I am 19 and he is 28. He told me that we were "broke up" and now he says he's considering moving me in. However, I am not allowed to be there on the days that he has his daughter. I live in Longmont, and he lives in Glenwood Springs. It's a long distance. I will always be worried that he will drop me off and then not pick me up again. I don't know what to think. I love this man so much, but I don't need to be let down by him again. If we're broke up, then why would I move in? If I move in, it will be serious, and he doesn't want me to be around his daughter, mostly because of the ex wifes influence. He tells me he wants to get married and have kids someday, that he's angry because his ex "ruined our relationship," yet he wanted to break up with me only a couple weeks ago. I need some advice. Is it worth it to try again with this guy I'm in love with? Or should I tell him that we need to wait until he earns his trust? Should I talk to him and find out if he wants to be serious? Or not?
2006-11-19 19:44:20 · 5 answers · asked by Raye 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is a pretty good one. Raye your right to be cautious and I would move slow at this point. He's already set out red flag that he wanted to break up. But dissecting it a little deeper he's in a divorce… that's not over….. trust me it's not over until all the children turned 18 !! If he has an evil ex-wife and he has to be extremely careful. I think I understand at least part of his worries.
If the wife found out about you (and eventually she would get it from the daughter) by intimidation or slip of the tongue. Then she could petition the court to stop custody rights by your boyfriend (her ex-husband). The x-wife’s nasty lawyer could simply say when the daughter goes over there he is sleeping with a teenager. (Certainly you're over age and 100% legal but lawyers have a way of twisting things).
I'm sure he doesn't want to risk that. Maybe even he considered not seeing you again just because maybe his xwife is keeping a close eye on him. But then maybe he rethought that. Could be the reason for his back-and-forth thinking.
I don't think earning his trust is the problem. I think he's more scared of how dangerous his ex-wife is. He definitely has some baggage and it sounds like he'll have continued problems with the X. But in my opinion it is no reason to hate him or drop him. If you love him then you have to understand the situation does exist and is not going to go away anytime soon.
You need to talk with him about the things I said here but in your own words. I'm sure these are fears that he has. When his daughter's there tell him you need another alternative idea other than driving all the way back to Longmont. Also maybe the both of you need to meet with his lawyer and explain the situation so that his lawyer may have a strategy to prevent this from being a problem.
Mark
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2006-11-19 20:16:57 · answer #1 · answered by GirlsTellAll.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so young to be going through the drama with the children the ex, babies momma drama and all the nightmare that comes along with being a step parent.
I know that you are going to stay and not listen but know what you are getting into..do lots of research about blended families and step parenting. It is more then just loving this guy, that you have to worry about here.
2006-11-19 19:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you may have answered your own question when you said you would always be worried he would drop you off and not pick you up again. Not a peaceful way to live, honey. If he is ready to live with you, he is ready to have you be a part of his daughter's life. By all means talk to him but in my opinion it should only be to explain that you cannot live with a man who is so unsure of himself.
2006-11-19 19:53:20 · answer #3 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run. He is too old and is dominating and manipulating you. At 19 you are at a stage in your life where you should be dating, partying, traveling and enjoying life. If you hook up with him, he will use you as his cook, cleaner, bottle washer, extra pay check, and eventually baby sitter when he decides it is the 'right time' for his daughter to be exposed to you. Don't fall for the okey doke. There is a reaon why his ex-wife left him. If he dumped you two weeks ago, he can dump you two weeks from now, two months from now, or two years from now. It's harder to get away from someone when all of your finances are tied up with theirs.
2006-11-19 19:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by searious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude, he's OLD - why are you even wasting time with a guy like that? And he's cleaqrly a wuss and a jerk to you. Are you trying to compensate for a "dad you didn't have?" Dump the jerk & fund someone your age with no exes, no children, no whining... find a man, for a change.
2006-11-19 19:48:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋