It was our baby. Am I awful?
2006-11-19 22:52:29 · 56 answers · asked by Tanja Sсh 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Why was your baby undesirable? Women have terminations for lots of reasons - and in most cases they do feel awful afterwards. You still feel the guilt and the loss, but because it was your decision to do so you don't expect anyone to understand how you are feeling. Whatever you do now, do not tell your husband what you did. He would likely be devastated and it would be selfish of you to tell him now. What he doesn't know can't hurt him and this is your burden to carry. It won't be easy but what you are feeling now will lessen, but you will never forget. You might want to talk to your GP about how you are feeling - he/she might be able to point you in the right direction of who to talk to about this to help you come to terms with the decision you made. It is done now and can't be undone and grief and guilt isnt' a good combination to keep bottled up. Talk to someone about your feelings. There will always be people who judge what you did but there will be some who understand too.
2006-11-19 23:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by Lost and found 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I dont believe abortion is always wrong and using strong language like murder and kill is cruel to the asker. She has already been through a lot and is feeling awful. Wheres the support guys? She cant go back and change her mind. And what if she had the baby that she didnt desire, what life would that be for both of them?
You obviously had your reasons. At the end of the day it is your body and your decision. No one elses. Even without knowing your reasons you must have felt it was the right thing to do for family, at the time. Concentrate ion those reasons.
Dont dwell on it for long. Dont feel bad. Rather concentrate on your families future. If you didnt involve the father in the decision then you probably shouldn't do so now. It is soley your right to decide on pregnancies. It may cause futher heartache to tell him now. But again it can only be your decision. You know him and we dont. How do think he'll react? Maybe speak to someone. The clinic that you went to should be able to help with councilling.
I hope you find peace.
2006-11-19 23:23:35 · answer #2 · answered by nycgrl 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is a very private thing and im surprised you would come on an internet site to talk about it unless your just want people to tell you that what you've done is ok, and IT IS.
YOu maybe should have discussed it with your husband even for some support but ultimately its your body and its YOUR CHOICE no one can take that choice away from you. if you felt like you couldnt look after, afford or just werent ready, thats fine, its your choice just remember that and dont listen to any of the negative comments, they are indeed entitled to there opinion but thats all it is .
Good luck with whatever you choose ti do next
2006-11-20 00:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
EEK! You're in a sticky situation aren't you? I feel so bad for what you must be going through... You must be suffering terribly. I have to say though that I don't think it was fair to get rid of the baby without discussing it with your husband. You are so in need of him and his support right now, but it will be very difficult for him to accept the abortion as he wasn't involved. I;m sure that he loves you and would support you no matter what. I don't know if you should tell him now, but you need support from somewhere. Talk to a crisis pregnancy agency and ask them for support and help....... they'll advise you also. You're not awful.... but you need to sort out in your mind what you'll tell your husband about what happened. My heart goes out to you.... i hope you get some support soon.
2006-11-20 01:04:46 · answer #4 · answered by Sinead G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not listen to all of these people. They are not in your situation and its wrong for them to judge you and you are not awful.
I have been through an abortion and I know how terrible it is and how guilty you feel. The difference was my partner knew.
If you cannot talk to your husband about this, try speaking to a friend. It does not help to keep it all bottled up inside.
A piece of advice that I heard somewhere that works. Sit down with a piece of paper and write a letter to the baby. Write down how you feel and why you terminated the pregnancy. Once you are finished, burn the letter. If you cannot talk to someone, at least you will have gotten some of the feelings out and some it off your chest.
Mine happened 27 June 2001 and I still won't forget it. It does get easier with time though.
2006-11-20 00:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Im sorry you feel that you couldnt go through with your pregnancy, but if you felt at the time it was right, then you made the right decision, dont let people tell you your wrong for making YOUR OWN decision. In this life we are able to choose what is best for us, I believe women should have the right to abort an unwanted pregnancy, although I do think you should have consulted your partner. Your not awful hunny you were just doing what you felt was the right thing.
2006-11-19 23:29:54 · answer #6 · answered by mummy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not awful.
Yeah you probably should have told him, but ultimately it was your decision what to do with the baby, and if it was right for you, then that is OK. Nobody has the right to judge you. You will probably have to tell your husband, otherwise i think you will drive yourself mad. Its likely that he is going to feel extremely hurt, and it will take him time to get over. From his point of view he will feel betrayed and upset you felt you couldn't tell him about it. Im sure that if you both love each other you can get through it. Terminating a pregnancy can be a traumatic time anyway, without the guilt about your husband, and you would probably find it beneficial speaking to someone about it who can help you.
2006-11-19 23:24:00 · answer #7 · answered by retardomc 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think you've made an incredibly difficult decision, something you must have thought long and hard about. I had a termination when I was 18 and I was wracked with guilt for a long time afterwards. You have done what you thought was best, but I think there must be problems with your marriage if you didnt feel that you could approach your husband and talk to him about things. Dont listen to the people who are criticising you, they have probably never been in your position. Just move on with your life, I did, and now I have beautiful 3 year old twins who I adore. Good luck, you will feel better soon
2006-11-19 23:15:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you mean abortion, then it is up to you how you feel. It sounds like guilt. People should really think things through before acting on it. But you can't think of the "What ifs" now, it's done. I think the father of the child deserved to know before hand. Now it's a bit late. How can you put undesirable and baby in the same sentence. Sorry, I believe women have a rights. But for myself and my children I don't believe in a termination of a pregnancy. To each their own, I always say. Get some counseling, how you feel about what you've done will take a toll on you.
2006-11-19 22:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 12⤊ 0⤋
No you are not awful. You obviously had personal reasons for doing so but it is a big secret to keep from your husband.
If I was you I wouldn't ever tell him or it could be the end of the marriage.
You should talk to someone about it, a councellor or close friend/family member as it is a big weight to carry around for the rest of your life.
2006-11-20 04:18:46 · answer #10 · answered by TheYorkshireRose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋