Why is it that the more I love someone, the more I can be angry at that person for doing something stupid?

Question

I could care less if a stranger on the street did stupid things, but if a family member did that same exact act, I get so flustered! Any thoughts on that?

Answer 1

When a stranger does something stupid it's one isolated incident.
You could assume that they are otherwise a sensible person.

With your family you kind of have a back-catalogue of things they've done that annoy you so you unleash your general anger at them with each annoying thing they do.

Also disappointment. That makes people react worse, when they expect more of someone.
imho anyway :)

Answer 2

The reason is your love. Love leads to expectations. You expect them to be perfect in all aspects as you prefer.
The person who cares more for his self-esteem will always do what you are doing now. There is nothing wrong in expecting your own members to do things perfect. Only thing you should be careful is the way you express your thoughts.
When you are able to control your words while on emotions, then that is the great achievement. Those controlled and focussed words can tune those persons perfect and make them stay in touch with you always.
Everything is within our reach. It only depends on how we try and the way we try.

Answer 3

Sounds like you're pretty judgmental of your loved ones. Saying that someone has done something "stupid" is way less than charitable. After all, we all make mistakes..."to err is human".

Perhaps it will help you to think of that when you or anyone around you does something wrong. Perfectionism is a sure-fire road to unhappiness for the perfectionist. That person will always be disappointed with himself and others, and actually drive them away.

And besides, really, should you be judging others?

Answer 4

We are easily disappointed in people we love. That is why we get angry at them for doing stupid things. We don't want anything bad to happen to our loved ones, so we hate it when they do something stupid that could hurt them.

You are not alone on this. It is completely normal.

Answer 5

Perhaps because you love and repsect them you have put them on a pedestal, so that when they do something that is stupid in your eyes, they slip off that pedestal.

Remeber, the higher you put them, the further they have to fall. It is also more diappointing when someone you have a high opinion of does something that you feel is not living up to your expectations of them. So I guess the flaw (if you will) lies with oneself rather than the family member

Answer 6

Read and practice the techniques in the book,
"Working With Anger" by Thubten Chodron.

Excellent Question !!

THANK YOU, R.N. - with Masters Degree.

Answer 7

Well they are your family for one, so you're not afraid to show them your true self. You wouldn't say anything to a stranger because you don't feel that what they do reflects on you and you're more concerned with what they think of you.

Could this be why?

Answer 8

Because the more you invest your heart in someone else, the more you expect..high standards..and when they do something "stupid" it hurts more. You would expect them to respect that if they hurt themselves it hurts you just as bad-also known as the ripple effect.

Answer 9

i feel what you are talking about i deal with person in my life that do stupid stuff and yet i love them right on.sometimes i have a feeling of giving up on them because they make bad chooses.

Answer 10

Maybe you have some control issues, and you think their behavior reflects on you, or you think they should do what you would do.