He wants to get married in december of this year! We were suppost to get married in apirl but he went into the army and got out in june. His family and my family dont want us to get married until he can prove he can take care of me! My parents say he has to hold a job and he has just not the job that they would like him to have .He didnt have a job before he went into the army. now that is back he has a job now, but my parents wont pay for the wedding? Should i pay for it my slef or should i make them pay for what they said they would?
2006-11-20 02:32:18 · 27 answers · asked by Kat J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Should I just get married in december or wait for them to pay for the wedding ?
2006-11-20 02:33:18 · update #1
he was let out of the army because of this ankle it was 6degrees the wrong way . and when he got home he got a job right away and he's had that job for six months and then found a better job that pays more and he's been there for about four months .
2006-11-20 03:09:00 · update #2
So should I marry him like he asked me to or wait ?
2006-11-20 03:11:00 · update #3
Congratulations! You sound like you both are young so if I were you I would put time on my side.Wait until you both can be able to take care of each other if something were to happen.It sounds like both sets of parents are showing concern.Make a few goals and work towards them.
2006-11-20 02:35:33 · answer #1 · answered by HummerBabemv 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can not make anyone pay for a wedding. That is ridiculous to even think about. The average wedding costs $20,000 to $25,000 or more.
A major mistake that men and women make is confusing the wedding with the marriage.
Some people spend more time and money on investing in a fairytale wedding than they do on investing in the marriage itself.
If you really love each other, and want to get married, you will do the work to get to that point
If your old enough to get married without your parents permission you can either pay for a wedding yourself or have a simple, cheap civil ceremony at the justice of the peace.
Or you could always wait till your parents approve.
Remember your wedding is just a day, marriage is a lifetime.
2006-11-20 03:05:42 · answer #2 · answered by Wendy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two love each other, talk out what you want to do. If you are over the age of 18, do what you heart says, but don't expect your parents to help. If they do help fine, but just don't expect it. You two make your plans. If you can't afford a wedding yourself, get married by a JP. You don't have to have a formal church ceremony to be married. The ceremony may be a needless expense anyway if your boyfriend doesn't have a high paying job. Get married, go to work, and save enough for the wedding that you want. Parents sometimes (and I am including myself in this) can be a bit cruel when their kids are doing something that they think is a mistake for their child. They will come around if you guys have a genuine love for one another, and can prove that you can make it on your own. It is a difficult path, but with discipline and grit you can do it. If your husband has been in the service, he has been taught discipline - now both of you have to team together to get what you want, but it will take work and sacrifice to get it - make sure that you are ready before you take the leap.
2006-11-20 02:44:49 · answer #3 · answered by Doug R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This question makes me question as to whether you are mature enough to marry. There will be far more major decisions that will need to be made in your future.
I am real curious though how you were to get married in April but he went into the Army & got out in June. The time frame is a bit off. Was he discharged for a reason? THAT may be what your parents are worried about.
You, your boyfriend & parents need to discuss this along with alot of other things before marrying.
2006-11-20 02:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cool it. Let this relationship ride for a while and see where it goes. Since he did not work before entering the service does not mean just because he was in the service that he is going to mature and everything will be great and he will work hard at a good job when he's out. See where he goeswith this job, what is his attitude about his present job, is he excited about it, does he see a bright future in this job, or is he holding this job just so he can marry you. Old lazy habits are hard to change. While he was in the service he has to do as he was told, not so now that he is out. Just cool it and listen to your parents, they love you and they have lots of wisdom.
2006-11-20 02:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by MJM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant make your parents pay for anything and a lot people pay for their wedding out of their own pockets. Bad idea to get married this year in December unless you want to go to the court house and get married and I know you dont want that. To plan a wedding it takes at least 9 months to 12 months. Wait to get married sometime next year planning a wedding is a lenghty process there are many decisions involved and every detail is important. You have to find vendors, make down payments, book a wedding ceremoney venue and a reception venue, find a florist, photographer, videographer, find a bakery, you have to get dresses, tuxes, decorations, so many things!! WAIT TO GET MARRIED! DONT RUSH IT!
2006-11-20 02:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should listen to the advise of his parents and your parents..If his own mother and father and warning you about their son--you need to listen. Many women get into really hard situations because they dont listen to the advise of people who love them..
Look, being married is very, very hard financially. There is rent, groceries, light bills, phone bills, cable bills, and nowadays gas bills are sky high. Rent is due on the 1st of the month--no exceptions. Not to mention health insurance, old credit cards bills, and just daily needs.
Right now, all you see is Love. But his parents and your parents are already married so they know what marriage is like: its not a Fairy Tale!..Bills are very real, and they cause HUGE arguments in marriage. Your parents don't want to see you suffer. I have a married female friend who was homeless recently--her husband lost his job, they got behind in rent, and got kicked out of their apartment. Her car was towed and they didnt have the $200 to get it out: so there she, with no car, no home, no money and with 2 small children..Her husband went to live in a shelter, and she bustled in between poor relatives. Her husband always had a hard time finding good jobs, and he still hasnt found a job. And do you know what she told me 2 weeks ago? She said "His Mom told me not to marry him".
If you think that "love is all we need", then think agian.
Marriage is a Business Partnership. It requires 2 smart people coming togther to figure out a budget, finances, bill payment duties, and savings.
If you pay for that wedding, then that is money out of your pocket that you could have used for rent. In addition, do you have 6 months of rent paid for your new home with your husband? Who will pay the bills? What will you do if he loses his job? Can you provide for your household without his income?
The worst case scenario is that you get Pregnant.Then you'll really be up the creek. Yes, babies are exciting and cute, but they are the most expensive creatures on the planet! Clothes, food, formula, diapers, babysitters, car-seats, strollers, baby beds--babies need 24 hour a day a week attention.
You need to become a Smart Young Woman and realize that you deserve a man who can provide for you, and your children if you get Pregnant. Listen to His Momma and Your Momma: Dont Marry Him Yet!
2006-11-20 02:52:39 · answer #7 · answered by Victory 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't "make them pay"... its their money and if you don't have their blessing they shouldn't have to do anything whether they said they would or not. And they would pay for it, once he proves he can take care of you, which probably means holding a job together for longer than a year. And you didn't mention what he does... flipping burgers is not going to 'take care of you'!
So your options aren't to MAKE anyone do anything- its to either pay for your own wedding... or be patient if the money is that big a factor.
I know personally I do not have a good relationship with my parents, so if they refuse to pay for the wedding to be exactly as I want it, they are going to be cut out of my future life, grand kids, etc for good. That is the one chance they get to prove themselves... I made that decision a long time ago. But if you have a good relationship with your family, dont' push, especially in matters of money, its their choice ultimately and if they dont' think you're ready, thats their perogative. Respect that and wait or go against it and pay for it yourself.. your choice.
2006-11-20 02:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't attempt to force your parents to do anything they don't want to do. If they want to pay for the wedding then let them...don't beg them, don't force them. If they don't, well then they probably have good reason. If you and/or your boyfriend insist on getting married this December, then foot the bill yourself. What about you...are you working? What is the rush to get married so quickly anyway? In this particular instance, I'm willing to bet that the sooner you get married, the sooner you'll get divorced. I see nothing in here about whether you two are actually in love.
2006-11-20 02:42:18 · answer #9 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read through your former questions. Sweetheart you really are not mature enough to be married. However, if you are pregnant I think you should get married (a very small wedding) if you are not pregnant I think you need to get yourself together and please get on birth control. Your parents do not "owe" you a wedding. If you can't pay off your bills you can't afford a wedding either. Good Luck to you.
2006-11-20 02:39:32 · answer #10 · answered by lily 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋