4yr, old won't go #2 on potty...?

Question

Son is 4yrs. He's been PP trained for 8 ms, out of diapers for 6. I knew he was ready for #2 on the potty 6 mns ago so I took diapers away. They were a crutch. Figured if he went in his pants a few times it'd change. Nope. I was still cleaning him up. Then I started having him clean himself up. Still didn't work. Fast foward 2 now. He still goes in his underwear. But w/in the past 2 weeks, he has started holding everything in. He's never had a bad experience so, I can't see why he's scared of one. I actually got him ON the potty last week, and he DID GO. It was easy and smooth, no problems, He was happy and felt better. Good consequences, right? WRONG! He's STILL holding it in! We took him to the E-room last nite to make sure he wasn't constipated & he's not. They gave him a suppository & he held that in too!! Dr's were totally at a loss because he's not blocked up. He just won't go! PLEASE HELP!! SOMEONE out there must have had this problem!!!! (Edited for space)

I am calling the pediatrician in the morning to find out what I can do. The Dr. suggested if he doesn't start going w/in another week, to call a psychologist! :( My next problem is sending him to preschool. he goes 3 days/wk, 2.5 hrs each. I have to work when he's in school. Do I send him in Pull UPs? do I send him in underwear? Do I not send him? He has to be fully potty trained for school. Do I white-lie to them and say he was constiptated and "sorry for the accident"?? I work across the street so getting there is not a problem. Will I scare him for life if he has an accident in school? Will it' "cure him"? I thought school might help, him seeing the other kids go potty, but it didn't! :0( He's been in a pull up all day, he only has 12-15 pair of underwear, I go thru them in only a few hours. No underwear is not an option, he gets my furniture dirty! I sure hope someone can help!

11-21-06: I have done everything that so far everyone has suggested. Bribes, toys, places, taking things away. Nothing works. I ask him ALL THE TIME why he doesn't want to go on the potty. He simply says, "Because I don't want to" I told him he should go on the potty like a big boy, and he said, "But the poopies will come back". I think he thinks if he holds it in long enough, it will go away and he will never have to go again! However..we all know that is not true. He asks me, "Where does the poopies come from?" (He asks that about everything: the sky, trees, rain, tv, lol) So I tell him, "It's the food your body doesn't need" or something similiar. What else do I say? Can't say much more, he'll stop eating! (He's 4, amazing how much "power" they have)

I might have to go w/ the answer about ignoring it totally. However, w/ school and me having to change pullups will be kind of hard to ignore. So, I'm stuck there.

Keep the suggestions coming!!!

UPDATE 11-22-03-6.....I wanted to update so I could help someone out there in the future........We went to the pediatrician. He said, it's not control over his parents...it's control over his BODY. This is common w/ kids his age. He feels he is losing a part of HIMSELF, thus he is losing control. A BM is one thing you cannot really control, and that scares him, so...in order to keep "control" over his environment, he holds it in. We are still in pullups, and he's got a rash worse now than he did when he was in diapers (adult food vs bland/baby food). He's still holding it, but I"m not making such a fuss, and I'm trying to get more fiber in his diet. Lot's of bran and whole wheat. (He doesn't like prune juice, or raisins!) Thanks everyone for all your help!

Answer 1

I remember a wise woman telling me once that my daughter would be totally toilet "learned" by the time she was in high school. Took much pressure off. Once I learned to relax, she did also. She didn't get any attention good or bad. We lead by example. She followed our lead and within a month or so was going by herself. Being in diapers a while longer wasn't traumatic at all, only my ego, for other mothers and family members must always add their two cents worth. Ignore it and do what is best for your family Just relax. it will all come together in time

Answer 2

I have the same problem with my 4 year old. She has been potty trained for almost a year, and has gone #2 in the potty a few times, but only if I won't put a diaper on her. She has some type of anxiety about going #2 in the potty, and I figure that it would be better to let her go in a diaper instead of holding it in. I have tried rewards of all kinds, bikes, toys, a shopping trip. Now I am starting to potty train my 22 month old, so out comes the little potty, I thought maybe that would help her, she could go #2 in the little potty, but that hasn't worked either. So this is what I am doing now, it may sound cruel, but I would rather her go #2 in the potty by the time she starts school next year, so I have told her that if she doesn't start using the potty then she will get no present for Christmas. I don't know what else to do. I thought that if I just let it go she would start going on her own, but it has been almost a year, and we have had no success. Good luck!!

Answer 3

this is what i had to do with my son when potty training him. I had to put his potty in a tent that i had bought from walmart. I did that and then fromt then on whenever he had to go he went into the tent. He thought that was so cool going in the tent to go potty and when i empted out his potty i made him come with me to show him where i dumped it and told him see this is where your pee or poopy goes. after a week or so i told him why dont you try going on the big boy potty now like.... i used his daddy but you can put whoever you want in there. Every since then he was fine using the potty maybe try that.
GOOD LUCK
what the tent did for my son was gave him is own little personal space also and that was very helpful.

Answer 4

Sounds like he's discovered a source of power, which is unfortunate. He's figured out a way to upset you and to take control over your household. If possible, I'd back off a bit and give him back the control he's craving. You said that he's never had a bad experience and shouldn't be afraid to go on the potty, but then recently it sounds like he's had a bunch of bad experiences, with holding in and suppositories and all.

Answer 5

Hmmm. Sounds like the stress has built up on everyone over this. Have you tried bribery? It worked for me. Just get some small toys that he will really like and tell him with a smile that every time he goes in the potty he can have a toy. It took my son two days to get the idea and get going.

Answer 6

So what is the payoff for him?

He is getting your attention and a big fuss is being made over him.

Stop doing it. All of it and every time. He knows what he needs to do. When he stops getting a reaction out of you he will go.

Answer 7

If you change his diet and add more juice & fruit & fibers to ease up the strain. Maybe the strain scares him.

Answer 8

Give him rewards every time he does it because he will feel like hes doing a good job.

Answer 9

He is way too old for doing this.A 4 year old should be able to tell you why,what's bothering him.Just talk to him ,have you done that?.

Answer 10

could it be fear of the potty