In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
2006-11-20 04:30:17 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
U WERE ALMOST UP FOR MANSLAUGHTER.
LAUGHED SO MUCH MY WIFE EVEN STOPPED WATCHING TV TO CHECK I WAS OK AND NOT CHOKING TO DEATH!
KEEP EM COMIN!!!!!
2006-11-20 09:55:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The peanuts one is genuine - peanuts or groundnuts are not actually nuts, they're beans. The same plantations that grow groundnuts often grow "proper" nuts as well, and use the same sacks to transport the different harvests. So it's possible to contaminate the "beans" with traces of the "nuts".
Looney, but some kid died with an allergic reaction a decade or so back, so the vendors are now all paranoid.
2006-11-20 04:38:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The most common causes of hemorrhoids are straining during bowel movements and obesity. Follow these essential hemorrhoid prevention tips and you may not even have to delve into any hemorrhoid treatments https://tr.im/pveh4
If you’re straining during bowel movements, there is no doubt that you are suffering from constipation, and obesity only heightens your chance of experiencing these digestive issues. The best solution for hemorrhoids is to not have them at all!
2016-05-01 19:58:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Packet of Nuts bought in a pub Warning, Package MAY contain nuts
2016-05-21 22:36:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fantastic couldnt stop laughing.
one I like is
Wash colours separately on multy coloured garments.
How do you do that short of cutting up clothes or unpicking sweaters.
2006-11-20 04:56:40 · answer #5 · answered by M M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has got to be one of the funniest I've ever read....copy and paste....thanks again for the laugh ;)
2006-11-20 05:49:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL Again
=P
2006-11-20 04:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by scholaryoshi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are some instructions. as most of them are u.s made, that makes it all the funnier coz if you see george bush.....wel eh theres your answer
2006-11-20 04:36:44 · answer #8 · answered by Pianoman 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
these are hilarious i started to laugh really loud and people stared--that is how funny that is
2006-11-20 04:35:39 · answer #9 · answered by princton_girl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Great very very funny:
2006-11-20 05:16:18 · answer #10 · answered by I'm Jerry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋