I feel so lost...?

Question

My boyfriend told me yesterday he thinks he still has feelings for his ex (they dated for 3 years). I'm his first girlfriend since her, and he's only ever been in love twice...once with her, and now with me. He says he loves me and has never been this happy. However, his ex (who is in MN) just started dating someone else. He's jealous, and he feels like he's lost her forever. He and I are in VA, so it's not like a relationship would work out for them. I think he's just scared because he's finally realizing that the past is the past; it's over. However, he''s wondering if he should try and get her back. I understand how he feels becasue I felt the same way when my ex dated someone else. My boyfriend and I are really serious - he told me he could see himself married to me. But, he's still hung up on his ex. I feel so sad and lost. I just don't want to lose him...what do you think will happen? Will he choose me?

Answer 1

talk to him and tell him that his ex moved on and you should too. Today you are missing your ex, tomorrow you might miss me and it will be double trouble for you.

Also be be considerate to him and love him so much that he will never find your love worth comparing to anything else.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. First of all I do think that he's just stuck on the past and remembering how good it was when they were together but you need to let him know that there was a reason why they broke up. Tell him that it's probably because most people are okay when they move on but get upset when they find out the other person has moved on as well. I felt the same way when my first love finally moved on to someone else. I was the one who broke up with him and he beat the crap out of me daily and I would never be with him again but that still didn't stop me from having that upset feeling thinking "how could he." He'll get over that feeling, hopefully.

You can tell him that you can't tell him what to do, if he wants to go and try to fight for her he can but remember that you love him and that you might not be here when he returns. Give him an example, ask him how he would feel if you came to him and told him all the things that he's told you. The past is the past and he either needs to let it go and move on with you or go to the other girl and realize that he doesn't have you to fall back on if it doesn't work out with her. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

If you love him you want him to be happy right? Let him know a woman he could live with isn't enough, he needs a woman he can't live without. Three years is major, I don't know what could've possibly gone wrong. Maybe the flame in their relationship died down, but chances are his ex feels the same way. He needs to know now who the right girl is because the longer he waits the more it's going to hurt you. Maybe you guys should take a break for a while. Oh and I think a guy who can tell you all this is worth everything you got.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Bless your heart! I can't imagine how horrible you must feel right now! Your boyfriend needs to concentrate on why he and this girl did not work out. There has to be a reason they are not together. He needs to figure out what he needs AND wants. NOT just want he wants.
It's so important for us to give closure to our past relationships. I think you should try to be understanding, but do not allow yourself to be put on the back burner. You deserve so much more than that!
Jealousy surely is the green eyed monster. He is jealous because she has a new boyfriend. It falls back into the "I want what I can't have syndrome."
From personal experience: It is possible to love two people at the same time, but it is NOT possible to be all that you need to be for two people at the same time.
My sincere advice is to give this guy some space. Whether he wants it or not. He needs a chance to see how much he might miss you! Maybe, you two can take a break from your relationship. I'm not saying break-up. Just take some time out to reflect what you and he both want.
He is clearly not over the girl before you and that just plain sucks for you! I assure you that this has NOTHING to do with you. It's all about dredged up emotions that he has for this girl. If you do lose him, your pain will eventually go away, but if you don't want to lose him...You have to seperate yourself from your pain. Be there for him. Give him time, but do NOT let it go on for too long. It will surely drive you crazy.
Good luck with this!

Answer 5

I dont think theres anything you can do really, so dont give yourself a hard time stressing about it(easier said than done i know). Its up to him what he chooses to do, you cant try control this situation. You just gotta let what ever happens happen and if he really does belong to you and he does love you, he'll be with you. Theres a reason why him and his ex broke up in the first place so maybe you could remind him about that. Other than that just try be cool, give him some time to sort himself out. Just be aware of the fact that hes a lucky guy to have you in the first place........

Answer 6

hmmm...in my opinion why not have a call off period so both of you could think how serious the relationship is. I believe in a saying that "if you love somebody set it free, it comes back to you then it is meant to be." Let him realized who is much better, where does his heart lies on you or with his ex. Maybe the space will give him the chance that if he will lost you, he can't find a gold like you then he will be totally lost.

Answer 7

Sometimes people are just sad to see an ex with someone else, especially if it was his first love. It doesn't mean he necessarily wants to get back with her, just that he misses the feeling he had when they were together. That said, you deserve to know for sure. You're allowed to expect a definite answer from him about whether or not she is a threat to you, but it has to come from him, no one else can tell you for sure.

Answer 8

here's my take on it...for one, you shouldn't have to fight to keep what is already yours. if he's even thinking about leaving you for no reason(since you did nothing wrong), then let him go. lets say he does pick you, then what next time. which brings me to point 2; he will never be happy with what he has. he could just leave you some other time thinking that he could get something better. its a maturity issue really. 3. its normal to be a little jealous if he did love her and knows she is with somebody else now. she was his first love, blah blah blah. but what it boils to is this: its over with them. he's with someone else, she's with someone else, they are in different states, they already broke up once for some reason. its over! he needs to except that and move on.

its great that you communicate so well with him, but next time he says crap like this, you should just tell him to leave if he is even thinking about it. its not right for him to put you through this. i don't' even know you, but i know you deserve better. and that is coming from a man.

Answer 9

It always hurts to see an ex move on. What he needs to realize is that she HAS moved on and she doesnt want him anymore, and she was probably hurt when he started dating you but she didnt try to come back to him! Everybody has had a broken heart and most of them have gotten over it and moved on and those that havent moved on are lonely and unhappy and cannot carry on a to have a healthy relationship.

Answer 10

That's a horrible situation to be in.....I think that he will choose you because he told you that he has never been this happy. He is just feeling the shock of losing his first love. What you need to do is to love him better than ever. Show him how much you care and keep making him happy. ~_^
~Kim~