dilemma time?

Question

ok i`m in a lot of debt. i asked my brother (who is well off) reluctantly if i could borrow money off him to pay off one of my credit cards as that would ease the burden and allow me to get a proper grip of my debts. that was 5 months ago. he said yes but didn`t bother turning up. again i asked him about 2 or 3 months later and again he said yes but again just didn`t bother turning up. 3 weeks ago i asked him for help. in fact i pleaded to his better nature and he said yes but yet again didn`t turn up. since then i`ve had to negotiate wiv the credit card agency but am still finding it really really hard going. my brother sent me an email last night saying he`ll be here this week and will help me out. i`m sooo p*ss*d off wiv him. i feel like telling him to stick it where the sun doesn`t shine. should i accept his help now or should i tell him to stick it and just carry on struggling? i`m actually in the process now of selling everything i own.

summersun i look after my dad full time. he has alzheimers. there are several reasons why i`m in so much debt. one of them is the fact my mum died 2 years ago and that alone put a finacial burden on me. none of my family come anywhere near me or my dad. i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. all are quite useless to me. so don`t tar me wiv the same brush as i aint a sponger. i`m a victim of circumstance. so u can stick that up ur ars*

all my cards have been cancelled by me which the credit card agencies applauded. i tried for a consolidation loan but was turned down because of my credit rating. the credit card agency capped the interest for me but it only helps a little. i wont apply for other credit cards to transer the balance as that will lead to more trouble in the future. sensa try reading the question properly u tw*t! i`m p*ssed at my brother cos i asked him for help and he didn`t help. an extra bit of info.....the brother i asked for help was in financial trouble back in 1990 because he went behind on his mortgage. i bailed him out to the tune of £4000 and never asked for the money back. he now has a house worth £1,000,000 and owns roughly a further 13 or so properties. i`d have helped any of my family out

summersun i apologise to u for throwing an insult at u. i do get angry being wrongly judged and pre-judged. my unreserved apology x

shellhiggs07 u got it right on the button. wen i ask for help all i get is excuses lol it`s pathetic. the first time i asked my brother for help he told me yes no problem. a week and a half later i find out he went off to korea for 2 months holiday lol. must of slipped his mind to fone and let me know! i get pathetic excuses from all my brothers and sisters. the best one to date is "well we`re not a close family" lol. i`ve tried literally everything to get my family to help on many many many many occasions. the last thing i told them was this is their golden chance to give something back that they`ve taken all their lives......love. still nothing!

Answer 1

A few years ago I was badly in debt and didnt know which way to turn so I went to Citizens Advise Centre who were great, they contacted all my debtors (Which stopped interest being added on) and offered a minmum payment of £5 per month to some and £1 per month to others, you do have to submit a financiel status to them but they did all the ringing around for me and any correspondence required was also sorted by them. They are there to help and were fantastic with me. If you borrow from your brother you will then have the embarassing moments when he asks you for the money back and maybe you havnt got it.

Answer 2

Number 1 your brother doesn't owe you help in something you created,,borrowing money from friends and relatives is a LAST resort only and usually doesn't turn out well..I wouldn't advise it..look...you are already pissed off and wanting to tell him to stick it...here's what you should do...find a credit card company with no yearly fees that has perhaps 6 months0 percent or really low..lots will do 1 point something percent...then transfer all the credit cards to that one...the new credit card will close all the accounts to the other cards..cut them up DON'T use them again...then begin monthly payments which will be less than the combined total of the others...but always try and pay more so that the interest will go down...don't forget every time you miss a credit card payment you interest percent goes up...did you know that? You brother probably wants to help you but is hoping that you can do it on your own...for the sake of your own pride and sense of accomplishment try this first...you CAN do it...I did....I worked extra shifts anything I could get went on an austerity program...cut the paper and the cable...get rid of the extras you don't really need til this is done,.you will find you probably wont even get them hooked back up ..I haven't had cable in over 15 years...don't miss it.good luck..and stop blaming the fault that you are in credit trouble on your brother...you charged the money...not him. I just saw your additional note,...contact the Alzheimer society for help or direction to some help programs also contact the United Way they can direct you...best wishes...you can do it!

Answer 3

Yes your family should of been there to help out with your parents debts, they shouldn't of left it all for you, why you let this happen I don't know.

Since you are a full time carer for your father you should be getting a Carer's Allowance, not sure how much that would be but at least it would be something.

As for your brother mucking you about, he could very well have good reason for not showing up when he said he would, you say he is well off, that is probably because he works hard for it, the 2nd you let things slip is the same 2nd you could loose everything so give him a chance, especially now since he is the one saying that he will be there without you asking him.

Try going to a debt solution company...not a debt consilidation company, you will loose more money that way. A debt solution company will help you come up with a payment plan to clear all your debt, they will be able to freeze the interest in your credit cards and other debts that you might have.

Try not to be too dependent on your family to clear your debts, talk to them and make sure they understand that you need financial help to clear your parents debts and to help care for him, why don't you try splitting the electricity bills, phone bills etc, it should only be fair.

Answer 4

well either you meet your brother and accept his help - or you tell him to shove it up his **** - and do yourself no favours whatsoever.
Ok whilst we often expect other people to jump at our beck and call - it doesnt always happen - Im sure your brother is probably a very busy man and it genuinely slipped his mind so swallow your pride and accept his help.
Once you have your cards cleared may I suggest that you NEVER get another one again - if you cant pay cash for something then do without it.
Whilst you deserve applause for looking after your father - you are still a grown man and should have enough sense to realise that you are living a life beyond your financial allowance.
The longer you struggle - the more miserable you will get - clear these debts and organise some kind of financial or savings guide that will help you visibly see how much incoming money you have and how much outgoing per month you have. Good luck xx

Answer 5

Its at times like these that familys should try and stick together. If its through no fault of your own, then asking siblings (who are well off) for help is acceptable. Your parents had 5 children, not one. Seems to me like your the only one who is looking out for your family, and though tough, you are sticking by them. I understand how you now feel about your bro, and I would be tempted to do the same, but remember that he is apart of the family too, and he shpuld try and help which ever way he can. If he can financially, emotionally, physically, then any good natured human being would. Could you not give your bank account number and stuff so he can deposit the money straight in your bank? Why not try the local CAB? they should be able to give you some advice and point you in the right direction. If youre still strugling, arrange to see your bank and take it from there. Thinking of you.

Answer 6

Wow you sound in a mess. you should visit the BBC debt connsolodation web site. They will help you with bankruptcy or another thing where you only end up paying off 25% of your debt and don't feel guilty these companies are ripping every one off and lending to vurlnerable people, so just do what you can to protect urself and don't worry about large companies. As for your family, you could do with some boundaries why have you taken on all the crap while everyone else is off getting on with thier own lives. good luck

Answer 7

Firstly make sure you are getting all the carer benefits and support you are eligable for from the council. Perhaps you can get some respite and give you a bit of a break wich I would guess you need if the rest of your family aren't helping with your father.

talk to benefit people about your debts and see if they can help. I work with some carers in my job and one of them has told me about a benefit loan you can apply for in small ammounts. It may not be much but they may help to cover a few payments and will be paid back by you in small manageable amounts. Also have you spoken to your bank?

If your brother does help you accept the offer. If you have helped him in the past do not turn down his offer. It may seem hard but take it. Family are there to help even if you aren't a close family.

Good luck in sorting it out.

Answer 8

is yr credit card 0% if not change straight away so then u r paying just the debt - go to www.moneyexpert.com it's very good for this sort of problem & can tell u how to lump it all togeather, if its a serious amount of debt speak to citizens advice because they can put a stop to u recieving letters & calls & paying any intrest at all as they give u a money budget to pay yr debts.
good luck
p.s. i wouldn't borrow from friends or family as it always turns nasty, he could say at any time he wanted his money back & then where would u be?

Answer 9

get a part time job, and dont buy anything you dont need. keep trying things will look up soon. as for your brother, accept it but be prepareed if he doesnt turn up. dont ask anything of him again as it obviously wont help. keep a jar for spare cash, and keep saving. when you have a bit of money, invest so you have a bit of money coming from there too. look out for odd jobs, and see if there is any way someone else can look after your dad for a while. you can visit him sometimes, but you shouldnt have to watch him all the time. try and get him to spend an hour on his own or something, so you can work for a few hours a day. hope this helps, and also hope that everything gets sorted out. keep trying.

Answer 10

Right, firstly get yourself an appointment with CAB in your area, they should have a Money Specialist at their office, they will write to all your creditors, water co., etc., and get all interest frozen and as someone else said, they will speak with all yr creditors and arrange to pay back all payments even if you can only afford £1/month they will accept it, be prepared to bring all your paperwork with you and every outgoing bills. You will also need to show all your in comings. Most of the creditors will accept even the £1/month rather than taking it to court as the courts will still only allow you to pay what you can truly afford.

Have you considered claiming DLA for your father? not sure if you can get Carers Allowance too.

After you have seen CAB and they are on the case, tell your brother to SOD-OFF