I'm so confused right now in my life. I was raped about 6 months ago, but I have healed completely. I am very much over it and its just now apart of my past. But I was a virgin before it happened and I haven't dated since. I'm not sure if I can be intimate with a guy unless we date for a long time. The reason for that has only half to do with what happened, the other because I'm incredibly self conscious (even though I have never been called ugly). Though I really do feel like I have a lot more to offer a relationship other than sex.
My real question is, am I ready for a relationship? Or should I just wait until Im totally comfortable with sexual contact?
...Hope this wasn't too confusing.
2006-11-20 14:08:06 · 23 answers · asked by PinkGem 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Of course...take baby steps.
Who said a relationship has to include sex anyhow? if that's a pressure...then that's not something you need right now.
In fact, what is most important right now is that you establish a healthy relationship built on trust. If the person you are dating does not understand that, then that's not a healthy relationship. Just take things nice and slow, and maintain your control of the relationship.
2006-11-20 14:11:06 · answer #1 · answered by cosper123 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Believe me when I say RAPE stays with you a long time. Many never get over it. You think you are beyond it but it will dictate your feelings for a long long time. To help you should get counseling.
Many women who get raped have problems with sex or men. They tend to either be very sexual having many partners to kill the pain or they are more fearful of sex.
Counseling (even for just a short while can help) should be your first choice. The next should be to talk about it. Do you have a close friend? Then you should date more not less. You need to feel comfortable with men again. Keep all sex on the back burner. Just tell the guy you must know him real well first. If he does not understand this he is not worth keeping anyway. The only time men will get impatient with you is if they only want you for sex or if they are too insecure and fell they must perform, or if you lead them on sexually and then cut them off. Stay away from all that. Start as a friend and get to know each other.
Believe me when I say sex is unimportant in the early steps of a relationship as it can make things cloudy. Find out about the true guy and then if you have stong feelings for him give it a whirl.
Just make sure you take care of you first. Rape is force and power. It can make you feel vunerable and not safe with any man.
But once again, there are some real terrific men out there that would understand. They are gentle and kind and treat a woman like a queen (I have one). You just need to take your time and find the right one. Dont let this man who raped you steal your LIFE, try to move on and be happy.
2006-11-20 22:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only confusing thing I didn't get was....are you wanting to know about the sex?...or relationship?...I think you should go for trying a relationship or some sort of companionship.....but to be honest I do not think getting intimate with someone is the best idea for a while. Why?...because sharing yourself like that is special....and given what you have been through....it needs to be tip toed on with caution. Ask yourself if you get used will it bring out or re-hash the feelings of being violated from being raped? And because as you mature you will see that it may take a very special man to help you through this, understanding and sincere. I would make sure I had that before sexually giving myself up.
I commend you for being almost "healed" but until you get touched again you may have some eerie feelings. So all I am trying to say is make sure you know the guy and trust him and he knows you! This will save you alot of heartache!
Have a wonderful night!
2006-11-20 22:16:50 · answer #3 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If half of the reason youre unsure is because of the rape, then you still aren't fully over it. I know how hard it is to be sexually comfortable with other people after an event like yours, and more often than not it will take quite some time for you to build up enough trust in someone to have sex with them. It's a massive step to take for any survivor of sexual abuse, so be sure of what you want first. Also remember, sex isn't essential in relationships, and if you feel under pressure to provide it, don't do it. Definately wait until you know 100 percent you are ready, or you could be left with some damaging feelings afterwards.
Sorry to hear about your past, but goodluck with the future.
2006-11-20 22:15:52 · answer #4 · answered by tahanni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are ready you'll be ready. To ask a stranger here if you're ready won't work. Only one person can answer that question. YOU. I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you seem to have adjusted well. When you are ready you will seek out a relationship or it maybe it will just happen. As with healing, it takes time and nothing more.
Best of luck and God Bless
2006-11-20 22:13:05 · answer #5 · answered by rudytute 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U should wait because if your not comfortable why rush? U went through something horrible & if u do start dating 2 soon he might want more than u can give him SO take your time And I'm very sorry 4 what happened 2 u
2006-11-20 22:13:34 · answer #6 · answered by lost in translation. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ask yourself whether you are ready or not, i think you should wait. You'll get your answer the day you'll find the person you'll love and feel comfortable to go further in your relationship. Don't be rough with yourself and remember that we all have a lot to give to people we love. Wish you the best of luck! PS: I'm proud of you you got over all what happened to you. Tumbs up! Congrats!
2006-11-20 22:13:34 · answer #7 · answered by domy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should start dating because not ever relationship you’ll have has to be completely sexual. And I think to an extent relationships help one become more comfortable sexually. So I would say give it a try and if it doesn’t fit you then I suggest waiting but going for it.
2006-11-20 22:16:40 · answer #8 · answered by Me. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there someone you are involved in, or someone with potential for a relationship?
If there is, then why not go for it. As long as you feel comfortable explaining what happened to you and if he'll take things slowly with you. I think you should take the plunge and see what happens. If it's too difficult for you, then at least you learnt that early on.
I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you, I hope they caught the bastard and chopped his willy off.
2006-11-20 22:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by iliketorideigohago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u should give yourself a little more time...im sorry to hear what happened to u....let ur soul heal completely...build a relationship with this guy or whoever u choose to be intamate with...let him know what happened and IF he's sensitive and really cares for u then he's a keeper and it'll be better for the both of u...dont rush sex..it is a gift we women have to GIVE to men...not for men to tske from us or expect to recieve....good lucks and God bless
2006-11-20 22:14:16 · answer #10 · answered by truthgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋