I'm Fourteen and the Person I Love is Eighteen. Hmmm. Odd, perhaps?

Question

I'd first off like to restate what the title says. I am 14 and the person that I love (( I'm certain its not a silly infatuation that most 14 year olds experience )) is 18, 19 in December.

I'm going to give you the abridged version since I've only got 1000 characters to work with. (( IM me if you want the full version: kikiisthemasterofinsanity ))
To start off, we've been dating for nearly a year now. My parents finally caught on and banned us from talking. (( Most people dub that as reasonable. ))
Hmm. You might be thinking 'she's jail bait' or 'he's in it for sex with a minor/he's a pedophile'.
I'm not jail bait. And I've known this person long enough to tell you that though he wants sex like any 18 year old man (( no, I have not given that to him and he understands that I want to wait )) he really does love me.

My question is: How can I deal with this painful situation of being ripped apart? Whats going to happen to us? Your point of veiw. Things like that. Thank you

Yes, I do realize the consiquenses of us being together at this point.

And my parents did tell us, since the approved of him as a person (( Just not his age )), that we can reunite when I'm 16 years old. 1 year and 5 months; not too bad.

But I guess the major issue is that we were talking behind their backs for two months (( I was told not to talk to him end of July )) and when we got caught, we suddenly did not talk at all (( understandable )). I'm just worried about whats going to happen. He IS afterall, moving soon and I dont want to lose the chance of reuniting later.
I suppose my real problem is I need to get reassurence that he will do everything in his power to contact me when I'm old enough. How can I sneak one last call to clarify my concerns?

Thanks for your answers so far, everyone.

Yes, I do realize the consiquenses of us being together at this point.

And my parents did tell us, since the approved of him as a person (( Just not his age )), that we can reunite when I'm 16 years old. 1 year and 5 months; not too bad.

But I guess the major issue is that we were talking behind their backs for two months (( I was told not to talk to him end of July )) and when we got caught, we suddenly did not talk at all (( understandable )). I'm just worried about whats going to happen. He IS afterall, moving soon and I dont want to lose the chance of reuniting later.
I suppose my real problem is I need to get reassurence that he will do everything in his power to contact me when I'm old enough. How can I sneak one last call to clarify my concerns?
Also, I do know that I am young, and that I may find someone else. He's just a very lovely person. His mom even told us that it was ashame I was so young; we were perfect together.

Thanks for your answers so far, everyone.

Oh gee. I posted that twice.
D:
Another quesion: How do I edit that out? Haha.

Anyway.
I'd really rather not talk to my mother about this. She tends to think she's always right and is rather rude about it. And yes, I've told her I find her comments and facial expressions offensive.

Answer 1

I know a lot of people are going to tell you to wait, and I agree, but I know it's hard, so I'll not dwell on that part since I'm sure it'll get plenty covered by other answerers.

Honestly, you never know the way things will turn out. You could be in terrible pain for a time and then it might work out that you are able to date again. Or you might find that, after a few months, you don't feel the same way about him as you did at one time and it won't hurt as much. Perhaps you'll continue contact through letters or email and find ways to spend time together in groups.

I highly recommend a book called "Questions Young People Ask - Answers That Work." It helped me through my teenage years a great deal, from romance issues to moral dilemmas to family relationships and hardships. The people that publish it give it to people without charge as a public service, so it wouldn't be hard to get. In fact, if you really want one, you can email me.

Other than that, I'll just say "I hear ya!" The emotional roller coaster of adolescence is a tough one to ride, but it does come to its end. And then you wish you could experience some of the same things again!

:)

Answer 2

I understand that you can't possibly know any better.
So, I'll try to explain...Everyone's personalities change SO many time between 12 and 25. About 96% of all relationships that start in that age WILL fail. Of course, you, being IN the relationship now can't see that. Nobody that is IN a relationship will not be able to imagine it failing.
Take my warning and write it down somewhere that you will be able to find it later, you'll need it and you'll understand then.
The term "jail bait" is merely the fact that you are under 18. IF your parents wished to push the issue, he can be arrested.
One positive, you speak very articulately. Hopefully you can understand enough to seize this opportunity. If you have never trusted anyone's advice. I would hope you can seen the concern here and at least take mine. At least wait a couple of years, you can't imagine how much that will make a difference.

Answer 3

You sound far more intelligent than most of your counterparts on this site, so I will credit you with an intelligent answer.

What will probably happen in the end, is that you will both drift apart from each other. I know this sounds painful, and difficult, but there is a large age gap between you - the difference between 14 and 19 is huge - and your parents want to ensure that you don't make any mistakes that could affect the rest of your life. They understand that 14 year old's (much like 19 year olds) don't posess the type of self restraint required to prevent babies, and they don't want to see that happen to you.

I understand that you and this boy like each other, but if it is supposed to 'be', then wait until you are older and see what happens.

Answer 4

Well,look at your parents point of view. Would you want your 14 year old daughter with an 18 year old boy? There's not really anything you can do. If he really loves you then he will wait for things to calm down and for you to become of age. You know your parents could press charges and put a restraing order on him if your not careful, then you would never be able to see him. Don't make this any worse than it already is. Just chill and hang in there. If it's meant to be then,run with it. If not then you just got to let it go. Also , it's good to know that you haven't had sex with him.
Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 5

You're so young, sweetie. You need to give yourself time to be a kid and not worry about relationships. It's only natural that you are going to like boys. Heck, the first girl I liked was when I was 5 years old. Find some other things to do like learn an instrument, join a band, take dance lessons. There is so much ahead of you and you will meet so many other guys during your life. And some day, when you're really ready, the right one will come along.

Answer 6

your way too young to see where your parents are coming from. They want you to grow a little more before you decide that he is the only one for you. A wise man once said if it's ment to be then it will be. I think you both should date someone more your age. I think it's great you want to wait and you should. sex is over rated it just makes thing difficult. Good luck and see if someone else lights up your life like he does. Don't pick him so soon you might miss out on the one you're ment for.

Answer 7

It's understandable that your parents want you to wait. I'd listen to them. Until you are older, your parents can put him in jail if you do have sex, or some versions of it. I know you love him, but it's not right for him to be in love with you. It may be tough to hear that, but just wait until you're 18. Could you imagine falling in love with a 14 yr. old boy when you're turning 19?

Answer 8

In my opinion he is too old for you
and you are jail bait if he is over 18
you say you are waiting about sex
keep it up
if he stays around the he does love you
i can not tell you what to do but i do know that forbidding people from seeing each other just makes you want to see them that much more
maybe your parents could lighten up a bit and let him see you at home with their supervision

Answer 9

...i am in the SAME situation right now...me and my boyfriend are 4 years apart.... i don't even know what to tell you because i dont know what to tell myself.... i still talk to him.... and see him... and we haven't had sex yet either... he tells me we can take our time and that he doesn't want me to do anything that i might regret...he is so loving and sweet and intelligent....(he goes to school for science).... he is everything that i see myself being with.... he is a very positive person... now he isn't perfect.. he does some negative things but he has NEVER encouraged me to do anything that i didn't want to do... he thinks it is good that i don't drink or smoke...or make a fool out of myself trying to be someone or something that I'm not..... i think we have alot to talk about... i dont have an I'm.... here is my yahoo... [e-mail]

Answer 10

ok, im not bashing your boyfriend, but why cant he find a girl his own age? please dont take this the wrong way, but you may need
to take a step back and look at your situation.he is almost 19, you are 14. one sexual act and he can be locked up on felony charges. and if your parents ever even thought that something like this happened they would surely call the police, and they would harass him. i dont think this guy loves you, i think he needs to find a women his age and you need to take a step back and leave this alone, you have plenty of time to find love, dont rush it, you dont even know yourself completly yet, so how can you be sure you love him? talk to your mother or another older women about your feelings, and they can help you out. good luck!