Ok... so I just got a phone call from my fiancee.. crying. He finally told his parents that I am pregnant (he didn't want to tell them while he owed them money).. And the first thing his mother suggests is that I get an abortion.. and when he said that wasn't going to happen, the next thing he suggests is that he get a vasectomy.. (he has one child from a previous marriage... it's not like he's fathering a whole clan here) Am I wrong to think that she was out of line? He told her that it is something that both of us had wanted, and my parents are extactic about it.. I mean, I disliked her before, because I can't stand condiscending people.. but now... I just don't know what to think! I just feel so angry towards her.. is my anger misplaced? Am I the one who is in the wrong here? The next time I talk to her (most awkward convo ever) she's more than likely going to talk down to me about the whole situation.. I just want to know if how I feel is just.. or if I'm just being stupid... ?
2006-11-20 10:19:41 · 14 answers · asked by Jennifer M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
wow I can't spell... it's supposed to say ecstatic.. not extactic. Woops, sorry.
2006-11-20 10:22:21 · update #1
A few things.. I already know that she's got an odd view of me.. Last visit with her she gave me plenty of hints that I wasn't wanted as much as his exwife is. And that's another thing.. there's no problem with being able to support this child, the money oweing thing was something really petty.. but she was happy to hear about the child with his exwife. I have a feeling that our interactions are going to be few and far between..
2006-11-20 10:42:41 · update #2
Sorry to say, but maybe she doesn't think too highly of you & that's why she doesn't want her son to have a baby to you? That's just what it sounds like from what you've said.
& no, you're allowed to be angry towards her for suggesting an obortion... Don't do it... She'll get over it & her attitude will change when her grandchild is finally here.
2006-11-20 10:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by liss 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is an appropriate response for any mother to make when she feels her child was threatened. Your mother-in-law suggested to kill your baby, which I would most certainly take as a threat. Apparently this woman feels that your husband, her son, is a failure and will continue to look down upon all of his efforts. Sadly, because you are his wife, you are caught up in her whole idea that whatever her son does just won't be "good enough."
Next time you see her, just nod your head to whatever she says, smile, and when she's finished, tell her to practice safe sex, and go **** herself. But seriously...talk to your husband about how you feel, and how that reference for you two to have an abortion made you feel. Tell him that you feel that his mother will never accept you or the baby and even poses a threat to the baby's survival. With all of this said, tell him that you feel it's not necessary or safe to have the baby around her at all. You're not barring him from seeing his mother, but you don't want the baby to be around his mother without him or you there (never letting your mother-in-law babysit, etc).
I think you have the right as a mother to protect your baby. Your feelings are well founded and you are doing the right thing. Keep that baby safe and happy, no matter what that ***** says or does!
2006-11-20 19:04:25 · answer #2 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have been out of line to suggest an abortion..but if you and your fiance' are owing people money, maybe you are in no position to have a child. A child is alot of work and money. If you and your fiance' don't have a grip on your finances now, what makes you think you will be in a position to even afford another human being? I don't mean to sound crass, or heartless..but it is the honest to god truth. However, getting back to your question... she was out of line. However, if she is going to end up helping you and yours finance this child...I don't blame her. If you don't like the way she is, or her opinion in the matter, just stay away from her! I would. good Luck to the both of you...
2006-11-20 18:28:51 · answer #3 · answered by wherenai 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you are going ahead with the pregnancy, what your mother in law says is null and void what matters is the relationship between you and your partner. It is up to him to handle his mother and to be honest im not sure why he even told you what she said.Are you sure he is totally committed to the relationship? And assuming you say yes why does it matter what she says? You are now talking about your family not hers but on saying that dont hold it against her....as a mum you always think no one is good enough for your son and the beliefs each family have been raised with are always different. Holding grudges can cause a lot of anger and sadness for all parties and if she says something directly to you it is up to your partner to say hey no you cant do that to her this is our decision as a family not yours .......and then let it go .Its going to take time for her to adjust. And on saying that if your boyfriend owes them money this is the time where he needs to start looking on how he handles things....his mum is probaly thinking also of the well being of the unborn child as to if he cant support now ...how is he going to support a child.Good luck for you and your family.
2006-11-20 18:38:33 · answer #4 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_of_3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While, in her own misplaced way, she may be thinking about her son and his future, she had no right to say such things. How is it so easy for people to say you should have an abortion? My girlfriend's mom said the same thing 25 years ago. I still bear the scars of losing that child.
2006-11-20 18:24:06 · answer #5 · answered by jare bare 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to feel angry about her treating you this way. It was very disrespectful, and she should know better. You have nothing to feel ashamed of, you got what you wanted, and she has no right to make you feel otherwise.
What to do: I suggest you warn your fiancee, about your resent towards his mother. Tell him that the next time you talk to her, that you might explode (later you can blame it on the hormones lol). Then when she talks down to you, stand up for yourself. You will get very good satisfaction out of the look of shock on her face. Then leave. Your husbund will most likely be shocked.
2006-11-20 18:33:32 · answer #6 · answered by who_is_audrey 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK..that's just totally wrong for anyone to say. Does she not realize that is her grand baby? What a complete ***** Honey you are having this child w/ith this man because it was meant to be. Be thankful that you are loved and that you love and that the two you have made such a special love together. I hate to say it, but there comes a time when a child puts aside childish things and if that includes you soon to be hubby "putting aside" his mom's critical views then so be it. Please be your own people. Stand on your own two feet, and hopefully so will your fiancee. You two were grown up enough to date, plan for the wedding and create a child (the child that someday might do the same thing!) , so please be grown up enough to say hey, mom, i love you, but this is my life now.
2006-11-20 18:36:11 · answer #7 · answered by aes_bunny 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
anyone who suggests that a woman kill her child in such a cold and callous way and especially when the child was created from a couple in love and not rape or something is a beast. She obviously doesn't have a religious bone in her body. If your fiance was crying then he has been hurt by someone he truly loves, so be careful how you address the beast your future husband loves her. Do what my grandma told me to do with people that are difficult, that you'd prefer not to deal with, but have to, treat them with a long handle spoon, my grandma said. (figure it out it means a lot)
2006-11-20 18:28:52 · answer #8 · answered by Jazz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its an automatic responce for her to saythat. so dont over do it. it has gone further than it should have tho. p.s. he aint a manslut.
e.g.my dad 6 children 5 parners, u got it easy, imagin the XMAS prezzies!
2006-11-20 18:26:19 · answer #9 · answered by bacant8669 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is the one out of line ur not over reacting. i don't think it was right of her to tell u to have an abortion that's not her decision to make and she need to learn that hes big enough to look after himself. Congratulations by the way
2006-11-20 18:25:36 · answer #10 · answered by rk 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋