How do I get my husband to be more involved in planning for our twins??

Question

I am 22 weeks pregnant with twin boys and my husband seems very apathetic about this. since the twins will be our first babies we need everything and most times 2, but hubby refuses to be involved in shopping for them or setting up the nursey or anything. However at the same time he brags to everyone that he is getting twins? what is going on with this man? and how can I get him to be more involved in preparing for his sons? please only answers from parents....

Answer 1

Hi! Congrats on the twins! I have 10 month old identical twin girls. They're our first babies too. Here's a few thoughts:

1. Twins are a huge adjustment and it took my husband a while to get used to the idea. I would suggest that you get the book "Double Duty" by Christina Baglivi Tinglof. The book is a really easy read. I left it in the bathroom and one day my husband started reading it. The way it's written it makes a good bathroom read for guys. It really helpled him understand what having twins meant and all of the stuff we needed to do to prepare.

2. Take a girl friend, sister, etc baby shopping with you. Shopping for baby clothes and crib bedding is not the best way to get a guy excited about a baby.

3. DO bring him to doctor's appointments with you.

4. With setting up the nursery, a guy is not going to get excited about choosing color schemes for a baby's room. But, I had my husband put together the cribs. Putting together two cribs really helps the reality that there will be two babies soon sink in. Plus, putting furniture together is much more exciting to a man than setting up the perfect night light.

5. Really, it's not important that he be involved in the little stuff like shopping for the baby or setting up the nursery. It's sooooooooo much more important that he be there at the birth and afterwards when you'll need the most help. It's really tough to be the dad of twins. It's essentially like being a second mother instead of the "typical dad" roles. Because you can't just hand the crying baby over to the mother - she's probably already holding one!

6. I would definately join your local Mothers of Twins/Mothers of Multiples Club. Go to www.nomotc.org to find your local one. Those ladies helped me so much. Especially with how to get my husband to help more once they were born, how to understand what he's going through too, etc. Remember, the goal is for the kids to leave someday but for your husband to still be there! :-)

Good luck!

Answer 2

I have to tell you mine didn't seem to into preparing for our new son (3 months) and he did brag he was having a baby but since the baby was born I can't believe how much time they spend together he even took the first 2 months off just to make sure he had a bond with his son. It kinda sounds like hes not into the shopping or nursey he's just excided that he's going to be a daddy. He seems to be preparing in his own mental way. Take him shopping when you can get him to but don't have him pick things out just throw ideas at him if you like something show it to him and if you get no reponse then keep it as a maybe. The only time mine ever answered was if it was a no. In the end it sounds like he's going to be a great dad to your two new little boys but he's just in it for the daddy thing not the prep thing. Good luck and Congrats!!

Answer 3

Okay, I'm a father of two (not twins) and I probably was more involved than the average guy. However, you've still got some time so perhaps he'll get more interested as time goes on (is he normally a procrastinator -- if so 18 weeks will feel like a lot of time to him). Honestly, the nesting instinct which you're obviously feeling strongly is mostly a motherly thing. In the end the nursery room is not that important to a guy, and should not be that important in your assessment of your husband. All that should matter is that he will love them, protect them, teach them, and be with you through it all. If he's already proud about having twin boys I think you'll be fine.

Answer 4

All I can tell you is he is scared because it's TWINS. Not only One but TWO. He is happy, but when shopping for your new bundles of joy reality hits BAD setting up for them is reality too. More than likely I think he is scared and is probably thinking that you know best and probably is depending a lot on you as a guide. So don't take it personally, I am sure he is happy, but scared to face the fact, that shortly there will be TWO babies.

Answer 5

Well, what I used to do is take over the whole thing and not let him have any say in it, even though he was supposed to have a say. Or I would let him do stuff but then tell him I didn’t like it and make him redo it (this revelation after years of marriage) Men don’t like shopping for baby stuff, they are great at putting things together and building but shopping just isn’t their strong point.

-Parent of three

Answer 6

First off, Men are always slower getting excited over your pregnancy. Remember that you are the one carrying the child, feeling its movements, etc. therefor it is much more real to us. Give him time I'm sure he'll warm up to the coming event and get more involved. As far as decorating the nursery, tell him you're going to paint it some girly color or feminine theme and I'm sure he'll jump right in order that his boys don't have a sissy room.

Answer 7

Go shopping and registering with someone who has babies instead. It makes such a big difference, they know what you need and dont and for example which sippies dont work, what you want in a stroller, crib sides,etc. Then narrow stuff down for him, thats what I did, so he didnt have to shop too much. Just gave him a choice of one or two of your favorites online. You'll get better stuff this way :)

Answer 8

Sometimes as a first time father they may get scared or it hasn't hit reality yet. And a man at that age is still imature and may not undertand you need him there whether it is to go shopping or not.

Answer 9

men are interested in different things.
don't try to make him get involved in buying cribs.
but he can put them together.
you can't artificially create interest in those things.
that does not mean he is not interested in the kids.
he is probably planning for when they are on the high school football team how he will cheer.
ask him to talk about some of his dreams for the kids.
(and he will probably be thinking of older kids)
and listen to his dreams.
they probably aren't about what baby toys they will have.

Answer 10

Try coming home with something awful. Something you wouldn't buy. Like barney decorations for the twins. Act all innocent. Like, You wanted to buy something you thought he would like but didn't know what. That should get him off and running to "save" his sons' dignity!!
Best of luck, hope it works.