My friend (mom of 3) is getting divorced and I am worried about how she is handling the situation with her kids. As of now, her ex sees the kids Mon eves, Wed eves and Friday eve-Sat morn. He's living @ a friend's house so he has visitation at my friend's home. (She leaves and returns home when he is supposed to go.)Sometimes she lets him spend Mon or Wed night (on the couch). Also, he's having knee surgery next month and is moving back into her home for a while so he can recuperate from his surgery. I think this is a bad situation for the kids. Confusing them, sending wrong messages, etc. She thinks it's not going to harm them for life so-no big deal. When I voiced my concern, she got offended and said to stop trying to control her. I want what's best for her and the kids and allowing her ex to use her is a bad example for the kids. What can I tell her to let her know the kids can't handle the inconsistency with dad coming back then leaving again? Her kids are 6, 4 and 1.
2006-11-19 23:36:29 · 5 answers · asked by minivanmadness 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think your right. They are both not thinking at all about the kids. Divorce is a very selfish act when children a re involved. It says we can't work out our problems we have to run away from them. This back and forth staying at the ex's house to recuperate is bull. If you want to be divorced then be divorced. I don't want to hear the whining when the kids are so messed up emotionally.
2006-11-19 23:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by Peloubet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually what she is doing should be done more often. She is being mature about the divorce and not putting the children in between it. When kids can see that two people can still be on friendly terms, they learn so much. It is good for them to see that even though things could not work out between their parents it doesn't mean they have to be rude, obnoxious or childish towards one another. This is great what your friend is doing! I applaud her! Many others should be doing the exact same thing. For harming the kids, it would be more harmful to them if they saw their parents fighting, yelling, or felt the tension between them. It isn't confusing as long both parents let the children know they are friends and daddy will be moving out once he is better. They are young still, although it does affect them, but they are amazingly strong. Her kids will understand it. Your intentions might be good, they might stem from another area, but again what she is doing is the right thing. You have to understand that being mature about and treating him like a friend is a lot better in the long run for those kids than for them to be bitter and childish about it. I hope your eyes have opened to a new view. Let your friend know I think she is doing the best thing for her kids and I applaud her loudly.
2006-11-20 07:50:59 · answer #2 · answered by trustnoone_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really think this is a bad thing unless their arguing! I think its showing the kids that even if mommy and daddy don't live together any more they still care about each other and love them enough to get along! Let your friend handle things the way she feels best for her family and you need to just support her!
2006-11-20 07:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by kelley1031 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is bad. I think what message it sends is "even though we don't love each other, we can still be friends" which is a good thing for the kids.
2006-11-20 07:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by tigerbaby322006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did he divorce her if he still wants to live in her house? that makes no sense. chances are she knows he's using her and she knows that it's gonna hurt the kids but she's turning the other cheek because he persuaded her to do it.
i would tell her the kids need counseling. it would probably come out then.
2006-11-20 07:44:22 · answer #5 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋