Does anyone have any advice to offer on my 14 year old son hanging with the wrong crowd, smoking,staying out late,etc...Anything at all as to how to set guidelines or something...I am not one to spank.
2006-11-20 07:12:53 · 11 answers · asked by peopleperson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is a situation that is prevalent in any environment that has not cultivated a sense of responsibility and the acceptance of the consequences for one's own behavior. By no means am I demeaning the education you are giving your son, since I do not know what it may be, I am mearly giving you the impressions my own experience as a father have given me and the evidence that has time and time again surfaced through studies and statistics.
Children of any age have inadequate conduct for four basic reasons; they want or need attention, they are struggling for power, they are avenging a wrong they feel has been commited against them, or they have just given up from the sheer despair of not knowing the correct path to follow. As I said before, I do not know your situation but I can surmise that there has been and still is, something lacking in your boy's life. The ultimate solution to your situation is finding out what is troubling him and applying assertive measures to correct his conduct. The fact that he is hanging out with the wrong crowd is not the problem within itself. It is just a by-product or symptom of the ailment.
There are myriad ways of coping with the situation and implementing assertive measures to modify his conduct but space and time do not allow me to explain my ideas amply. If you wish, I can be reached at: Rex97979@yahoo.com
It would be a pleasure to help you in any way I can. Meanwhile,don't despair but keep your ears and eyes wide open for any signs of conduct that could lead to disasterous result for any of you.
2006-11-20 08:16:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to create a "family culture" that the adults and the children all belong to.
This is why a lot of people get involved in church activities.
Otherwise, the parent ends up being basically a landlord/maid to the kids; the parents travel in their own circles, and the kids travel in theirs.
I'd suggest a sudden religious conversion. Seriously, if only for the sake of your family. You know how bad things may get if you don't do something drastic, so this is drastic.
Whatever bad you may think about religion, it does in fact have the chance of solving this problem, but only if you are there involved in the activities, taking an active part in getting yourself and your son involved together.
They have lots of things that adults & teenagers do together other than "church services";
Parties, campouts, sport events, etc.
Other than that, you could move to a very small town, but I've lived in both cities & small towns, and there are "wrong crowds" there too.
Plus, kids have a tendency of finding the troublemakers very easily in those situations too, so the same advice would probably go there too.
2006-11-20 07:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by dork 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Citing that your son may be a model teenager *I don't doubt this at all*, and that he's an angel in every other avenue of his life, this conduct is still his to blame. How much credit do you give your 15-yr-old son? A little? A lot? Do you trust his judgment? Chances are very good that you do trust his judgment, so, why aren't you doing anything to stop his behavior? Fifteen-yr-olds are not stupid, and if they were, they wouldn't be attending your son's school, I guarantee you. If your son knows right from wrong, which I hope -- for his basic common knowledge -- he does, then why don't you discipline him? You're letting him get away with it, Mom! Did he have a gun to his head when this "cool crowd" lured him into the woods? Chances are likely that they probably didn't. What's wrong with him just using the word no? Did you and your husband teach him how to say no or did you and your husband teach him not to stand up for himself? Lady, you need to take responsibility for this, somewhere. I suggest you begin with the parenting. Though, I don't doubt that those other kids are to blame for their own conduct, that's as far as the blame goes, with themselves, but to blame them for your son's conduct!? Honey, you need a reality check. What the he!! are you teaching your son? If you say accountability, I am sorry, but I would need to flatly disagree with you. Good luck.
2016-05-22 00:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes too old to spank anyway.You need to be firm tell him when to be home after school.Make sure he does his home work and chores before going out.Make sure he comes home for dinner on time and reward him with an allowance at the end of the week.The tough part is convicing him that his freinds are bums and that their bad for him.You are just going to have to be the boss and tell him who he can and cant hang out with and do whatever you can to keep him away from them if that means locking him in the house then thats what you do
2006-11-20 07:29:17 · answer #4 · answered by royalpalaceofhell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be as involved in what he's doing on a daily basis. I personally go through my kids stuff. Yes, I know that some people think that is a violation of their privacy, but I feel that as long as they live in my house and I pay for everything, they don't have any privacy. So I go through their room, their back pack, I have the passwords to their Myspace, their email, I watch who they are calling on their cell phone...I am all over what they are doing. I always tell my kids that I am not their buddy, I am their mother and it's my job to raise them to be the best people that they can be.
I also show them examples of what will happen to them if they go the wrong way.
All you can do is be the best parent that you can be.
2006-11-20 07:18:08 · answer #5 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I am 15 and unfortunally there is no real way to shelter him from the peer presure and all that comes with it. Ive been where he is and I know whats its like. NOT PRETTY. Although im not trying to scare you. The best thing is for you to try talking to him and let him know that you are there for him you love him no matter what. If that doesnt work try homeschooling and get him in some sports. I love it.
2006-11-20 08:21:50 · answer #6 · answered by techno_baby111 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your local police station if they have a scared straight program, or if they have an inmate willing to speak to him him through the bars on the "real life" aspect of gangbanging. Someitmes the trip to visit the prison is enough to know he does not want that.
2006-11-20 07:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids of all ages need friendships! Talk to him tell him what behavior is is approved of and what is not. You should set a standard for him. Things could become worse if you "SHELTER" Him to much. Kids have a way of rebelling if they are sheltered to much! This could backfire on you!
2006-11-20 08:35:15 · answer #8 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say make 9:30 cerfew. Not much goes on before then 'cause parents are still up. Make sure he doesn't come home smelling like smoke or anything.
2006-11-20 07:19:18 · answer #9 · answered by I think... 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you should sit your son down and explain to him the dangers of his actions and the consequences of them. That is what you should do, don't get mad if he objects just give him time and soon he will understand his choices and correct them
2006-11-20 07:16:31 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋