how do i reconcile with a daughter i havent seen in appx 13 yrs?

Question

ive been a peice of crap as a father

Answer 1

Atleast you are honest! I was adopted and went to meet my real dad when I was 20, and we did not bond, he was kinda weird though! She is still young, so start making up for lost time, and start right now! Good luck, I sure hope it works out!!!

Answer 2

You are taking a huge step towards making up with her. You admitted you were a bad father.

Do you know her address? Try sending her a card with a short note in it. Tell her you know you were a terrible father, but that you would like to try and reconcile with her now. Take it very slow. Simply send her a card each month. If she is willing, you may progress to a phone call each month. From there you may go on to an actual meeting.

Just be sure to go very slowly so she can adjust to the idea of communicating with you. She may not respond to the first card or two. Don't give up. Send a card and short note every month. Let her see that you are truly sorry for being such a bad father.

My own daughter refused to talk to me for 6 years. We got in an argument over her boyfriend at that time. I called her every month to let her know I loved her and was wiling to talk. She finally called me last Feb. when she realized (at 24) that she needed a mom in her life. We are great friends now and talk several times a week. She finally realized that I am not that bad a person.

Answer 3

If it was myself and i know i am a mum not a dad I wouldnt let the chance past me by of at least trying,maybe when you do contact her let her know how you feel from your heart as you have posted here as you feel you have not been the dad you should have but you want to give it a go now. She may say no but i would bet there is an inkling in her heart of wanting to know you. You havent said her age but perhaps she has children or one day is going to have children and the want will probaly be there for them to know their grandfather. If you find it hard to approach face to face and you feel that she is going to get very upset on seeing you write her a letter, but if you do that choose carefully what you write because no matter what you are her dad and she will read that letter over and over again to try and understand why things have been the way they have.I would not put excuses of why things have been the way they are but how you feel now.Make sure you have a phone number or address clearly on the letter for her to contact you but give her time it might take a while to digest.You could chicken out and back off now but you will be always be left wondering of what if . If she is still young she may hold the resentment but as time goes on people mature so dont give up on one letter. Send a few of what you are doing in day to day life everynow and then and always make sure you have up to date contact details.When she is ready she will reach out............Best of luck

Answer 4

She may not want to reconcile; but you will never know until you try. You will just have to take it day by day. Maybe you have been a piece of crap, but it has got to stop somewhere. You have a lotta ground to cover and unfortunately, you have obviously missed things in her life that cannot ever be done again. For you guys to be able to make it, you just gonna have to forget what happened in the past, it's gone. Tomorrow is another and it will be the first day of getting yourself back on track with your little girl. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Tell her that. Apologize. Don't be pathetic, but tell her, "I know I've haven't been there, will you tell me about it?" At this point in time, the best thing you can do with a teenage girl is get her to talk to you. She might not!

Listen to her complain, and carry on, if she's anything like me, she can be very disagreeable. For a point in time, nothing you do will be okay, but you might be able to pull it off. Talk to her, relate to her. Don't call her everyday, but give her your number and tell her she can call you anytime, for any reason. She might not ever call you, but there is a possibility. Take her places, spend time with her.

Get her mind off school, and the fact that you haven't been there, talk about anything, the city, the movies, that dog that lives across the street. Don't talk about anything that might cause her a lot of stress. You can be her vent. Just talk it out and you'll be fine.

Answer 6

First of all,I feel for you. I haven't spoken hardly at all to my Oldest Daughter in over a year,her choice,NOT mine,and it is tearing me apart inside,but as her twin sister puts it"she is stubborn". Maybe you could either write her a letter,or try calling her to see if the two of you can try to "START OVER". You won't know if it will work unless you try,right?(unfortunately for me,it hasn't worked yet) Sometimes it isn't how you want things to be,but rather how the situation made things turn out as they did. At least you are admitting it was at least"partly" your fault,that you weren't there for her. And another important part of all of this,you didn't mention how she feels about reconciliation either,maybe she has been waiting/wanting to talk to you? Either way,good luck,praying for you that this comes to a reunion of Father and Daughter ^j^

Answer 7

Make sure you are the one to make the first move. She may be really hurt and always wondering why you never called or came to see her.. etc. Tell her the truth, that you are sorry for never being there and that you want to come back in her life. Let her know that youve always cared about her and wondered how shes been. Hopefully shell understand and you guys will be happy =]

Answer 8

how old is your daughter? It could be easier if she is younger but that is beside the point. What was your reason. Did you just not care??? My father hasn't talked to his daughter in 4 years and I would really like to know what was going through your mind. TALK TO HER!!! She probably wants to talk to you. She's probably confused and she doesn't feel good enough for you. You are the father and you need to let her know that you love her and always have. She doesn't know that. Let her know.

Answer 9

well, better late than never.

if i were a daughter and hadn't heard from my father in 13 years... most likely i'd be pretty.. pissed at him. *BUT*, there is always going to be something missing in my heart because deep down inside, i would've LOVED to have him there, in my life. and that means i would have hard times connecting w/ men, or having hard feelings about fathers/marriage, etc.... i am a product of divorced parents btw, so i am not completely making this stuff up.

depending on how old the girl is, she may take some time, or a LOT of time, before she starts warming up to even thinking of responding back to u. but it's worth it. perhaps u can let the mother know that u are going to attempt to reach out to your daughter, as respect.

i guess i would advise u to obtain her email or home mail address.... write her a letter, doesn't matter how long, but just honest and heart felt...indicate how you are sorry for the past, and that u understand that she may hold extremely hard feelings against you, and that u don't blame her if she doesn't feel like writing back or communicating with you. *however*, u'd really like to (slowly) get to know her again. start over.... because you have made mistakes, and this was a HUGE one, of missing out on getting to know your own daughter!!! if she can please understand that you truly are sorry, and willing to take as much time is needed for her to think about writing back....give her ur email/mail address, and wait. don't bug her too much.... let her decide on her own. put the ball in her court...

good luck..try not to get upset or hurt if she seems angry, or says hurtful things... it takes time to heal.. in my sister's case, she STILL is trying to heal, and she is 29 years old. my father has kept in touch w/ me, but not really with her, which caused her to resent me... anyways, it is a lifetime of hurt, but slowly and with much effort it can change. so good luck, and be proud of urself for changing your outlook on urself as a Father. take care always, and remember to Always seek things Positive, Healthy and Happy, and try not to regret ur actions anymore.

Answer 10

Don't.

It is not fair to her. It is not fair to her mom. It is not fair to all parties who have been raising her while you were out NOT raising her.

If you reach out to her, you are just going to burden her and bring everyone around down.

If you love her, or pretend to love her, just stay out of her life forever.

Otherwise, you're nothing but a selfish person, acting to make himself feel better, at the detriment to someone he pretends to care about for the moment.