15 years ago I was involved with a married guy and became pregnant. We parted ways due to some unfortunate events. Our separation was very angry and bitter. I haven't heard nor seen him since. Now my 15-year old son asked me who his father is and if I knew where his father was. What should I do?
2006-11-20 11:41:10 · 10 answers · asked by MsMoneyPenny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You'd better find out.
2006-11-20 11:42:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him. He is old enough to handle the information. You should be totally honest with him, but do not say anything that would make him dislike his father before he ever knows him.
Also, explain to him about discretion. If his father was a married man, he may still be married to the same woman. Having a 15 year old son show up on the doorstep could cause a lot of problems for dear old dad.
He may just want to know about him, and never try to find him....no emotional bond there yet. If he does insist on contacting him, I think you should help him, but maybe contact him at work or through e-mail if you can find any information on his whereabouts. You may not even be able to find him.
It will probably be one of the hardest things you do, but it will create a stronger bond with your son, and it will also let your son know that his interest and feelings are important to you. If you do contact dad, let him know that you don't want child support, or any thing from him, just let him know that someone wants to meet him, his son.
Does he know he has a 15 year old son???
If not, give him time to absorb the information. It would really be a shock.
I would let your son know that he was not the reason for the break-up.
I wish the best of luck to you and your son, and I pray that everything works out for the best.
2006-11-20 20:05:16 · answer #2 · answered by sylvrrain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your son is old enough now to understand what really happend. My opinion is i think you need to tell your son what you just typed in this message and be completely honest with him. Despite what happend between you and the father its not the boys fault, and he has every right to know who is father is. So you should get intouch with the father and let the father know whats going on and give your son that chance to know who his father is. Hope this helps
2006-11-20 21:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by mommyandbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him about the disadvantage or advantage he would face ....either way if being accepted or not by his father ...ACCEPTED : good on him . He has all the right in this world to know his father . NOT ACCEPTED : his father may not even care to know about him . This is the saddest part ...Here , you must explain that to him . Whys ? Answers ! Then let him know that life can be cruel , as it is ...this is where you need to give him all the motherly love he needs ...ALL ! If he decides not to accept what you give , then it is his choice ....finally but not the least : If NOT accepted , LEAD HIM TO GOD , OUR FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN WHO NEVER FAILS HIS CHILDREN ...Hope for the best ...pray about it , for THERE IS NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE LORD ... Luke 1 : 37 ......God Bless
2006-11-20 19:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by srjione 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cant say its not such drama as you can make this situation i know start thinking any way you can to figure it out it is not hard to find someone but some things are better left alone just always be positive to your son how he was even if you knew or not or even if you have bad feelings towards this long gone person his dad don't let your guilt or mistakes be your child's future it was your actions
2006-11-20 19:48:43 · answer #5 · answered by squawwitoutamule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pleas tell him and tell him the truth. My mother lied to me about who my father was until I was 10 years old. My father died with out me really ever getting to know him. I miss that chance to decide whether I wanted him in my life.
2006-11-20 19:46:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well try searching for him first. Try www.zabasearch.com. Then if you got his phone number, try to call him and ask him if he wants a relationship with his son. Tell him the truth. That his son wants to know him. If you get a positive answer then give your son the chance to get to know him better. I think both men deserve that. Good Luck :-)
2006-11-20 19:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ..that's a tuffy. my heart goes out to you and your son. first off tell your son you don't know where his father is. even if you really do know where he is or find out..i don't think you should tell your son. i've seen this before and he would probably want to find him and run off. let him know that you where the one that loves him and choose to stay with him (your son.) don't make him want to leave you to go see his father..when clearly he isn't a father at all.
2006-11-20 19:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by bunty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
interesting.....how the things we do affect others....little did you think 15+ years ago your actions would affect the person who would be your son.
Things like this are turning points in young mens lives.....
.
2006-11-20 19:45:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth.
2006-11-20 19:42:44 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋