Should you stay in a marriage if you never have sex?

Question

I gave birth to a daughter one year ago. She was a premie and things have been very difficult. For the sake of our unborn daughter, we had to stop having sex during pregnancy and never really have attempted since (maybe once). I am not really happy as I was before...my husband always second guesses me and never takes my opinion into consideration. With the birth of my premature daughter, he has continuously challenged any of the information relayed to me by trained doctors and seems willing to take chances with my daughter's health (i.e., bring her into crowded places)....She is a premie, so we have been told to keep her out of public places. Anyway, has anyone stayed in a marriage without sex. If so, for how long and why?

Answer 1

I was a premature baby and had to spend a few week in an incubator after I was born. The early difficulties with your daughter may be over stressing you, causing you to inadvertently overcompensate by repeatedly voicing your worries. Your husband may think your just being a "worry-wart" and exaggerating what the doctors are saying, which is why he is so dismissive of your concerns. Have your husband come with you during your daughter's next doctor's appointment and ask the doctor to explain her condition and the various health risk directly to him. If he hears it first hand he'll know you're not exaggerating and will not be as reckless with your daughter's health.

As for sex... well it's understandable to lose drive with all the stressing over the health of your daughter and the additional medical cost. It's not very clear which of you is wanting the sex and who is withholding.

You should talk with him and figure out what is keeping both of you from getting the sex back the way it was. There's been a disconnect between the two of you. He may not be in the mood because of stress and lack of control. If you are constantly knit-picking at him (and I'm not saying you are) that's a huge turn-off. Guys like it when they feel the money they make and the things they do are enough to make their woman content. Complaints make them feel like failures and they're not gonna want to stay with someone that makes them feel like crap. Since having the baby you might (without realizing) have been knit-picking at him with all the stuff you've been worrying about and the only thing you've noticed him ignoring was the stuff from the doctors because it happens to be over the most important thing, the health of your daughter. Deep down he's just as concerned with the bills, the increase medical cost, and your daughter's health and that kind of stress kills libido. On the other side of the coin, if you're the one not in the mood it could be a hormone imbalance caused by the pregnancy and they haven't returned to normal. Or it could be you feel less of an emotional connection because he's ignoring you and becoming distant (and that could be caused by whatever stress he's under like I said), so you don't feel attracted to him enough to want sex with him.

Like I said, the only way you'll be able to figure things out is to talk it out, no sex for year is pretty much a preable for a split, because there's no more emotional connection, I'd say your time is running short if things arent addressed soon. No one should stay in a marriage without sex, and no none should stay in a marriage where there is no emotional connection.

Answer 2

Give yourself both time to adjust, after some time your child will improve and things will stablize. Focus on her first and when you and your husband feel a bit better...talk about lovemaking again. You have to communicate your needs to him, he might be feelign stressed and he really can't guess at how much you need this. You can pleasure yourself a little until then, you have to have some sort of sexual release and this is the safest way. Also your husband just wants reassurance that his daughter is alright and he thinks that if she can put up with crowded places, then she's not as weak as the doctors say. Now your daughter is a year old, there's no harm in taking her out everywhere and letting her do all the things that normal kids her age do. I was premature, my Mom took no precautions with me and I grew up to be a doctor...I think I'm normal!

Answer 3

have sex. marriages will begin to die without it. the spark is fading... so give an attempt and save your marraige and your family's unity and have sex, for frick sakes!!

I think your husband may also be trying to give your baby daughter a realistic life. your daughter is his as well, if you married this man, he MUST be reasonable enough to not put your daughter in crazy danger.

Both of you are on different sides: he's feeling rejected and undervalued. You're feeling like he isn't taking you seriously. Then you both push eachother away. This is not how marriage should be.

oh yeah, and go seduce him. have sex already. it's not the heart of a marriage but it will help pull you two back together again. i don't want this to fall apart on you.

Answer 4

Well it seems that your husband isn't the problem here. A premature baby 1 year old is no longer premature. If you continue this way your child will be extremely allergy prone. Babies need exposure to normal diseases to develop their immune systems. You are not doing daughter any favours by keeping her away from public places. You should also be getting your daughter outside playing in dirt. If you don't believe me, consult your medical practitioner.
As far a sex is concerned, is it your husband who isn't interested or is it you? I get the feeling that you have the sexual problem.

Answer 5

Yes, My husband runs from intimacy. He has been avoiding sex for about ten years now. I think that he is probably impotent but too insecure to try to do anything about it. When I ask him why he avoids it, his answer is "I don't know." I think he just wants to stop thinking about it and hopes that it will go away. It was very difficult to get used to, but I have had to accept it. I believe that sexual intimacy in marraige acts like sort of a glue to help you stay close. When the sexual bond is not there, after a while you will feel very distant from each other and that does nothing to help a marriage.

Answer 6

I wouldn't stay. That's not fair to you. But you should also sit down and have a long talk with him about it. If he is afraid to have another child because of the health problems your premie has that's perfectly normal. But there are ways around that. Birth control can easily fix that. Good luck, God Bless.

Answer 7

Well obviously there are more problems in your marriage then just the lack of sex. If your husband puts your daughter at risk then he isn't just lacking in the husband area, he's lacking as a father too. Try talking to him, communication is the key in a relationship. if that dosen't resolve your issues then you might want to think about leaving. Take care

Answer 8

Its not normal. You husband may feel that your rejecting him. that he is not important enough. You have to focus more on the relationship. you can't forget about him. You are showing your childern how adults are in a relationship. Your marriage shouldn't suffer just because you had childern. seriously.. It should be the marriage first then kids. If he thinks he is better at raising the child. thinks he knows best. over you. even puts you down for doing certain things with the child.. its.. a sign of Emtionaly Abuse.

Answer 9

Yeah I have been for 1 and a half year with out the act.

And we are still together after the marriage of Two years and are happy to b with each other.We do it now quite often but had a break of 18 months earlier.


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Answer 10

I do not believe that a marriage should be based on just sex. If you aren't having sex with your husband and it upsets you then you need to take time and talk to him about it. Try seeing if talking to him about it will help. Your major problem here is that your husband and you both have different points of view and they are conflicting. You need to sit down and discuss things and try to compromise.

good luck!