Bad news (ignore the question mark)?

Question

I told my family about my wanting to be a girl last night. Everyone promised not to tell my dad, but someone did. My mom told him because she said she couldn't talk to him if she didn't get that out. She kept saying sorry, but she doesn't know how badly my life is ruined. What am I supposed to do?! I feel like running away from home, but I can't do that again. I want to see a therapist but I have to set up an appointment, and i don't know where to find a gender therapist in my area. My brother david told my dad that I simply wanted to stay young and I was getting mixed up (to defend me) and my dad bought it. I just stayed in my room the whole day yesterday so I wouldn't have to deal with my dad. He knocked on the door and said he didn't care, but I was out of my comfort zone. What am I supposed to do? My own mom who I trusted the most betrayed me, and she says she likes me the way I am and doesn't ant me to change. I want to change SO BADLY, but no one knows that but me.

My dad is a very masculine person. He wanted me to marry a girl and everything.

Answer 1

Sorry! You live in their house, you live by their rules! Wait until you are old enough to make your own Life decisions!

Answer 2

While you stated a lot of things about the bad situation you really haven't stated why you want to be a girl. You also haven't stated your age which is helpful to understand if you're being realistic at this point in your life.

I think he have to give your family some credit here. Some parents certainly would've acted much more vicious. Putting aside the embarrassment for a moment your dad knocked all on you or the door and said “he didn't care”. My dad probably would've knocked down the door and kick my ***.

Of course your mom doesn't want to see you change…. how would you feel if she started wearing overalls, smoke a cigar and grabbed her crotch all the time. If you get a strong visual here they might have some understanding of where your mom is.

You also mentioned not running away again…. yeah that would be a bad idea. You need to concentrate on taking everything slowly. Think through this a lot. Do a lot of research out there.. there's ton on the Web.

There are men and women that switch genders. This could be simply because of a hormone imbalance that never has been corrected. Some people are born as a hermaphrodite goes having both sexes. Unfortunately or fortunately parents must make a decision as to what gender the child is going to be. Surgically the doctors try to correct the problem. But they only have a 50-50 chance of getting it right. After puberty hormones will decide who's really in charge. Now I'm in no way saying this is what happened to you but this has certainly happened to some people.

This could be just be a hormone thing and has nothing to do with any situation at birth. Did secondary male characteristics set in after puberty, lowering of the voice, face hair, etc…? if none of these things happen than definitely a blood test identifying hormone levels and genetics to show certain markers for male-female will deftly help you define what's going on.

At this point slow way down… do not get depressed…. your whole life is ahead of you whatever gender it may be. Keep in mind of a simple statistic if you live to be a hundred years old you probably only spend 19% of your life with your parents. That leaves 81% to be what you want to be. Cherished this time… your parents are only trying to protect you.


Mark
Author GirlsTellAll
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Everyone ask - (the girl in the photo behind me IS the model on the book cover)

Answer 3

Now how do you keep something like that from your Dad? Your mom needed to share this news with him - after all, they are the people who gave you life in the first place.

You have had a lifetime to reconcile this issue for yourself. Your family has just been told the news - give them some time to digest it all. After all, the person they know and love is going away - he will no longer exists after your gender change.

You must be true to yourself. You must go and see a therapist posthaste. Do not let anyone talk you out of this core issue for you. Seek the advice of a professional - make sure this is what you and only you want to do - then go and do it.

No one in your family can appreciate what you are going through right now - they are looking at their own feelings. You need to be strong and get going on your journey.

Answer 4

It sounds like you aren't giving him a chance even if he is trying to be accepting. You're going to have to deal with him for another 4 years. It would be in your best interest to have him on your side rather than pushing him away. Every father has certain expectations for their offspring. It's normal. Sometimes that dreams just don't come true. It may take him a while to work through this, but treating him as if he's a horrible person that doesn't care about you isn't going help the situation any.
As far as your mom goes, she's your dad's wife. Relationships, including theirs, takes open, honest communication. She was in a very tough position there.

Answer 5

This is a tricky situation.
Are you 100% sure you do want a gender change? It is a very big step to take and a hell of a lot of thought must be given to it. I would say definitely visit a gender therapist like you mention in your question. Ask your general practioner or family doctor for contact details.

If you do really undergo a gendar change, you will have to tell your dad the complete truth sometime - you cannot run away your whole life. The fact that he came to your room himself shows that he cares for you. I think your family was right to tell him. That way he can come to terms with it quickly. It would be a big blow for any man to find out that his son wants a gendar change but you must do what is right for you. Looking out for yourself should be your number one priority.

You must sit down with you whole close family (dad included) and explain your reasons. They will come to terms with it eventually. You can explain that you would be happier if you do what you want to do.

Again though, make sure it is what you want, cause once it's snipped off, you cannot bring it back :-)

Good luck, hope it goes well.

Answer 6

You sound in pain. I noticed that you have run away from home before. Please seek out a therapist to discuss all the things that are of concern to you! It is not necessary to have a gender therapist at this point because there are other issues that need to be resolved and you need a "safe space" that can be provided by a therapist. I hope you find peace.

Answer 7

you are absolutely right. He is crazy and he will start stalking you. You tried to be just friends, but he saw it as an opportunity to become more than friends. He thought he had you as his real girlfriend. But in my opinion you are probably too good for him. He has personal issues, and he needs to see a psychologist, this is the only way he can get better. Good luck. And most of all stay away from him. Because you do not know what he is capable of doing. He might rape you, or even worse, kill you.

Answer 8

Watch the movie Kinky Boots. Who cares what anyone else thinks. There will always be people who want you to change and who don't want you to change. You have to do what makes you happy.

Answer 9

I WAS born a woman. MY brother was born a man. WE both love what the good LORD made,and that he made us just like we were. I wish you well. BUT i dont under stand your thinking. BUT do what makes you happy. LOOKS like your mothers opinions dont count any way. ONE more thing. LIFE of a woman is tuff.

Answer 10

ALLIE, I'M SO SORRY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, MAYBE YOU CAN FIND A WEBSITE, THAT YOU CAN TALK TO PEOPLE THAT WANTS TO CHANGE THEIR GENDER, NOT THIS WEBSITE !!!!!! TRY GOOGLE LIKE TYPE IN GENDER CHANGE, JUST KEEP LOOKING ON THE WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE TO TALK TO, GOOD LUCK !!!!!