I was only 14 when i had my first baby girl Charlie had my first boy Jamie at 17 then my second girl Cassey at 24. I left school at 16, moved out of my home when i was pregnant with Jamie with my boyfriend/father to all my children, hes a trainee fire fighter. I'm now ttc and have been for four months ever since he proposed... although i really don't feel we have the money for a wedding and a baby i want a big wedding with all my family and friends but we don't have enough for a wedding and a baby. I do want a baby so much more though but i don't want to give up my dream of my big white wedding which my fiancee also wants. i dont know how to tell him that i don't want to get married until we have our baby and he/she is atleast one as hes so looking forward to the wedding. Any advice on tellling him?
2006-11-20 05:37:26 · 27 answers · asked by yummymummy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks but the some of the stuff written is not necessary i love my husband to bits and i admire him for staying with me through all this time and i am a great mother to my children and i reallly think children matter more then a ceremony i love my husband to bits i don't need a piece of paper to tell me that!
2006-11-20 07:44:04 · update #1
The main thing in any relationship is communiction. You have to talk to him, and it's not like you don't want to mary him, it's just untill you are financially capable and if he is a true companion he will definately understand. Good Luck
2006-11-20 05:42:57 · answer #1 · answered by FIZI 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I would talk to him for sure. I am sure he would understand. Weddings are not cheap. Also on a side note, I had the white wedding etc and to tell you the truth I don't remember a thing. I wasn't drinking it just happens so fast. I mean all the decorations you spend months planning for on the actual day you don't even notice them. I think it is a bit over rated. In all as long as you are together and happy I would postpone the wedding. Having the love between you two and your kids is much more important than the wedding.
2006-11-20 06:05:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Goodness me! Your boyfriend has fathered all your children. He wants to get married and make a formal committment to you and his children. What about a compromise............have a small wedding now and save towards your dream of a big white wedding........to maybe celebrate 5 years or something. You don't have to give up on your dream but my take in it is.........how hurt would your boyfriend be if you don't go through with things? Do you not really love him, or just see his as a baby providing machine? Are you using this as an excuse rather than a reason? I suggest before you tell him you may want to think about some of the questions I have asked.
2006-11-20 05:49:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are a mother of three, soon to be four, then the big wedding will be a little late. Why have three children without getting married first? You haven't finished high school, you never started college and you have no career. I admire your persistance with regard to having children and getting married, but I think you have bigger things to worry about. How are you going to pay for a wedding OR another child, for one? Your husband being a fire fighter (unless he is a damn good one) isn't going to put 4 kids through college, pay for their weddings AND yours and pay all the bills! You should really think about other things and take care of yourself before bringing another child into the world.
2006-11-20 13:42:41 · answer #4 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you can do the big white wedding and a baby but you will need to wait for one. you can get married in a registry office 4 under £100.00. dresses can be brought out of asda and suits can too. You can also but the bridesmaid and suits out of tesco and they do look good. design and arrange your own flowers or get friendly with someone who owns a flower shop as you will get friends and family discount. As for the reception, do you know anyone who owns a pub or restaurant with a drinks licence. Then all you need to do is taking to that person and get them to do the food and a open bar for the first couple of hour and then you can have them charge fr drinks.As this person would be a friend you could get a discount from them and pay in instalments. there your wedding on the budget and not a tacky one as on one will need to know about the real cost. Your baby well i am assuming you have a few bits left over from your previous 3 children. If not check out tesco direct and two left feet both Internet sites as they have discounts for baby items. What ever you do do not put baby equipment or baby accessories into a search engine i made that mistake and got over 18 million sites. the best ones are listed below. good luck. mothercare one line has offers not available in the shop. if you still feel the way you did when you wrote this then you must sit him down and talk to him. wanting to do it is not good enough, if i had done this i would not now be divorced and regretting my actions. you can do both but you must talk about what you both feel is rite for the whole family. if the children are at an age where they can understand then have them in on the conversation to wherther it is when you talk to him and tell him your feeling or at a later time. your mum may be a lot of help to you. wheater it is with money for the wedding or talking to her about your feelings. she may also make a great meadator with all this happening.if this doesnot help maybe you sould suggest that your both seek some relationship councelling. I am not saying your relationship is on the rocks but this may help you to both see each others points of view and may help in the decision about what to do now. good luck.
2006-11-20 05:56:34 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs Bond 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't listen to the negativity. Just because you have 3 kids, doesn't mean you can't have *your* wedding the way *you and your fiance* want it.
I would just be honest with him. Planning a wedding can be stressfull, having a child with 3 already is even more stressful, so you don't want to push yourself. Plus having stress durring your pregnancy can cause problems for you and the baby. Sit down and talk about it, and decide whether you want to save for the wedding you both *really* want and have another child later. Or if you want to have your fourth and then start saving for the wedding you guys really want after that.
I wouldn't advise doing both, one for the stress of it, but also the financial aspect of it. You can still do both, and do it the way you want, just plan which one you want first. ;)
2006-11-20 07:28:22 · answer #6 · answered by *~Mom2aJellybean~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really both wanted a big wedding then you could both wait for another times until you have all the money enough to spend the wedding. wearing a white wedding gown is just once in a blue moon, so don't worry if others criticise your dreams, they are just jealous or they probably have no dreams and goals in life (at least). I'm 3 yrs married, although my wedding wasn't been perfect as what i wanted to (as it supposed to be in church), but at least I was wearing white wedding gown even if it's a civil wedding, and that was already a perfect wedding for me. good luck!
2006-11-20 08:33:31 · answer #7 · answered by Simply_Me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you already have 3 children so what is the rush to get married...second of all if you want to wait sit down and talk to him about it. You are engaged after all and should have open communication between each other. Maybe he feels the same way. You two can work something out. Good luck!
2006-11-20 07:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men would have left not standing up.You have a really good one and from what you have told us I don't think he is going to leave you,You 2 can put the wedding off for a while.Not often will a unwed father stand up as he is.I know things will work out just fine.I also understand you want to be married when your baby is born.There was a song out in the early 80s named dance little Jean.If you call your local radio station and ask them to play it and listen closely to the words.Tell them to play it from me to you.Oh yea I don't know who done the song but it was crossover.More Country.Best of luck and all the love in the world to you.I wish I could help.I'll be looking for my invitation. that song is about a little girls Mom & Dad getting married.I'm an old man but everytime I hear it I have a tear in my eye.It is sad and happy at the same time.I promise you will like itGod bless ".sorry so long" I wish I could send you a nice gift but Love & luck to you both Jerry
2006-11-20 05:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by I'm Jerry 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The wedding is a ceremony and is only as important as you make it. The commitment between you and your man is what you should be concerned about. You seem to have a good relationship. Congratulations for it. Don't let anybody tell you that you have to conform to anything other than what you specifically believe in.
Sit down and tell him how you really feel about it. That's the best thing you can do. Honest open communication is the single most important part of a good relationship that can last forever.
2006-11-20 05:48:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell him what you told us. Just tell him you still want the white wedding but its your guy's responsiblity to be able to provide for another child. That baby HAS to come before the dream wedding. If you cannot afford both, there should be no question. I would suggest waiting ONE more year after the baby is born, but start saving now for your wedding. No one says you have to give up your wedding, your just putting it on hold until you can enjoy your wedding day with your 4 beautiful children!
2006-11-20 05:47:28 · answer #11 · answered by swtgrl83 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋