My dad's been cheating on my mum for about 2 years and it's killing me and my mum! My younger sister doesn't know, i'm 17 and finding it hard to cope with it as they argue all the time and my dad doesn't feel guilty at all and sees my mum as an annoyance! I hate him but I have to put up with him doing this with a selfish bottle blond b##ch who has apparantely been shunned from her church cos of it - my dad's hardly attractive! He's 61 and she's about the same age as my mum, he doesn't see why I should care about it, he's completly heartless! How can I make him feel guilty?
2006-11-20 12:23:12 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I want him out but my mum doesn't want to upset my sister! And he says that she doesn't have the right!
2006-11-20 12:27:59 · update #1
Fran: Nothing is as devastating to a marriage and the females of the family than a father who cheats on his wife. Fran take care not to think that all men are like your father. There are honest good fathers and dads who don't sleep around. Your father is in the process of making the BIGGEST mistake of his life and is going along with it whole heartedly !!! I've personally have seen the damage done emotionally, to the girls in this type of situation.
My heart goes out to you, Fran - it hurts, I know! You asked; "How can I make him feel guilty" ? The answers is - you can't !!! Guilt ( the type which promotes positive change) comes from a person who has a HEALTHY shame core. This would ensure that your father would feel guilty and change. But; since your father has an UNhealthy shame core - he does not feel any guilt nor remorse. He will keep performing his adultry until the consequences come tumbling down on him like a ton of "bricks". This is where your mother comes in. She needs to seek counselling with a good counsellor and follow the instructions he or she gives her [mother]. Your mom may have to leave your dad. It is important to NOT run your dad down in front of your younger siblings. Fran I can feel your anger in your posting and I don't fault you on it. Your father is 61 years and if he thinks that the bottle blond "town pump" is going to be there for him in a few years - he is also, stupid ! Believe me, Fran; if your dad knew the damage he was doing to you he WOULD stop in his tracks and mend his ways. Again; not all guys are like this. A lot are but a lot aren't too. Take your time and find a good guy out there when you feel up to it some day ! Good luck to you "Fran" !!!
2006-11-20 13:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of obvious that your dad does not have a heart. You need to convince your mum to leave your dad, and the excuse of not upsetting your younger sister is almost like an avoidance of what your dad is doing to her. Surely, getting your younger sister out of that nasty situation is going to help her in the long run. If she doesn't already know he is cheating then she will find out sooner or later and then she wil be angry and YOU and your mum for not telling her, whereas if you tell her she will only be angry at HIM. You can't make someone feel guilty... Only he can make himself feel that so unfortuently it isn't something you are going to succeed it. All I can suggest is that you should try and talk your mum round to leaving him. He sounds like a ****. And as for the "bottle blonde *****" I think that if you ever get the 'pleasure' of meeting her - give her a slap! She deserves it for breaking up a family.
I hope it gets sorted out soon. Good luck :-)
2006-11-20 23:53:47 · answer #2 · answered by brumbeep 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that even though you think your sister is unaware of the affair, she is not stupid & will feel the bad atmosphere around the home.
Best thing for all concerned is a split.
Your father, from what you say, has no regard or respect for anyone in the home. All threee of you should tell him to go. After all, he is the one in the wrong. You will never make him feel guilty & who would it help anyway?
Your Mum, judging from your age & your Dad's age, is still a relatively young woman. She still has time ti live a happy, stressfree life. Dump hin - NOW!
2006-11-20 18:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will NEVER be able to make him feel guilty. There is something in him that is hardened to the effect of his actions on his family - otherwise he couldn't do it. For all of your sakes he would be better off going off with her, but he obviously likes to have it both ways.It's up to your Mum to deal with what he's doing that affects her. It's up to you to deal with the effect of his actions on you and you alone. If he is causing you to be ashamed and embarrassed - tell him that. If the rows are upsetting you - tell them that when they're together. Don't waste your anger on the girlfriend - he's probably spinning her some line about your Mum being a witch. Accept that your father puts a low value on his family. Let that knowledge sink in and then decide how you want to respond. Find someone you can trust to talk to.You can't change anyone but yourself.
2006-11-20 18:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by Frankie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yell at him! lol, seriously though, explain to him how you feel (in an angry manor if you want, seeing as you have the right to because he's ruining you and your siblings childhood). Tell your mother that even though it may be hard to accept, she needs to get a divorce because he wouldn't be doing this if he still loved her. Tell her that you'r family will be better off with his cheating *** out of the picture. I'm sure that it'll eventually get thru her head but maybe letting her know how much it's hurting you will spead up the process. Best wishes.
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let me just add one more thing to those people who are saying that it's just between your parent and leave them alone or respect your dad and don't "hate on him" because he was with you throught thick and thin... IF YOUR PARENTS GAVE ONE **** about YOU they would consider YOUR feelings in this situation, they are already adults and should know how to be responsible enough to understand that YOUR future is at stake. THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing in a marriage after you have children is THE CHILDREN. Period. The End.
2006-11-20 16:32:27 · answer #5 · answered by Rhiannon 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally i would hunt down the bottle blonde biatch who is causing this problem and give her the biggest pasting of her life (b*tch slap her good and proper)...
then if your father wants to be a d*k and give you grief use the "im 17 what do you expect me to do when its her thats breaking my family apart and your just letting it happen. Ive tried to speak to you but you ignore how this is affecting me and (your lil sis)... then say that the father you grew up with has disappeared and has become so self absorbed that he has forgotten who he is"
He will be so shocked that his petty actions has caused such a huge impact on your life that he might even apologise!!!
But seriously though... people fall in and out of love... if your mum and dad cant resolve this then maybe it would be better they go there separate ways....
Good luck with whatever happens and im sorry that this is causing you so much emotional grief...
2006-11-20 21:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by Cat ( " , ) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from what you have said about him, i really don't think there is anything you could say or do that would make him feel guilty, could you, your mother and your sister move out and get a place just for the 3 of you and leave him to get on with his sad little life, i hope you can find a way around this horrible situation, good luck
2006-11-20 22:03:06 · answer #7 · answered by bluebell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least sit your mum down and ask her if she's prepared to suffer his humiliation, and if your sister will forgive her for allowing this to be done to herself when she's older.
Tell her life is short, it's better that she finds someone better sooner than tolerate that behaviour.
You might even want to give your mum an ultimatum. Promise her that you'll leave if she continues abusing herself with him. Give your mum a push to do what is right.
If she accepts then it's just as if she's giving permission for him to behave as he is.
Would you consider telling your sister what's going on?
2006-11-20 13:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you are caught in the middle of this disastrous situation but you are the child and this is a problem that must be worked out between your parents. In the meanwhile, you need to seek help for yourself from a trusted adult in your life - a relative or even a school counselor perhaps. This is turning your life upside down and you must confront both of your parents so they will understand their problem is extremely harmful to the rest of the people in this household. They need to stop behaving like a couple of immature children and start behaving like responsible parents, especially your dad. I wish you the best! If all else fails, you might need to contact the department of social services.
2006-11-20 12:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by Bethany 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The best way to make him feel absolutely terrible is to walk up to him and say You know what dad Im glad you are in my life right because one day when I meet my partner he will have none of you qualities. You dont have to feel guilty its not your fault parents argue but they should not involve the kids. Believe it or not this is going to make you a stronger person.
2006-11-21 07:10:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋