I quit and stuck to it, he tried and wasn't successful. can i help him stop?

Question

my BF has been saying to all his friends and myself since June that he wanted to quit drinking. Well, it's November, and he is a lot better (down to 2-3 times a week/ 3 beers per day tops) but I was really hoping for success sooner. For the sake of his happiness... and also so that I can feel closer to him knowing he's sober like I am now.

Is there anything a supportive GF can do to help him quit? He sort of wants to, but either addiction or depression is holding him back...

response to Taylor: yeah "excuse" is kind of a loaded word here. attempting quitting can cause depression, or in his case, worsens depression that was alreay there (long story... family trouble, genetics, etc.). it makes me sad to see that the thing that would make him happier (quitting) is worsening his depression. i know it can be done, i did it. it's not just the quitting alcohol i want to be supportive of... it's the underlying reasons for it, too.

Answer 1

congrats on being sober..that is a really hard thing to pass. the only thing you can do for your bf is to tell him that you are there for him...support him with his decisions. don't let him say that he drinks because he is depressed...alcohol is a depressant, so it is going to make him feel different. help guide him through the week with a plan to stop drinking. becoming sober is not something that is easy...i'm sure you know that. so don't expect him to quit right on the spot. really just support him in what he does. a good gf will do that for her bf. she will help him when he needs it, but not interfere too much. this might pull him away. so don't go to crazy on the helping him stop drinking. he needs to learn how to stop himself. and he is the only one that can change him.

Answer 2

i hate to point fingers and make people think that i`m being rude in these things because i know that i dont even know you or what all else is going on so i have no right ot judge you but with that being said are you sure that addiction or depression is holding him back? dont let him use that as a crutch. if you say well you dont have to quit drinkin because your depressed then that will evolve into a constant excuse for all his problems. also it seems that this really is bothering you so lay down the law! dont be a push over. you have the right to say look. i changed for you and i need you to do the same for me. maybe you should find out whats more important.....you or the alchohol

Answer 3

If drinking booze takes precident over relationships he might be an alcoholic.. Best bet for a supportive girlfriend is to give him an ultimation, quit the booze or your gone.

Check out an AA meeting and pickup a free piece of literature called 44 questions. Enabling him is not getting him any closer to stopping. Q.

How do I know if I'm "alcoholic"?
A. That is an extremely important question, because we are unable to do anything about our alcoholism until we answer that question for ourselves.

There are, of course, numerous checklists that let us rate ourselves, with questions like:

* Have I ever missed work because of alcohol?
* Have I ever blacked out while drinking?

Most of us in AA usually answered most of those type questions with "yes's" but told ourselves that "everyone drinks like that." Later we realized that it only seemed like everyone drank like that because we only socialized with people who drank like we did. So our frame of reference was skewed by the settings in which we placed ourselves or in which we grew up. Besides, most of us shrugged off the results of such quizzes because we weren't quite ready to give up drinking and the way it let us feel or act. We had to wait until the pain of continuing overcame the fear of changing.

Here are what we believe to be facts you can use in making your own decision:

* It is not a matter of what we drink. Some alcoholics favor scotch, some drink tequila, others drink nothing but beer.
* It is not a matter of when we drink. Some of us were daily drinkers, beginning before we got out of bed in the morning and continuing throughout the day; others of us would hit it hard on the weekend and moderate during the early part of the week; still others were more episodic, perhaps drinking only once every several months.
* It is not a matter of where we drink. Some of us were bar drinkers, some were literally closet drinkers, drinking only alone at home.
* It is not a matter of economic circumstances. AA members include judges, surgeons, entertainers, auto mechanics, waitresses, and people who were living under bridges at the end of their drinking careers.
* It is not a matter of race or ethnic origin. Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease.

The one common element is that we cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving more alcohol. In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the section entitled "The Doctor's Opinion" likens this phenomenon to the manifestation of an allergy that is triggered by the drinking of alcohol.

One exercise you might take is to write down on a piece of paper all those things you have done in your life that have caused you the most regret, remorse, guilt, or shame, and then put a check mark next to the ones that occurred while you had been drinking. Many of us have again shrugged off such exercises because we were always drinking so of course those things occurred while we were drinking - everything in our lives occurred while we were drinking. Only when we were able to overcome that strange compulsion to take that first drink and started associating with different people and living different lifestyles did we realize that our basic assumption was wrong - not everyone drinks like we did, and there is an association between alcohol and things like family arguments, DUI's, and just generally feeling bad about ourselves.

One thing to consider is that most "normal" people (you know, the ones who leave half a glass of wine on the table when they walk out of the restaurant) don't have occasion to ask themselves if they are alcoholic.

AA has a pamphlet called "44 Questions" that contains further information on this topic. It can be obtained at most AA meeting places and/or Central Service Offices.

Answer 4

First of all ,CONGRATULATIONS!!! Stay strong!! It is so hard to get someone else to do what you want and know is best for them. If there is a routine of the time he usually has these beers, try to occupy him, go out, sex, talk, anything.
But honestly dear, HE has to really want to do it, not for you or anyone else, he has to want to do it for himself.
My advice to you is to keep talking to him but not to the point that you are annoying him, give him a lot of confidence.
best of luck!!