Young single Fathers and Dating?

Question

I am a 23 year old single father to a 3 (almost 4) year old boy. since the death of my wife when our son was 1, I have gone on under a handful of dates and so far.
One girl 'used' my son coz he is a cute blonde hair blued eyed precious boy and plays mom for a a few weeks till she got bored of it and off she went (i don't want to put my son in a position where there are these women walking in and out of his life and certainly not use him as next weeks fashion accessory) and 2nd
Something suddenly come up when i tell her i have a 3 year old little boy. ( i'm not going to hide the fact i have a son, i'm proud of my little man). I'm not sure i'll ever be able to date again afetr horrible experiences now? At the moment i don't really want to date, it not a big deal as i am focussed on raising my son and i hae him to think about first and foremost. But i keeping getting pretty much harrassed and told by people around me i need to start dating? I'm so confused.

Answer 1

Jer had an excellent answer.

I just wanted to add - ignore those other people, don't let them rush you. You should take it slow, perhaps only look for freinds first. May I suggest, you find friends online who are also single parents, who can share their stories and experiences with you. Who knows, love might even blossom from there.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hey sweetie there is no need to rush into dating...you are still very young and have plenty of time for dating. Right now enjoy the time you have with you and your son together with just the two of you. As far as the dating game goes just remember this ..your son always comes first ..so be honest about him with everyone you meet. Two if someone is not interested after you tell them about him then she is not the right girl for you. Three you don't have to bring any one you date seriously around your son for the first six months wait and see where things are going first. Don't forget your little boy has already suffered a great loss of his mom and you don't want to keep repeating that with a new girlfriend in and out of his life every few months its just not healthy for him. You take your time honey and don't listen to what other people are telling you to do it's your life and your Son's and right now the most important job that you have is being the Great Dad that you are. Good Luck and take care.

Answer 3

Please don't listen to anyone else.. if you are not wanting to date, and focus on your little boy, then that is what you need to do... don't worry about what anyone else thinks you need to do. I am a single mother of a little boy and had the same problem...however I was ready to start dating again.. none seemed to work out, but I found a guy, who is also a single father and so far so good, we have been together now for about 8 months-he's understanding when things happnen when my little boy comes first.. we don't get a lot of free time together because we both are focused on our kids.. but it seems to be working.. we are waiting to move in together.. we've talked about it but we don't want to rush anything, so we are thinking about sometime next year... so I would say, don't rush into anything, make sure you are making the right decisions.. and don't look for someone if you aren't ready.. one will come when you aren't even looking.. right now stay focused on your little boy, and when the time is right, then start looking.. I would suggest looking for someone who is a single mother, because she will understand what you are going through, and also won't be "playing house"... but not all kidless single women are like that.. so you may find one that doesn't have kids also..and don't keep bringing them into your son's life, make sure it seems to be working before you involve your son... my bf didn't meet my son till we were dating for probally about 3 months and even then I was hesitate.. so just go at your own pace and take it slow.. you'll find someone just not tomorrow :)

Answer 4

First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with you not dating. Do not let other people pressure you into dating, getting married, etc. You're only 23 years old, you suffered a loss and you have a son! There's plenty of time for you to find someone. I don't know what's wrong with some people, but they just HAVE to see everyone around them dating and/or married when really, it's not their place to make that judgement and your personal life is really none of their business.

Your main priority is right where it should be: Your Son. You're making the right decision by focusing on him, choosing not to date and refusing to put him in a position that can be difficult emotionally for him to handle. If you want to date, go right ahead! Just make sure you're doing it because YOU want to do it and not because someone else is telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing. If I were you though, I would not introduce any female to your son until you were sure about her and her intentions. I don't care how much she says she likes kids or wants to meet him.

Answer 5

I am in the same boat as you my man. I am a single father, of a three year old daughter. Though her mother didn't die, it was her decission for us to no longer be a family. She wanted us to just "take a break", but it is clear to me now that that only was what she said to make sure that I was still around for her while she dated and tried to find herself another guy.
So now I am faced with the prospect of dating, while having my daughter with me half of the time.
The only advice that I can give to you is that don't do anything that you are not ready to do yet. If you are not ready to date than do not date. Don't let other people tell you what you should and should not be doing, just be there for your son and let things happen.
I can tell you though that when I start to date again that I will not let any girl I an seeing become attatched to my daughter, or her to them.
Good luck there buddie, and I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

It would depend on how young the child is and how involved the father is with the mother of the child. If there is a formal custody agreement that both parents honor and they are really ready to move on with separate lives then I wouldn't have a problem dating the man. However, a very young child often involves too much contact with the mother and some people in that situation are still emotionally attached to one another. That would be a waste of my time.

Answer 7

first off i would like to say i am glad u r open about ur son no one should ever hide that. I think u should decide now is probly not the time to date if u r feeling this way dont let others chose gor u. most people dont use kids as a fashion lol i know how u feel i am raising my sisters kids and dont feel like dating i am more focused on them. talk to some people and see how it goes and never hide ur son i respect that good luck

Answer 8

My husband was a single father for 9 years to his son and daughter when his first wife passed away, and because they had him to themselves for so long they had a hard time accepting anyone when he started dating. The best thing to do is to tell them upfront that you have a son, but don't introduce them to him right away. If after a few months things are looking like they are getting serious, introduce them, but don't throw them together all the time. Do it in small periods of time, like a picnic, or out for a quick dinner.

Answer 9

First, don't listen to other's. You'll know when you are ready to start dating. Tell your date that you have a child, but don't introduce these women to your child until you know that they are going to be with you for some time. Your child doesn't need to get to know everyone that you date, so be very selective on who your son sees and what he sees when you are with a woman.

Answer 10

You can date wehn you are ready..ne thing I learned from other single parents and dating is not to introduce the date to my child. Keep them seperate till you think that its ok to introduce. That way your child won't get hurt when they are gone from your life. You are only 23...you have plenty of time to date. There is no reason why you shouldn't be devoting time to your son. Tell people to mind their own business.