers unless she confronts him face-to-face and she doesn't want to because she knows his answers will just hurt her more. So I've tried to get her to see that she needs to stay busy - do something that keeps her from thinking about the situation 24/7. She's driving ME crazy. But I do listen to her analyze it and she does this everyday. This is not something I advise because she isn't letting go - she is torturing herself (and me, but she's my friend so I have to be there for her).

So I would advise a distraction. Let's face it, your heart is already broken when you realized he was not feeling you the way you felt him. You did not have the fulfillment factor and your heart could not help but feel the pain of that. Find something to do to keep your mind off of him. Since you two work together, you should definitely avoid being around him until you are strong enough to deal with the fact that you and he are not where you wanted the two of you to be together.

You've been realistic with yourself all of this time and this will definitely help the healing process. There was a time that I fell in love with this guy and found out later that I was the "other" woman in his life (even though he lied and said I was the only one), I didn't think the hurt would ever go away. The thing is, it went away the minute I accepted that he did not love me as he said he did. I then concentrated on all the things he did not fulfill for me in what I thought was a relationship. Looking at all of his not-so-good traits helped me get him off of my mind. When we fondly remember, it stalls the "letting go."

Best of luck to you. Believe me, you will look back on this one day and feel good because you will have moved on in your life and a Mr. Wonderful will definitely be knocking at your door. Letting go will then be a fond memory.

Answer 4

go out and meet some other people...you'll run into a guy who'll sweep you off your feet so fast you'll wonder why you were infatuated with him in the first place...

good luck^^

Answer 5

Love cant be onesided,and most importantly,even if u two do form a love relationship,the ex factor will always trouble.So be wise,not every one we like is we get.You are knowing about him and unless u know him,how can u love him?