she is 17 and they have been together over 2 years and i hate the way he treats her not abusive but selfish. she has a 'friend' who she is getting close to and now she argues with boyfriend and does not want to lose friend but the friend has made his feelings know. she says she loves boyfriend but has feelings which she cant describe for friend. Trouble is i think friend would be good for her and we keep arguing cause i say she cant have both am i wrong
2006-11-20 09:33:56 · 27 answers · asked by pinkjaneyjane 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i know you may not like my answer, but i'm 17 and this is what i would want: for you to let me figure things out on my own, and if i need you're help i would come to you
2006-11-20 09:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a daughter myself and having many friends with daughters (it's the same with son's as well) the more you try to get her to end the relationship the more she will stand by him and stay with him. Say no more about their relationship, let her work it out for herself.The more you say about him the more she will protect him. Soon of her own accord she will start to compare the boyfriend and the friend,and if the friend is the one for her,she shoulkd be the one to choose,not you. After all it will be her who has to live with him.
If you push her too hard, she may leave home and end up with him,even though if you had given her more time, she may make the right choice.As I say the more you push her the more determined she will be to stay with him.
l7 is a difficult age,and remember she is now classed as an adult, so you must start treating her as such and let her grow up, and make her own decisions.
2006-11-20 09:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's almost made up her own mind. I'll bet that if you back off and let her date both, then she will make the right choice. A trick with teens...No matter how close they are to their parents, there's still an "I'll do my own thing no matter what you say" attitude. So...If you show disgust with the "bad" guy, she will be too caught up in her rebellion to you that she won't be able to see clearly enough to dump him.
Also, get the "good" guy's number and call him when your daughter has a fight. Then, have him stop by "while in the neighborhood".
Cards played right...daughter will compare both guys and dump the bad one.
2006-11-20 09:43:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why cant she have both ?? She is 17 for god sake. She can do what she wants. If you dislike the bf just step back and let things happen. The more you push one way or the other the more she is going to make the wrong decision.
2006-11-20 09:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
QUIT THE ARGUING!! You aren't the one who has to live with the turd and telling her she's wrong will get not get you where you want to be--her happiness. Tell her that you trust her judgement to choose a person who will respect her at all times. Stress to her that respect if a primary requirement for two people to be happy together without mentioning the bf. Listen to her very, very carefully after you encourage her to talk about what she feels about the bf and f.
Stress to her that she is worthwhile, lovable, valuable and tell her very clearly how much she means to you.
2006-11-20 09:42:24 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd tell her what I think about the guy and leave the evidence to play out.
I'd also tell her how she should decide between personalities taking in what she needs and the abilities of whoever she's considering to provide and appreciate
no I don't think you're wrong you're right to tell her what you feel. i suspect she even agrees with you and maybe she just doesn't want the hassle of a breakup or doesn't know how best to move on. so long as she has the space and time to decide, life will take its course and she learn one way or another.
2006-11-20 10:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to stay out of it as hard as that seems to do you need to let her learn from her mistakes. I would also do my best to let her know she deserves to be treated like the most speacial thing to her boy friend and thats it. Di not push the friend on her it will not work it never has and never will. Good luck with the selfish jerk and she is lucky to have you.
2006-11-20 09:41:28 · answer #7 · answered by masterzuaba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more things you say about the boyfriend the more she will turn to him, you have to let her sort it out for herself. We cannot chose our childrens partners however much we would like to. I have had countless sleepless nights in the past over this issue, put my feelings across and then had to sit back. They married, seven years later it ended in tears. But I was still there to pick up the pieces.
2006-11-20 09:59:04 · answer #8 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think she should work this one out for herself.Life is hard but you just have to learn some things for yourself.If you try to tell her anything that is wrong with her boyfriend then she is just going to take it out on you.Don't argue with her on this let her learn her lesson cause like I said if you argue with her it's going to pull you two apart.
2006-11-20 09:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by Dannylvr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to mind your own business I'm afraid. It is her life, not yours. Too many parents interfere in their children's lives. You dislike her boyfriend in any case so you are biased against him. Be careful or you may lose your daughter completely, and you wouldn't want that to happen surely.
2006-11-20 10:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by Sandee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋