2006-11-20 16:28:42 · 13 answers · asked by Creepy Man2 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.
The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."
2006-11-20 18:38:40 · answer #1 · answered by Electric 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for the great question. I'm takin' notes. And just remember you asked for it!!!
Note that for my kids I always just change "bar" to "restaurant" and "beer" to "sandwich", etc.
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer ............ and some of those peanuts."
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A guy walks into a bar and there's a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse tending bar before?" The guy says, "It's not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place."
My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing. She's just having contractions."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
-- Steven Wright
Proudly showing off his new apartment to me very late one night, my crazy friend led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that brass gong for?" I asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," he replied.
"A talking clock? How's it work?"
"Watch this," he says. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"
Two guys walk into a bar....which is really stupid because the second guy should have seen the first guy run into it and ducked!
2006-11-21 01:13:15 · answer #2 · answered by All who wonder are not lost 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay I have some at my arsenal:
1) Okay, there are 2 fish in a tank.
One fish says to the other fish
"Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
2) What's the hardest part to cook on a vegetable?
The wheelchair!
3)Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
Because all the best jumpers, runners and swimmers are in the USA.
4) What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Dang, how do you breathe through that thing?
Okay, these are pretty funny, but I guess #3 is dirty... HA! Zing! *bam dum chee* have a merry laugh!
2006-11-21 00:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by soul3n 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Frank goes to the doctor and has a bunch of tests done because he's not feeling well. The doctor comes in the exam room with the results and says, "Frank, I have some good news and some bad news. First the bad news: You have AIDS, Hepatitis B, Gonorrhea, and the Plague. But we'll put you in the hospital and feed you pancakes."
"Will pancakes cure me?" Franks exclaims.
"No", says the doctor, "it's the only thing that will slide under the door."
2006-11-21 00:38:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is 8 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!
2006-11-21 00:48:04 · answer #5 · answered by BAJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom's left leg is shorter than her right leg so she walks in circles.
You hear the one about the broken pencil? It had no point
How do you get your best friend out of a blender? With a straw
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great summer? Because he had a really lousy fall!
2006-11-21 00:31:29 · answer #6 · answered by DanTheMan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so this guy walks into a bar... ouch
a guy is sitting at the bar when all of a suddeny the peanuts start talking to him "oh ur so handsome, lovely shoes, i like ur tie, great smile" the man asks the bar tender what's going on, the bartender says "the peanuts, they're complimentary"
a horse walks into a bar the bar tender asks "why such the long face"
two peanuts walk into a bar, they were a-salted (asaulted)
2006-11-21 02:32:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does the IRS call their form 1040?
~Because out of every 50, you get 10 and they get 40.
2006-11-21 00:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by Yay for Summer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there was a number 8 and a number 0 walking down the road....#0 says to #8.."i like your belt"
2006-11-21 00:30:43 · answer #9 · answered by free-spirit 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A horse walks into a bar,(or a diner or whatever) & the bartender (or waiter/waitress)says to him, "Hey, Buddy...why the long face?"
***groans & rolls eyes*** LOL! It's so stupid, it's funny...
2006-11-21 00:36:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋