My husband offend's me on a regualr basis and I tell him that it upsets me (what he says) But he just acts like it's a joke and then I get mad and he suddenly moves out of the 'Joke mood' and into the 'angry mood' within 2 seconds. Pleaseee helpp, I'm totally stuck!
2006-11-19 18:42:09 · 7 answers · asked by Melissa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For Stormy. I didnt want to get into too much detail because I needed adivce just on the main topic because my husband can say the harshest things like 'Why don't you walk you're fat **** to the shops.' (Which he's said as a joke, and totally took it back.) OR it could be my fault for being stuborn and wanting to get my own way. But what It comes down to him disrespecting. When ever I talk to him he interupts me and says 'Okay okay, I get it' and moves on, I can't even talk! We've been married 3 years and I'm 20 years old.
2006-11-19 19:14:25 · update #1
Wow, sounds like he is NOT listening to you. And there are some respect issues involved. It's a big concern that he gets mad when you try to discuss the issue with him as well. And is so quick to anger. I find it alarming and it sounds like emotional abuse to me.
http://abuse101.com/emotionalabuse.html
2006-11-19 18:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be APBT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Melly,
Not knowing your age, how long you have been married or any other information, its difficult to answer this question.
You havent defined "offend". does he verbally abuse you?. or tell dirty or inapporporaite jokes? Does he put you down in front of others? Does he hit you?
It sounds like there is more to this story than you are letting on.
If telling him that the behaviour is condidered offensive to you (thats a basic strategy to adopt) has no impact but only to "fire him up" it seems the problems with the both of you are more deepseated than first stated and needs more professional advice than the internet can provide.
May i suggest that you go see your local GP and as for a referal to a counsellor. Not many counsellors are "nice" and "easy" to deal with, so ask around.
The other more drastic option (depending on your current circumstances) maybe to take steps in dissolusion of the marriage. but having said that, we in cyberspace do not know the full extent of your situation.
When I was with the police I quickly learned that the old folksy expression "there are two sides to a story" doesnt normally apply in a domestic situation. There can be 2 "rights" and 2 "wrongs" in the party of 2.
So go see your local GP or a womens health group or even a close friend and seek some professional help for your answer
There maybe issues with him that you dont know of..your issues with yourself that may need some work on.
All the best and i hope it works out for you both
2006-11-20 02:59:39 · answer #2 · answered by Storm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im sorry for you my dear I know how you feel. My father is like that magnify it 100 times more. there no stopping these people the more you show it bothers you the mmore they do it. and even if you don't open your mouth they do it just to upset you and push you down all the time, I know some people have said to you try talking to him and let him know it hurts men like that could't give a flying leap to that. they do it anyways cause they like it some how. I end up walking away unless im caught in the car or some place i can't freely leave. but its hard day night my dear. i'm really sorry for you cause this man you are married to . Can only say my mother left my father after 6 long years of it. and he can't understand why crazy nut.
2006-11-20 03:24:06 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is from the old school & he is so young to be like that must have learnt it from his Dad.
you are going to have to have a real serious talk (not an arguement) with your man & set some boundries out & ask him to respect you & to let you talk & finish what you are saying with out him cutting you off & say if he tells you to get your fat~~~~ to the shops etc that he will be getting his fat~~~~ out of your life etc you need to put a stop to it now or it will just get worse & you will stop loving him in the end
2006-11-20 04:18:21 · answer #4 · answered by ausblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, I understand. Its like its okay for him but not for you. Thats bad. I think he should stop , especially if it bugs you. wow, he is your hbby and he is doing this, It hard to make a move on that especially if you want your marriage to work. I will tell him again and let him know how it really makes you feel. Also do not allow him to offend you. If he cares and loves you he will stop. Just tell him too that if he want your relationship to last he has got o stop! Good Luck
2006-11-20 02:52:33 · answer #5 · answered by want-my-advice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar thing. He ddidn't move into "angry mood", but his phrases (even despite he insisted that was just a joke) used to make me feel less about myself. Every time he did that, i kept on telling him how much i dislike his attitude and once i clearly said his "jokes" make me quetly hate him and appreciate my other freinds more then him. He stopped.
But it all did spoil my respect and love for him, he had to work hard to win it again.
Good luck with it!
2006-11-20 02:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
a) Do not allow anyone to offend you.
b) Get to know from some expert, what in YOUR BEHAVIOUR triggers his offensive approach
c) Do not waste time and do not allow the relationship to drift apart.
2006-11-20 02:49:41 · answer #7 · answered by astrospeech@gmail.com 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋