Overprotective mom, don't know what to do?

Question

I'm 19 and in college.I stay with my sister, but my mom makes me go home every weekend.She wouldn't let me go on a Christian retreat although I know the people are nice.She thought other people were going to be there.The weekend after the retreat I told her she was wrong, there were no other people there.She said it didn't matter.I dont have a job, I cant afford a car, and she's paying my college.Im scared if I dont do what she wants, she won't pay for my college anymore.I stay in a dorm with my sister. My mom has told me that she won't trust my judgement because I haven't lived as long as she has. That doesn't seem fair, because she has the chance to live her life and I want that chance.

I don't think I've proven myself to be untrustworthy. I have kept stuff from her about my older sister that she found out about, but my sister is 21, so I thoguht it would be better not to tell her. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or go out clubbing or anything like that. I do go out with my friends from the Christian group and occasionally with other friends but with the other friends its usually like shopping or having tea at her dorm. She might not trust me if she knew I went out with my friends from the Christian group because she doesn't know them and I didn't tell her but I can't tell her because I don't want her to tell me I cant' go. I don't want her mad at me, we already don't always get along. I'm also the middle girl.

Answer 1

Some mothers don't realize they are smothering their children with over protection, and some know exactly what they are doing, so that the child will always need them for life support regardless of their age.
You have got to start doing a few things a little bit at a time to start separation from childhood to being a adult. I would suggest a part time job to get started on learning money management, which will give you a few extra dollars as well a sense of achievement
Show her by action that you can be trusted and work toward your college degree, after that you will many more life choices than you do now.

Answer 2

I use to feel the same way until I actually relized why my mother was this way. It is so much going on in the world today that a parent don't want anything to happen to their child. The love for a child is so strong and a child doesn't understand it until they have had to be responsible for a human life. I understand where you are coming from trust me I've been there and it drove me crazy, but it was for a reason. You mother is not being mean, she cares and don't want anything to happen to you. A word of advice your mother will never stop being this way, she may ease up a little but never completly stop. My mom is still this way and I am 26 years old and have a 34 year old brother that she does the same. This is the way the love a parent has for a child is. Think if you had noone to worry about you, in this way. I have being dealing with foster children that have noone to care for them that don't even know their parents. Think about it. It may also be something you have done in the past that has caused her not to trust you. Did she do your sister this way? Good luck in whatever decide

Answer 3

Sit down with her and talk to her. Tell her how you feel and ask her if she can compromise with you.

If your the baby between you and your sister then she probably feels like she is loosing her baby girl. It will take time.

But as 19 years old you are considered a adult, you should go get a job and in your mom's eyes she will realize you are a adult when you take that big step.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

You are obligated in many ways because your mother pays all your expenses. Try to be respectful, tactful when you speak to her about your concerns and requests. No matter how much she "protects" you, things happen. You will pretty much do as you want but it doesn't make it right. Just because your sister is older, doesn't always mean she is tremendously wiser or makes all the best choices.

Answer 5

I know it sounds stupid... but some day you will look back on this and know she is right. I think at 20, I figured that all out, and then 4 months before my 21st bday, my mom passed away. So be thankful you have a mom there for you and cares that much about you.

Answer 6

If you want to be treated like an adult then maybe you need to have some responsibility. There is no reason why you cant get a part time job and perhaps a student loan.

Answer 7

Your mom is way overprotective and borderline control freak. You might just have to stand up to her and deal with the consequences. You can get financial aid and a job if need be to prove your independence. Tell her its time to cut the cord.

Answer 8

maybe you haven't proven your worth of her trust... Have you ask yourself this question or have it even occur to you... Maybe your looking in your selfish and own perspective way, that you have neglect the fact or even bother to ask "why is she like that?" "am i worth of her trust?" "have i proven that she can trust me?" You need not to have your so called independence for her to see that your worth of her trust... She's your mom and she sure know when you are ready to be free and independent, she knows best trust me... I was once there and i never got the chance to understand my parents at first, but look at me now, wherever i go, people would constantly praise me and my parents for raising one of the most proper and trust worthy living creature alive...
Trust there love and prediction, you'll never go wrong...

Answer 9

Talk to her about it.You are 19. You do need to live your own life. I moved out right after i turned 18. I'm 21 and still living on my own.

Answer 10

ouch well shes just trying to keep u safe thats what a moms job is try sitting down and talking to her about the situation
HTH (Hope This Helps)
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