I have come to the realization that my boyfriend watches porn relatively often, and this makes me uncomfortable in a lot of ways. Its not good for my self-esteem, and makes me feel I'm not good enough for him, even though he's reassured me over and over that I'm great, he loves me, and it has nothing to do with me... We have a good sex life, and he is a great guy otherwise, so its a tough position for me to be in, especially because we've been together over 5 years so I have a lot invested in this relationship. I was wondering if some people who have dealt with a similar situation could give me some advice. How do you "get over" him watching porn? How do you deal with it mentally and emotionally by not letting it bother you? How do you put up with it when you don't like it- personally or for society? I'm certainly not uptight or a prude, but I just don't get it, what's so great about porn??? Please, don't suggest I try to get him to watch it with me, because he doesn't want to!
2006-11-20 08:40:00 · 19 answers · asked by neverneverland 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also, I am a young, attractive, fit, girl, so its not like I'm ugly...not as glamourous as a porn star though, and that's what makes me feel bad. :(
2006-11-20 08:41:06 · update #1
It would probably be in best interest to speak to or read up on sexual therapy. Your question is very "individually personal" and may be better explained by a trained professional who is licensed to give advise...
2006-11-20 08:52:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-07-24 14:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I could ever be in a long-term relationship with a man who watched porn on a regular basis, because as you said, it hurts your self esteem, and that's a perfectly reasonable reaction to the situation. I once had a boyfriend who looked at porn like 5 times a day, and then wouldn't have sex with me when I wanted to! It was like pulling teeth getting that guy to have sex with me, and it's not like I'm ugly or out of shape either. Needless to say, I broke up with him.
Luckily my husband isn't into porn, and never has been. He just thinks it's kind of stupid. His dad was the same way, so I guess it's how you grow up. I know my husband admires other female beauty sometimes (like actresses in movies or whatever) but he rarely brings it up because he knows it would hurt my feelings. And I don't bring up actors that I think are hot, because it upsets him too. It's all about respecting the other person. Tell your boyfriend how much this upsets you, and if he can't give up porn for you, you might want to start looking around for another guy. Some girls are OK with it, and that's fine, but if you're not OK with it, you need to find a guy who doesn't watch it. Porn is not a necessity, and contrary to popular belief, there are a lot of guys who don't watch it, especially when they're in relationships.
2006-11-22 03:03:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just want to get this straight, unless you pay for porn, porn stars aka people starring porn aren't really that cute or glamorous. I guess this is kind of one sided cause I watch porn... a lot... but it has nothing to do with how your sex life is going. It's just some people are... hornier than others *blush*. But anyway, your guy isn't comparing you to anyone else. He just wants to get his rocks off. How could they compare to someone so real and touchable as you? Anyway if you know how beautiful and amazing you are and you have more going for you than the superficial stuff, then you don't have anything to worry about.
And I could never convince you how to feel about porn, but since your not a prude, why don't you try it out yourself. myfreepaysite.com this site is porn for the poor man. They are alll ameteur stuff. Just try a few clips that you'd think you'll be okay with. Like don't look at something heavy if you don't agree with it. You also have things like just watching girls play with themselves a little.
Have you told him before you didn't like porn even on passing? Maybe he's trying to be a good boyfriend and protect you from it.
2006-11-20 09:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by boy_crazy_sasoun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying that he's doing anything wrong, (guys watching porn is VERY normal) I'm going off of how you feel:
Him watching porn is sorta the same effect of him staring down some hot chick right in front of your face, right? You'd rather be able to think you're the only girl he sees. Facing the fact that you're not is what hurts the most, right? You'd kind of rather him be eye balling someone right in the next table at a restaurant instead of him goggling the videos with "perfect" girls? Been there. Done that. There is no true way for you to get over this. He is going to have to love you enough to not do it. Either not do it at all or not do it as much. Please, sit down with him and have a good long conversation about this. If something doesn't change, you'll eventually start resenting him for this and it can cause problems all over your relationship.
2006-11-20 08:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by Teresa Dagger 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok, my husband never watches porn, but I think you should tell him basically what you just said here. It is a little discerning, I mean, when he watches that, it could make you feel like you have to live up to them. I would let him know that it is disgusting and set an ultimatum. He gives up porn or you. Bottom line. If you don't agree with something, get rid of it. One way or the other. Don't ever change yourself or live under these circumstances because he is a horndog.
2006-11-20 08:44:46 · answer #6 · answered by ~~kelly~~ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, ask yourself this.....Is there a chance in heck that he would or could get with a girl like that?....Seriously, only Hugh Hefner can get girls like that!! Hahaha...seriously do you think that this guy would throw away a 5 year relationship just to get with a porn-star? Do YOU think that he would? If you answered no to those 3 questions, then you have nothing to worry about. Yeah, you may not like it, but I'm sure you do things that he doesn't like.
Good Luck and God Bless!!
2006-11-20 08:46:10 · answer #7 · answered by Amber R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like it's an addiction. my ex was obsessed with maximum magazines...and not for the great articles either..lol...and i know how this is making you feel...i felt the same way....and yet i am a young attractive women also. He told me he was addicted to it...that since he was real young he was looking at them cuz he had older brothers and whatnot...and i tried to not let it bother me...but one time i walked into the bathroom and the mag. was open to this pretty chic and the page was all wet....yea...he got off on the page of the girl...litterally putting it all over her face. I was really grossed out...fortunately we had other issues as well...i left him months ago now...but we dated a year and four months...so there was some time invested , but not 5 years...good luck hun!
2006-11-20 08:52:11 · answer #8 · answered by tigerlily 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, i for my area do unlike porn all that plenty. i think of that's uninteresting - a similar ingredient many times. Plus, the boys are so gruesome - it relatively is pathetic. i don't bypass around telling people I definitely have watched some porn in my life. yet while somebody definitely asked me that - i could in all probability tell the certainty in maximum circumstances.
2016-10-22 10:45:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, my guy watches on a regular basis with or without me and it dont bother me.
why the insecurity after five years, you say the sex life is good, but yet you suffer from low self-esteem with this.
please find something worth fighting about.
2006-11-20 08:46:06 · answer #10 · answered by reene2g 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋