My boyfriend keeps accusing me of bring up the past in our relationship. What he's done in the past, what's happened in the past etc?? How do you stop? Especially when its ruining a relationship. I bring it up as examples, but he doesn't see it as this.
2006-11-20 06:33:43 · 9 answers · asked by saintsintwilight 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What ever he has done in the past is exactly that "THE Past", let it go. If it isn't anything like him beating you, cheating or something of that nature and if it is one of these 3 things then leave him and find someone new. Otherwise let it go.
2006-11-20 06:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stop, plain and simple.
If he has done things in the past then let it go or move on!! Cause eventually he will leave you for being a nag. The past is the past for a reason. You can let it go and have a good relationship or you can end up all along and miserable cause you cant keep your mouth shut.
2006-11-20 06:38:24 · answer #2 · answered by sweet_treats_4_u33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop keeping score on the boy. Do not use examples from the past because you then are using "you" statements (i.e "well you said last month" --or-- "You get to go out with your friends all the time.") "you" statements do nothing but put the person in defense because they no longer are dealing with the issue --they are trying defend themselves personally.
Okay...how to stop...You do this because you are trying to bring up examples in your experience of times that have been aggravating, painful, etc...Then say something in the form of an "I" statement (i.e. "I do not like feeling like I am unable to go out with my friends from time to time." --or-- "I feel hurt when my concerns are not treated seriously.")
Though this seems weird, and it is when you first start, it maintains the focus on the appropriate person --you. if you are angry then express your feeling of anger...not that the other person has done it to you...If you express your feeling then you leave the other person open to deal with that expression and not have to defend the self.
You have to also focus on whether or not you are being too sensitive (your boyfriend may truly bee an a-s-s, but you have to make sure you are being fair and communicating effectively with him). He may also be defensive because he is hiding something...but as long as he feels you are keeping score and hounding him he will continue to get angry and he will begin to hold it against you.
If you are improving communication and no longer holding him under the "log book of doom" and he still accuses you at every little thing, then you guys may want to get counseling or cut it off
2006-11-20 06:47:11 · answer #3 · answered by silverback487 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stop by just stopping. There's no magic formula, You stop brining up the past because you've come to terms with it and don't want to keep causing pain to yourself and your partner.
Some people always throw the past in your face to punish you.. over and over and over and over. This is a manipulative, controlling behavior used to make you feel small and ashamed. It's kind of sick to be with someone who likes to make you feel small and ashamed, don't you think?
2006-11-20 06:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually when it's that way it's because he did many wrong things and kind of doesn't want to admit it or doesn't want to feel that u did something good and that he owes you.he always wants to see himself powerfull,owing nothing to nobody,right forever and ever,i'm just like you.i can't forget the past,and it always pops up.may be coz they never change.if we let something pass once ,then it's like our duty to let it pass forever.u said it,it's an example,means similar to what he did,which was the main reason that made you remind him of what he did before,what u forgave him for wishing that he changes.or what u forgave him for and he doesn't want to forgive you now.they should understand that past leads to future.try taking it easy till you make your points clear,and pass try passing what can be passed.i know it will still leave u hurt,but u'll be hurt any way,bringing the past up,or keeping it inside you.you choose.
2006-11-20 06:48:32 · answer #5 · answered by Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this question became into so needless to say written by a girl that it is not humorous. pay attention sweetie, extraordinarily much no adult men think of that way. adult men recognize ok that they might practice previous doubt the spouse became into the worst possible lady and a raving lunatic yet she will nevertheless get a minimum of 0.5 of each and every thing he has.
2016-10-04 04:23:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
k so sit down and talk about the past.get it all out of u , everything this time so there is NOTHING left to discuss later on and once all is talked thru put a closure on the past and drop it.
2006-11-20 06:36:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't even have to talk about the past, just the future. Leave Him!!!
2006-11-20 06:34:56 · answer #8 · answered by star-e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just stop. this is a major cause of divorce
.
2006-11-20 06:35:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋