She has called me many names and my sister many names. My father seem oblivious to the whole thing. She can't even remember conversations from two hours back. She thinks she is right and that we are wrong. My sister and I are both sick and my daughter, who's five, says she wants to become a nurse to help her grandma. She thinks that I am the worst, meanest person, because I won't allow her to see my daughter. And I am always crabby towards my mom when I see her. I am not sure what to do. Any help?
2006-11-20 10:40:31 · 11 answers · asked by Sarah C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh, Sarah! How many times I have heard your story!
You cannot help your mother to quit drinking. She has to do that entirely on her own. If she asks for your help, give it to her. Prior to that she does not WANT your help.
In the meantime, go to a few Al-Anon meetings and meet people there. Al-Anon will help YOU to cope with the feelings you have. I don't know that there is an AA for kids, but there is Ala-Teen for teenagers who are trying to cope with active drinkers in their lives.
You need strength to deal with this illness in your family. I wish you the best!
2006-11-20 10:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is to contact alanon either by phone or through the website I am posting here. Your mother has a very serious health problem that will only continue to get worse the longer she drinks. I know from experience, I was on the verge of becoming one myself when I stopped drinking 9 bottles of vodka a month, and that was not including beer or wine that I would drink in addition to the vodka. My father-in-law was an alcoholic when he died, even though his youngest daughter and son along with their families thought he quit drinking. I never had the courage to tell my wife the oldest that he was still drinking when he could get away with it. Her sister the youngest daughter is a doctor and her husband is a lawyer, but they were and are still so full of themselves they can't see the truth if it bit them on the nose. Myself being through that hell even not as a full alcoholic, and having been a Drug and Alcohol Advisor in the Navy, knew his little secret and I let him keep it even to this day. Why I have no idea, although when he died, he had been drinking way less than he used to. He actually was trying, as he had to quit to get his license back, then when his health turned, he started back. I knew where he hid the booze and all, as I could find the same places to hide things when I needed to.
What ever you do, please try to get your mother to see a doctor to get help. She can also develop diabetes as an alcoholic which will shorten her life more than ever. Your daughter will make an excellent nurse when she grows up. Whatever you do in the future with her and school, encourage her to study in the areas of alcohol abuse. She could become a nurse and a social worker or study to work with alcoholics.
Also get your father to admit that she has a problem and that she will not get better until he puts forth the love and help to get her to admit she needs help. Get him into the Alanon meetings and they can help him with how to help your mother.
Here is the website for alanon.
www.alanon.org.za
My thoughts go with you and your family
2006-11-20 10:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by handyman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate as my dad drank too. I see by the way you have written that you have that guilt that the alcoholic puts on everyone around them so take responsibility for themselves. If you can get her into a complete rehab facility that would be great but when the alchoholics get older their body completely breaks down when they are away from alcohol for a while. You are doing right in keeping your daughter away from as she sounds pretty undpredictable. You are not the worst, meanest person. Now that you are an adult you can make your own choices to keep yourself and your children away from that lifestyle. Good job!
2006-11-20 10:47:36 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's an adult, she's got to figure life out for herself. The only thing you can do is except the fact that she is a alchy, and come to reason with it. Maybe one day she will get help, or maybe not.
Just remember that no one in this world is perfect. Also, always know that it is your choice to deal with a drunk mother with her short time on this earth, or turn your back away because of your family.
Hard choices that can often hurt.
2006-11-20 10:45:18 · answer #4 · answered by jay_p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you will ever be able to do to magically make your mother a non drinker. The only thing you can do is save yourself. It is not your fault she is like this, however it is your fathers fault for marrying and fathering children with one. Stop the sickness now and walk away and have a healthy life. Hopefully you are close to your wife's family. Make your family with them and your sister.
2006-11-20 10:46:34 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i don't blame you because you don't want your daughter to pick up things from your mother like language, and all. your daughter is 5 and she is going to go to kindergarten soon. you don't want her to start school with those kind of mannerisms. also, try to lock up the liquor cabinet. get your mother an appointment with a psychologist. and i don't blame you for being crabby either, i know you must love your mother, but the insults must get to you after a while. also, try to talk to your parents, your dad seems to think that the best thing to do is to keep out of it. once again, try your best to keep her away from alchohol, because her drinking is not only affecting her personality, but also her health.
2006-11-20 10:56:59 · answer #6 · answered by guess2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sort of in your shoes, my mom does drugs[cocaine] and I just can't let my kids be exposed to this..you have a family to tend to..I don't know how bad your mom is,but mine is on the way to the point of no return..if you know what I mean.The kids really get the rough end of the stick and it hurts to see them go thur what I did. Be strong..what doesn't kill you make your stronger...try and face the facts ...She's not going to stop until she's ready..you can talk until your blue in the face...may GOD be with you and you family..because I no for a fact he has never left my side
2006-11-20 11:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by queenmeplse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help her. Find an Alcoholics Anon meeting near you and attend.
2006-11-20 10:44:59 · answer #8 · answered by rustybones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would try to throw away ur mothers alcohol and hide it from her. another thing u can do is try to figure out why she is drinkin and if she wants to change that enroll her into a alcoholism group. find her a hobby or something. if nothing works i would suggest staying away from her she could be poisoness to you. i used to think talking will solve everything but its not true.
2006-11-20 10:45:42 · answer #9 · answered by dream_girl1414 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she needs to get into rehab asap
2006-11-20 10:42:48 · answer #10 · answered by Bren 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋