My husband and I can never agree on anything and everything and anything I say he challenges even if I am right. I have made big mistakes by leaving a good relationship in the past - I don't want to make anymore mistakes, or have regrets. When I attempt to chat with him to tell him about my feelings it always turns into a fight. I feel like I am always wrong and he is not to sensitive when it comes to how I may be feeling. He feels that I have nothing to be unhappy about. Again, nothing I say seems to count - even when I have told him that I am not happy. We have grown extremely distant. I still love him very much, but there are things that just irk me about him. I gave birth to a daughter last year and don't want to deprive her of anything, but I also feel like I have to be true to myself and my feelings, so I can be a good mom. Also, I have issues with his family members...they truly don't like me too much. Very difficult situation would appreciate any and all advice. TY.
2006-11-19 18:40:07 · 9 answers · asked by Gina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How is he a wonderful guy, if he won't listen to you and then turn it into a fight?
Seek marriage counseling so you get an outside opinion telling him to listen to your feelings and to make things work for your daughter's sake.
2006-11-19 18:56:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know your thinking about leaving this relationship. But don't take those thoughts lightly. You may have problem with his ability to communicate or be sensitive. Those skills can be learned as long as both your hearts are in the right place with each other. But you have said he is a wonderful guy, the father of your child and that you love him very much. Isn't that worth fighting for? You should seek the help of a good counselor who will help both of you deal with problems in your marriage. Hang in there. It can get better.
2006-11-19 19:18:42 · answer #2 · answered by Jack 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that this man is good----what are you complaining about?
A good man is hard to find!
In a relationship things will not always be perfect! At times the relationship will have differences--the reason is two people with different dreams, goals, ambitions, opinions, etc. are working to make a relationship work!
It does not appear that you all have a big problem...only a communication problem.......Some men are not really good listeners..they do not mean to make the women feel or think that they are inferior but it happens like that......
If the two of you have a daughter togehter you really need to work on making the relationship work...if no abuse is involved...you say that you love him....question him on his love for you...
As for his family..it does not matter is they like you or not...you are not sleeping with them..you are with the guy....
Do not worry about what others think of you..only your man
2006-11-19 18:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by destine4_69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the sounds of it, I wounder if you have looked at things from their point of view. The reason I say this is, that if there are so many people who are having a dislike about you, then perhaps there is something you are doing. You may not be aware of it.
I would talk to him and get his point of view about this.
As you have said that you have left good relationships before, and knew now that it was a mistake, then I would think that this should be a "red flag" that would make me stop and take a really hard look at myself.
2006-11-19 19:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by kamikaze_4021 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to consider leaving him, but do what you can to salvage the relationship first. See a marriage counselor, ALONE if he won't go. It sounds like he is completely insensitive to your feelings. As long as HE's happy, the marriage is just fine in his book. I was married for a couple of years in my 20's to a guy who sounds just like him. He was constantly competing with me intellectually and trying to prove himself as being more skilled and knowledgable than I was. I got to the point that I hated being around him, even though I cared about him. He made me feel undesirable and unloved. I begged him to go to counseling, to take me seriously, but his ego prevailed. After many tearful arguments, I left him for another man (it didn't work out with him, but I guess I needed a catalyst for my escape). Yeah, it was a sh*tty way to leave him, and I regret doing it that way...he was devastated, and I would NOT recommend it. The point is, I only regret the WAY I left, not the actual LEAVING. I have now been happily married for 8 years to a guy who treats me as his equal, takes equal responsibility for the house and kids, shows me affection, tells me he loves me every day....a guy I can't wait to see at the end of a workday, not a guy I dread coming home to. He may change for the better if he'll actually listen to your concerns. If he can't or won't, you will sacrifice true happiness if you stay with him. Good luck.
2006-11-19 18:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look you both love each other and you said he's a good man. I think its the way your approaching him with these talks,. keep in mind too men aren't on the same sensitivity level as we are they try but they just dont' get us half the time. they think something little to them is not big deal yet we'll be in tears.
Try coming at him another way. don't be defensive i dont' care if yoru man or woman but coming to any partner saying im not happy. doesnt' really get to the root of the problem and he will feel oh great no matter what i do its never enough for you..
So try repostioning your thoughts guys deal more in facts and short talks not long drawn out oh my poor this or that. try to keep it civilized and don't point fingers or blame you wont' get anywhere by be rating him or making him feel its all his fault. after all it takes two to tango. i just think your communicating it wrong to him. You my whine or nag him and thats not what they want to hear.
Take time yourself before going to him and figure out what really upsets you or bothers you. then don't ask him when he comes straight in the door. let him know a ahead of time sometime this week i would like to have a serious talk about us. this will give him time to in his head to mull things over and take time too so you dont' throw him for a loop out of no where he will also have concerns and this is a good as time as any to discuss them. also gives him the time to be ready for it not when the football game is on or he steps in the frontdoor.
You mention you always feel wrong and he's always right but does he make you feel that way or is that just in your mind and you feel that he's doing it but he isnt' really.
Your growing extremely distant thats because your both tired of when you do meet up to talk you end up in a fight match. no one wants that so they lean away from the other but that isnt' good either cause then there goes your intimacy and closeness. try to find another way of speaking to him. and watch your words don't let them be fighting or defensive on guard words. talk to him reasonably. and if your both getting heated up again then you know thats not working call a time out and say we'll re visit this later.
You can do this just have to find the right communication your husband doesn't feel threatened with or that he's a failure . Men want to please just as we want to please them. So try wording it another way. im sure he won't be as defensive then its all in the delivery my dear.
try it and good luck. its worth trying you two love each other.
2006-11-19 19:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gina,
I would like you to pass this to your husband. I'm a guy who has been with my girl for eleven years. I really got complacent in my relationship taking lots for granted, here about 5 monthes ago she came home one day and said that we are selling the house and she's out of here at first I was angry and ok with it for about the last four monthes I have really been trying to work things out with her because since she has been gone I have realized how much I truly love this girl. I have made ammends to alot of things that I have done wrong and she is starting to see them. Man how could I have been like that to a woman that I truly love, Taking a relationship for granted and thinking that it will always be there. Relationships are like cars, if you maintain them they are good to you and if you dont take care of them they fall apart and you think that its a piece of junk when in reality it is probably the owners fault. I hope this helps you out from a male perspective and hope your husband does not have to experience the lonliness that I have had to endure because I wasnt maintaining my relationship and almost lost the love of my life. Good Luck!
2006-11-19 19:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by Rod G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to your life. Sounds like you made bad decisions in the past, and continued to make them when you married this guy. Now you're in it... you've got a kid. I suspect you'll make another crappy decision and get a divorce. You probobly had somekind of crappy chaotic childhood. Chaos is what you know. When there is no chaos, you have to create it. It's your comfort zone.. it provides stimulation. I wish you luck. Maybe a marriage counsellor. Maybe just a psychologist for yourself. Just don't wait to long. If things are as bad as you say (and if they are you don't even have 1 more year), he will cheat on you and divorce will be the only option, as you will never be able to trust him again (and you know you already have huge trust issues). Again, good luck. But you need more that luck. You need to take action, and soon.
2006-11-19 19:43:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter how wonderful he is, you need to do whats best for you and what makes you happy. a child always seeing on parent unhappy tends to make them unhappy too.
But the way from what you are saying your husband puts down your feelings like there nothing, so he's not so wonderful.
2006-11-19 18:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋