How would you feel?

Question

How would you feel if the man that you thought was your father for years, actually wasn't and the man who was your biological father was kept a secret from you? I recently attended a funeral for my "father" , who was actually my brother's father. It's raised a lot of confusion and feelings of resentment towards my mother. I believe that no matter how bad the father was, a child should not be denied the tight to know who their father is. What do you say?

Answer 1

Your biological father may have many issues that your mother was trying to protect you from. This man who just passed and raised you like his own sounds very much like a loving father. Although you may have resentments against your mom at present, please take it easy on her as she has just lost her life partner. When the time is right you may want to discuss the issue of your biological father with your mom and she may be able to shed some light on him for you. She may not speak fondly of this individual and as such you will have to keep an open mind when discussing him with her. Best of luck and sorry to hear of the loss of the man who raised you.

Answer 2

This exact thing happened to me. I was told when I was eleven that my dad wasnt my dad. He was my sisters dad but raised me since I was six months old. I got a phone call from my biological father when I was sixteen and he was telling me he loved me and regrets not being there for me. I was all excited because I felt he was my salvation...that everything would be ok when we met and I would finally feel complete....well a month later I was going to his funeral. He died without be ever having the chance of meeting him.

This brought alot of feelings of resentment toward my mother also. To this day I still have those feelings. But only because my mom always refuses to talk about it and explain. My dad who raised me(my sisters dad) is also dead now and now I have no dad. This is a horrible thing to have happen to someone.

Try to get your mother to talk about it with you. As I said before mine refuses and because of that we dont have such a great relationship anymore. You are correct when you say a child should not be denied the right to know his or her father. And absolutely should not have been lied to. I have told my mother in the past that I wish she would have never told me about my biological father because it caused alot of needless heartache in my life. My relationship with the man that raised me also suffered because of it.

I dont know what to tell you because I have not resolved this issue in my own life. Just try to get everyone to talk about it so you have a better understanding of what went on back then. Just remember that a sperm fertilizing an egg doesnt make someone a father. The man who raised you loved you very much and probably knew he wasnt really your dad and he didnt care. That is a true man to take care of someone elses child like he or she is your own.

Yes you are stuck in the middle but just try to see that this is your mothers issue. You are just an innocent bystander.

Answer 3

I believe what you say, but maybe your mother doesn't want you to know the truth because she doesn't want you to feel bad and be upset that your biological father is not a good man. Maybe she doesn't want to have any connections with him, literally, so she doesn't want him to be reminded of. I would feel really awkward, and in a way feel a little bit mad because I have been lied the whole time and the father is not my real father, and my biological was never known. I would be really curious.

Answer 4

your mom probably thought she was saving you a lot of anguish. she was protecting you. i'm sure she did not do this to you, to make you angry at her, especially, at this point of time in her life. she is feeling pain from the death of her husband right now and you are feeling pain of denial of truth. yes, i think you should know who your biological father is and, i bet, your mom eventually would have told you. this awareness came about by circumstance of the death of the dad that raised you. try not to be too hard on your mom - after her pain melts a little bit, talk to her, not with anger. what happened, happened! she didn't tell you, a bad choice - but don't resent her over it - you've had too many good years together to let a father, you never knew, ruin your relationship with mom. let her know your puzzlement over not knowing anything about your beginning of life, and you really have the need to know. do it with love with her - she'll probably be more open on what happened, than if you were to attack her with anger over never being told. i know you hurt, but don't let the hurt dissolve something that took your lifetime to make. remember the love and nurturing that she did. you can always meet the dad you never had - and, then make your own relationship and opinion of him. make sure you find out all the facts. i wish you well.

Answer 5

I think you definately deserve to know, however maybe your mom was trying to protect you, does it really matter? Was this guy a father to you even though it wasnt in a biological sense? I know who my father is, but i dont care, he hasnt been a part of my life since i was 4, im now 34, and i feel like its his loss, not mine!

Answer 6

That is sad situation. As you know these are fruits of this nonsense bf, gf, dating dramas. If these marraiges are arranged marriages and both husband and wife firmly determine to continue till end of life. Hoe the family setup, structutre, ties will be solid. There wont be any confussion. As you know there are many kids, girls, boys, teens, men and women who dont know who was their real father.
Is it not a shameful situation. If the trend continues then it seems that after few more decades there wont be any family. there will be single mothers only.

Answer 7

I agree with you, I come from a family, a mother, who kept secrets from us kids, they bliew up in her face just before she died, made her last days and the funeral hell for all of us. She never apologized, she said to 'get over it'. You have a right to be angry, just don't get stuck there.

Answer 8

WELL MAYBE SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. OR THAT IS HOW YOUR FATHER WANTED IT. BUT NOW THAT YOU KNOW YOU CAN FIND YOUR BIOLOGICAL FATHER AND FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF. AND REMEMBER THAT THE MAN YOU CALLED FATHER LOVED YOU DEARLY AND WANTED TO BE YOUR FATHER... NEVER FORGET THAT.

Answer 9

Depends on how bad the father is. If he was a pedophile I wouldn't want to know him or want other people to know he was my father.

Answer 10

i agree with you....maybe he wasn't the best husband in the world but you should of been given the chance to find that out for yourself.....just because two people don't hit it off doesn't mean that noone will like those people.....

try talking to your mom to find out her reason, there might actually be a bigger story to the whole thing!!!!!