Its is something Iv not been able to understand and I dont now. I had been seeing a lovely man for a few weeks after knowing him for a year or so. In the course of our dating we became quite close. He took me to london for a lovely weekend then on two more occasions to attend some appointments. He would not allow me to pay for anything, in fact on one lunch date, i paid the bill whilst he went to the gents and he told me off, telling me that when im with him, i dont pay for anything.
Well now we have split up. It didnt work out because I couldnt handle his insecurities. He grumbled about aspects of things he didnt like about me and made me feel i was not good enough so i felt that if he couldnt accept me as i was, then i was not suitable for him. Anyway, since then he claims that i have used him emotionally and finacially. How is this? I was very serious about him and i never "use" people. Why did he really say that? He wont answer me why, he just maintains that i used him.
2006-11-20 03:03:49 · 30 answers · asked by Bobbie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
don't let it bother you. He's mad at himself for letting you get away. This is the only thing that he can think of to "hurt" you so he doesn't feel at fault. You did nothing wrong.
2006-11-20 03:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by Jer 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't put a whole lot of weight on what someone says after they've been broken up with. It's usually just their anger/hurt feelings/etc that are coming through, not necessarily rational thought. Don't try to analyze the comments rationally.
He's bummed it didn't work out. He's saying something he most likely knows isn't true in the hope that it bothers or hurts you as much as the break up bothers and hurts him. It's a bit passive/aggressive and exceedingly immature.
Don't bother attempting to pore over the entire relationship to find whatever incident, (either real or imagined), that he is referencing. It isn't worth the stroll down memory lane and only serves his purpose of making you feel like a bad person.
Don't waste anymore time or energy on either this man or this issue.
2006-11-20 11:13:16 · answer #2 · answered by Bob S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is very insecure with a lack of self worth. He is also a bully. These type of people either abuse physically or mentally. He's using a form of brain-washing on you to 'put you in your place', to enable him to feel better about himself. Look at the way he's already making you feel guilty and at fault. I'm pleased you have split up because your personality would have disappeared and you would have just become his 'puppet'. He will never change. You do not deserve him, you are too good for him. Tell him to get lost.
2006-11-20 11:57:56 · answer #3 · answered by Sandee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to ask yourself some questions before you jump in here. reading the other answers it appears the poor chap was also a schitzo, a bully, insecure and sad.
Ask yourself deep down did you use him? Did you rely on him when you lost your job, or when you were breaking up with your last realtionship?
There's no doubt he feels a bit down about what happened, and sometimes people do say bad things when relationships end. You should ignore them, but I do believe it takes two.
Did you do anything to betray his trust? Lie to him, ignore him, mock him etc. If not, he is a loser who deserves all he gets. If you did...well...you are both as bad each other!
2006-11-21 18:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by goodquestion9 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he treated you really nice but just had a few insecurities like all people do and sounds like you then just dumped him cold heartedly without trying to work through the insecurities. If you were really serious about him you would not have done this because he just grumbled a bit, all men grumble a bit.
Who can blame the poor fella for being a bit bitter about things?
2006-11-20 11:11:47 · answer #5 · answered by abluebobcat 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in a similar relationship now recently. I met this beautiful girl which I fell in love with after three weeks of knowing her. We spent a lot of time together when she was in her own place and it was lovely. Then she moved out of her place and moved in with her best freinds parents and I never got to see her as much. I gave her a lift in the morn to work and a lift home at night. When I asked her if she wanted to do something together she said she had other plans or "I'll see". When it came to shopping she did not mind spending my money on things for her. She offered to pay for gas and I refused to except the cash, because she has a beautiful baby girl to look after who I also began to love. After a while I started to get suspicious of her feelings toward me and insecure toward our relationship, because she never wanted to spend any real time with me she only needed me when she wanted something so I began to feel used. I then stopped giving her a ride to work everyday hoping to get a response from her, but there was none. This was my answer, so I broke it off with her. I still love her and wish we were together, but you can't make someone love you especially when there is a happy baby's life in the balance. I am just trying to give you an honest perspective how men see women using them. In my case I was being used in your case I think the guy was trying to hard to impress you with his money and lost all site of the goal at heart. Believe me if you have money you get suspicious of everyone around you, us guys that do have money know what it is like to be used. If you don't have it you want it. If you have it you don't want it because you never know who your real freinds are till you pleed broke.
2006-11-20 11:32:52 · answer #6 · answered by george 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has way more issues than just insecurities. he had his chance when you were both together. if he does not want to work on repairing issues between the two of you, then...
You did not use him. Unless of course he asked for certain things from you and you would hold back in lieu of continuing on with him. if that is the case - you should have told him sooner what your expectations were not later.
2006-11-20 11:08:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that (in this situation), he's just not over the whole ordeal and needs to move on. I wouldn't pay any attention to him because I think he's just trying to create drama. Good luck with the rest of your life.
2006-11-20 11:09:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i go out i like to pay for my own stuff. If someone wants to include me when they buy a round of drinks, that is fine, but I hope they dont expect me to do the same just because they did. I have friends who do that, and i wont accept drinks from them anymore, cause I like to drink at my own pace. I think that if they want to act like they are good guys and buy the rounds, they are doing it for themselves, to look cool or something, and I dont feel that I have to do that to make friends, not anymore. So thank him for the trips and stuff, and move on, you owe him nothing.
2006-11-20 11:13:01 · answer #9 · answered by rand a 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He thought that if he spent all his money on you, then you would become his ideal woman or be prepared to try to be. Of course he won't tell you that, because that would show you just how selfish and shallow he is. Sad but true. Another frog bites the dust!
2006-11-20 11:09:30 · answer #10 · answered by annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he may have a split personality, men are just as capable of avoiding you after a break up especially if they feel some what wounded or hurt. out of sight equals out of mind. only he knows whats going on in his mind. better you know now rather than later.
2006-11-20 11:08:08 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋