We have been married for 10 years and have 4 kids. I was gone for a year and when I returned, she has been acting cold and distant. Almost like punishing me for being gone. It's been years now and she's still behaving like this. The romance has been sucked out of our marriage and now we dont even make love anymore. Is she cheating?
2006-11-19 18:35:16 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to ask your WIFE
communication is the key to a succesful marriage or relationship
2006-11-19 18:38:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No one on here can answer the cheating part as we don't know her or what she has been doing.
However, during your deployment, she had 4 children to take care of along with house, work and bills I imagine. 1 child is a 24/hour job, I can't imagine 4 with other things for 1 year.
However, you have a 24/hour job with being in the military, plus your own home life.
I think maybe this all caught up to her and it is hard for her to adjust.
I do recommend marriage counseling before you throw in the towel.
My fiance is about to go for his second tour to Iraq at the end of March. Even though we have no doubts about eachother, it does become hard knowing each day can be his last and I am home left physically and verbally unattended by him for quite a long time. It does get to me, but not in the way your wife has become. However, it affects everyone almost same but our affections are abit different on how we handle it.
In the mean time while getting a counselor, send the kids to grandma or hire a sitter and take her out. Don't talk about the kids, don't talk about work or bills. Talk to eachother. If you two can't, then that is the first sign you two need to focus more on eachother than just stuff that in the end, can wait.
2006-11-19 19:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that is serious. alot of time has passed too for you both for ou to now only come to notice this. you needed to nip it in the butt back then but hey worth a shot.. you basically will have to take her back to basics. and this could be exciting for both of you don't look at it as a chore we were all young once and had butterflys .. try actually getting a baby sit for your kids and have a date night yes a date night you have to get back to what brought you to together you've been g0one a long time she had to learn to live on her own and take care of the kids and she's still doing it now and probably thinks this is all to marriage i can do this on my own and now the sex and love is gone. So you need to bring that bacck into the relationship she can do everything else as she has shown you when you were gone. what she doesn't have is your love and attention and all the nicey things you did when you were dating or telling her things. women still love that you know were never to old to hear those things. for you guys who are smart its a easy way into a womans heart say nice things and were putty in your hand heck what could be better be happy we like the foo foo stuff. but always mean it cause in time she will know if your pulling the wool over her eyes. try to remember how you felt way back when it was all new you need to bring that excitment back into your life for the two of you.. stir things up abit shock her she probably doesn't expect this from you..
You may want to just bring flowers home one day if thats not your style now.. you may want to write her a love note and leave it where she'll see it in the morning. or perhaps you call at work and leave a niec loving steamy message..
You can go to a movie together WITHOUT the kids this is your and her time .
You could rent a hotel for the night or even a few hours if you just want to get away. put things in the hotel room she like roses champaigne what ever you know what your wife wouldlike.
maybe even help her out around the house if you dont' have a maid she' probably will welcome the extra hands with the four kids. Show her and tell her she's pretty still to you after all these years have gone by. YOu can do this. your just in a rutt happens when your in a long term relationship all you have to remember is keep it fresh and spice it up. heck you take your car in for a tune up when it needs it right. you change your clothes for new ones. your relationship needs that kind of work too. have fun and enjoy you'll have better sex and love too from her guaranteed.
good luck
2006-11-19 19:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe there is a problem. Now why would you be gone on this time and when you finally are able to come back home she seems to not even care??? I would start asking questions and if you don't get answers then I would start asking around, look at phone bills and so on. Don't jump to any conclusions just yet!
Find your answers first. I don't think it because she's getting used to you being home at all. I think you deserve some answers and then you two need to find out where your relationship is going to go from there!!!
Best of luck to you and thank you so much for taking care of us over in Iraq. I hope that God is still watching over you and that he will help you with your marrage.
Thanks again so much.
ChristianAnn-Oklahoma
2006-11-19 20:11:13 · answer #4 · answered by Christian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my first husband left on a naval sea deployment for 6 months shortly after we were married, I grew up without him. Things were terribly different between us because we hadn't grown up together. It was hard to even be with him in a sexual manner because we could barely talk about non sexual things any more. Do you really think she is cheating or did cheat while you were away? Ask her about it. Maybe she did and she feels guilty about it and having sex with you would make her feel worse. Whatever the issue is . . . I wouldn't run out on it like I did. We didn't have kids, and we hadn't been married that long. Talk to each other about what's going on. Maybe she's got something else on her mind. Being alone for such a long time gives a woman a lot of time to think . . . and you know what that can lead to . . . .
2006-11-19 19:51:24 · answer #5 · answered by Jen RN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you know your wife better than we could. But this could be a sign of cheating, or displaced anger from you. You left wife behind (for her own good), she may have been the epitome' of estranged wife that went without sex for a year while awaitng the return of her husband. However, you you finally returned, her sex drive didn't. Women, and men too, if they go long enough, it is easier to say no, or even be celibate.
Again, you know your wife. We don't. I would confront her in a non- confrontational manner and then hire a dectective so that when you suspect her extra-curricular activities you have proof. They aren't as expensive as you might think.
2006-11-19 18:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a fellow military person... Im sorry to say this but it sounds like you're running- but hey, maybe thats the best thing for you. Its good money, being over there. If you need space maybe this will help you get some perspective. Hopefully other ppl who answer your question have an understanding of what marriages are like for military personnel- its just not the same as the civilian world. If you do go back- good luck to you :)
2016-03-29 02:19:53 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time and distance does have a way of putting things on hold. You may feel like strangers, but you need to rekindle what once was there. If she is having an affair, you just need to ask, then be understanding and talk it out. If you still love her there is always hope.
Take her out, do all the little things you used to do when you first met her. Sometimes rekindling the relationship does wonders. But you both have to want it. Sit her down and tell her how you feel, and be open...both of you.
2006-11-19 18:39:49 · answer #8 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't assume she is cheating. She has a ton of responsibility while you were gone (thanks for you service). She did a lot and it may be hard to share the responsibilities again. The military offers counseling sessions (the name slips me) for families struggling after deployment. Perhaps you can share some time alone,minus the kids. Take time to reconnect and revive the marriage. Show your appreciation for her sacrifice while you were soldering. Best Luck and prayers.
2006-11-19 18:41:48 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. Dorsey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doubtful,,,you left her a single parent for a year and she adjusted to there being no man in her life,,her and the kids,,you come back,,"hello honey" and basically get right up her nose and under her feet,,she has then lost all routine,habits,,peace and quiet when the kids are in bed and you want to resume relations with her.the trouble with this is as it has gone on it has become habit forming,,she hasnt readjusted to your being back and you may have to start dating all over again,,try it,,talk to her,listen to her and let her know whatever she says,,if honest,,you can accept,,then you may be able to move on.
2006-11-19 21:03:52 · answer #10 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mariage is such an illusion,like most relationships in this world!Most people pretend to be happy,or they have other affairs outside of wedlock.Try searching for real happiness through spiritual life,and donot hanker any more for material relationships.You'll be happier!
She was probably with someone else while you were risking your life!
2006-11-19 18:59:52 · answer #11 · answered by vedicway 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋