Are any of you gay men scared of ending up old and lonely bc you're not exactly "hot?"?

Question

I am sometimes scared that I will end up a lonely old pathetic guy and that I will never find true love. Although I wouldn't consider myself ugly, I am not a supermodel either, and I feel like most gay men are only willing to date you if you're hot. I was in a really nice, swanky gay bar last night and all they guys were gorgeous...every single one...and I was angry that they all seemed so shallow, but I was also sad that I would never fit in. I have these strange feelings often...so many gay men focus solely on appearance, yet I understand why physical hotness is really attractive. I don't know..does anyone else feel like if they're not gorgeous, your options are really limited?

Answer 1

I am a heterosexual women that can say al people worry about the same thing. Playboy had wanted my Mother to pose for them and my father said no. A few years later the divorced. She is still beautiful, but has low self esteem and worries the same way you do.

Answer 2

Hey holajunkie1,

I totally feel your pain. Most of the gays guys I meet are very shallow and base everything on looks alone. I can tell you from experience that blackbird hit the nail right on the head. He gave you an honest answer. It might have been harsh, but it's the truth.
I think that's one of the main reasons that there's so many gay guys in the closet livin the straight life with a wife and two kids.
I'm not a model, but the good looks wagon didn't pass me up and
the reason I can't get a date now, is mainly because I'm 20 pounds over weight and some of the pretencious fags have pretty much told me that. They labeled me as a "chub". I think that's a term that shallow gay guys have came up with for people that don't have a six pack. So, If I don't get out to the gym and work my a** off, I'll probably be single for a long time. I think us "normal" guys should come up with a web site of our own *lol*
But, hang in there, and don't turn to Tina like alot of guys have.

Answer 3

Listen very carefully to what I am about to say, and it will be lengthy.
I am one of those 'old men' you are talking about, and I have NEVER been alone in my life...when one lover leaves, another is here within litereally a day or two..you are as alone as you choose to be. !! I am not ugly, but I have never been an adonis either. And all my lovers have been hot as hell! It is up to you, not them. You can get whatever you want from life, you just have to know how to do it. You use what you have to get what you want. You do not have to reinvent the wheel here. Just look around, you will find some of the ugliest guys with the hottest babes! Why? Money? NO. People love people with confidence...the more, the better. I will bet you a dollar to a doughnut that most of those "hot" guys went home alone in the bar because NO ONE asked them to go home with them! Men are terribly afraid of a little tiny word, "No." How stupid, what a waste. Be confident, ask. The world goes to the takers, not the shy guys who are waiting to be asked..supermodel or no, the deal is the same. If no one asks us, we don't go home. So be the asker, not the askee! Have the balls to ask, and have the balls to get a "no" here and there...so what, no one ever died from a 'no.' It is not humiliating to get a "no." It is the breaks...ask enough and you will hit pay dirt. Looks disappear when a guy gets to know you...you could well be the best catch around, but they do not know it until they meet you, know you, and fall for you. I expect that everyone I date will fall in love with me...and guess what, they do! So get up off your butt, look into the mirror, become the asker, the taker, and your life will change dramatically. There is a world of beauties out there who are dying of lonliness...save them! It is your job in life to save them, period.

Answer 4

boy do i ever! you are right about gay men, we do seem to put to much stock into what our next conquest or love looks like. we never take the chancs to get to know someone who is average or below average in looks. i am no prince charming and do not fit in with the average gay bar seen. i buy my clothes at walmart because i can't stand the thought of buying a shirt for $60.00 when i can go there and get one for $15.00, i shop at retail stores and thrift stores and yard sales. i don't live in a swanky house or loft. i am just average and that does not seem to be enough for gay men. maybe it all has to do with where we go to hang out. i think if we were to go somewhere besides a gay bar we might meet other average gay men like ourselves and mayber find someone. i did try going to a coffee house when i lived in st. louis and i met some very nice people but the only one that seemed interested in me was a guy that had a thing for feet of young boys. that is all he would talk about. i threw him out of the house and told the cops his name and desciption and gave his license plate no so they could check him out. what a freak. but i do get scared that i will end up lonely and old. it has been a long time since i have been in a serious relationship with anyone. i just moved to the denver area and i think i will give the coffee houses here a shot. the best thing to do is get a good book and go there so it does not look like you are there to scope out men or to go with friends. the less available you look the more tantalizing you become. or i may start going to the MCC. (metropolitan community church). in large areas there is always a large gay congregation and they don't preach against homosexuality. they only teach you that god loves all his children. hopefully my venting has answered your question and helped you and others out there.

Answer 5

I'm not hot but I've never had problems attracting either sex. You just have to appeal to people, I think people like me because I'm just affectionate toward just about everybody. If people find you interesting then they are likely to be interested.

Now ugly people have more problems because of shallow people, but even they can overcome them if they try hard enough. If someone is that shallow then you don't need them anyway. There are still a good supply of non-shallow people out there, you just need a lot of persistence and a little bit of luck.

Answer 6

No your options are not really limited...there are a lot of people out there who feel exactly as you do...not everybody stays young and gorgeous..and believe it or not you reach an age when looks really don't count that much....Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places.

Answer 7

Starred

Answer 8

Instead of "fitting in", I suggest you find your place in this world. Find good friends to be with instead of trying to be who you are not. Family support is also important. I don't know in your culture but in the Philippines, family ties are strong. It is not strange to see children living with their parents or even grand parents in one house or sometimes in the same neighborhood. Most of all, do something about your life. Do not waste all your time in bars and one night stands. Contribute to the community. Do you share, let people know who you are and what you are capable of.

http://www.freewebs.com/discreetbai

Answer 9

You got that right !!!!!!

Of course it's scary. gay scene is always about youthful beauty, physique, a big dick, and snazzy clothes. It's all shallow & superficial. and ordinary looking doesn't really do it anymore. you have to be super -extraordinary looking in their eyes.

In the gay culture, you have to have everything P-E-R-F-E-C-T, ABSOLUTELY PERFECT - or else you can't fit in and play the game. Your physique must be flawless, your dick must be big, with no erection problems, you must dress nifty, and you must be seen as a SPARKLING, CHARMING ATTRACTION ON DISPLAY.

and this is not LATEBREAKING NEWS, Sweetie.

it has always been so - and is the undeniable truth!!!!

this is the nature of the gay mindset. and it will never change.
And if anyone says that it's not all about looks, or that it's about personality - I say they're a f-u-c-k-i-n-g LIAR !!!!! it's all about looks, looks, looks, looks, looks, and more looks.

that's why f-a-g-s often become alcoholics or druggies, out of sheer despondency & desperation over their fate in life.

Now are we clear about this matter????????????

Answer 10

LOLOL i used to worry, but i have a good life, great friends, and even if i never find a man I'm whole without one. stop trying so hard, find things you enjoy and make yourself happy, that's whats important all the rest is peripheral