I have dated the same man for 5 yrs. Should I give him more time?

Question

He practically lives at my house, but he has a bunch of kids who cannot seem to get out on their own. He has his own home. and they move into his house, and they move back out then another one moves in and moves back out. The last one to move out is 30 yrs old and has a pregnant girlfriend. His 30 yr old son busted up the glass covering on his wood desk on purpose then let his dog loose while he was drunk and it got hit and killed. I feel like 5 years is long enough to date someone without at least a lets talk about marriage. He says its because I harp on his kids, and I do because they should be on their own. I think I would like to explore other relationships, but everytime I do, he becomes all over caring and starts being all caring and zooming in on my every move. I feel like if he didnt ask me to marry him, what I do is not his business. Its ok for me to go out and date other guys and be available. I am tired of this. What do you guys think?

His 30 yr old son is an alcoholic with no drivers license. He is basically a mooch and has no intention of ever getting out on his own. He told his dad he wouldnt get married because public aid would give them money for their baby if they didnt get married. The mother collects WIC while they are living with my boyfriend who makes over $100 thousand a year. I raised 2 kids alone. My 2 kids who are 18 and 21 support themselves and my daughter doesnt live at home anymore. My son does because he works full time and goes to jr college 3 days a week after work. Rule in my house is you have to pay your share when you get out of high school and get a job. It worked. Nobody free loads here.

I believe if he wants his kids to live in his house, he needs to stay in his house and enjoy the ride. I personally dont want him at my house all of the time because he cannot stand to go home because his grown up kids will not respect his privacy. The issue is also that I will not marry him if he doesnt set some firm boundaries with his kids. They have walked in while we are having sex. I am sick of it. They are mooches. He comes to my house and makes a wreck out of my home because his kids wont leave his house. I wanna date and have some fun before I am too friggin old. I am 40!!!!!

Answer 1

sounds like you need a life of your own!! you should be dating because it sounds like your relationship with him is going nowhere.maybe you need to go out of town for dates if he follows you.

Answer 2

Its a modern age, explain to him you want your relationship to go even further, then ask him to marry you.
If he puts you off, break up with him. Then give him a little time. If he really loves you, he will come back, and he will marry you.
Just remember, if you guys do get married, buy a smaller home with two bedrooms, and in the spare bedroom, put a really uncomfortable bed in it. They will come for a visit, but they won't stay long.
If you really love him, have him move totally into your house, and let him give his house to his kids(adults).
If he puts you off too long,and if you really feel there is not much more you can give, then by all means, explore those other relationships.
I wish you happiness in whatever path you choose.

Answer 3

i think you need to respect his family. granted, at 30 his children should have lives of their own, but you never said what causes all this moving in and out. there may be good reasons. and what kind of a father would he be if he threw out his kids when they need him?
whether their reasons are good or bad, you need to respect his feelings for his children and back off. you've made your opinion known, and undoubetedly he responded. agree to disagree on this and don't lecture him. obviously, he resents it (as would I), and frankly, if they keep moving in and out and you keep harping about it, NO, he's never going to ask you to marry him, because you would make his home life miserable.
if you really can't just live with his family arrangements, then be honest, tell him about it, see if you can come to some sort of compromise (you could marry and live at your place, and he could still have the other house, where his children would be welcome), and if not, then move on. either way, get off his back.

Answer 4

First do you have kids of your own? if not then shut up you dont know what it is like and yeah when you harp on his kids you are offending him aswell. Maybe he is not the marrying type why get married? leave the kids alone yeah they might be old enough and ugly enough to look after them selves but hey leave them be. try being nice and getting along with them you never know things might change. Good luck with it all, sorry if i came across nasty.

Answer 5

Well honey if you cant get along with his kids theres really no point on marrying this man. When your in a relationship and your partner has kids, to your partner his kids are his number 1 priority and if you cant be #2 on his list you shouldnt be in it. Until you can understand this, than maybe you should just move on.....

Answer 6

After 5 years of the same stuff you need to make a change because by now you know he's not going to.

Don't let him sucker you again with his half-hearted attention when you're ready to move on.

5 years is way to long to be miserable.

Answer 7

Run Forest Run! Jeez do you want to take care of his kids for the rest of your life!? Quit wasteing your time on this bunch of losers!!!

Answer 8

I think this guy has too much on his plate already. U need to move on.

Answer 9

well we ar in the 21 century u ask him.

Answer 10

I think 5 years is enough ... he won\'t change .. I think you should go for someone better :)

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