I find myself physically attracted to men by the way they look and if they have a good personality. I've never had a real boyfriend (I am 22) and I want to have that experience. The problem is I also find myself attracted to women. I am extremely attracted to my best friend. We are together alot and I love spending time with her. She has a boyfriend but when we are together she will do things like lean against me, put her feet over mine, and rub my back and head, and vise versa. But she also has sex with her boyfriend and loves to be with him. Whenever she does anything mentioned above I get all tingly. If I am around a guy I think is attractive I do get nervous and hope to kiss or cuddle, but don't feel the intense feelings I have for her!! We made out once when we were drunk (she does to other girls to) and I loved it! I find myself looking at other women, but I can't imagine myself having sex with them.
Am I gay or bi? And is my best friend the same way??
Thank you!
2006-11-19 17:38:29 · 9 answers · asked by Loomigan66 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
What your friend is I have no idea, but you seem to definitely be bisexual. Then again only you can decide for sure what you are. The reason your feeling are intense with your friend is probably because she is your friend, not because she is a woman.
As to why you can't imagine sex with another woman, well it might just be because you aren't used to the idea. You might want to experiment with the whole lesbian sex thing, at first I couldn't imagine having sex with a guy but that was because it was just to foreign to comprehend. A little gay porn and I had NO problem fantasizing about other men. I still do it quite often.
If your friend has a boyfriend than I wouldn't advise making a move on her though, regardless of her sexuality, at least until she is single.
2006-11-19 17:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by Rageling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can define your own sexuality, but you definitely sound like you are bi-curious. If you don't get the tingly feeling for men, though, you might not have much real attraction for them.
Your best friend, I'm not so sure. She could just be a "Liquid Lesbian", which many of us bisexual women, and most Lesbians, cannot stand. She does sound like an LL, if she makes out with other women while drunk.
If you really want to know, get up the courage to ask her how she feels when she makes out with other women. Tell her you're asking, as a friend, and tell her that it won't change your opinion of her. She might be getting that tingly feeling too, and is just afraid to talk about it, because she might think that you will not want to be her friend anymore if you found out.
You'll never know about how you feel until you try. Go out to a Gay or Lesbian bar. If you're attending college, go to a meeting of the GLBT club, if there is one. Give it a shot. You might find out you like it a lot.
2006-11-19 17:56:16 · answer #2 · answered by k_shya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it will take more time to really define yourself as gay or bi, particularly since you haven't had experiences with guys, or with women (I assume) beyond your best friend. At the same time, it's important to note that you do feel like your feelings are more intense with your friend than with guys you're around. So is the fact that you react physically to your friend and look at other women. I'm lesbian, and I'm 20. I realized that I was because I looked at women too, and I had much more intense relationships with my friends who were girls. I've never had a boyfriend. While I sometimes imagined kissing a guy before I "came out," I never found the thought of having sex attractive. I consider myself lesbian (v. bi) because I don't find myself attracted to guys at all sexually or emotionally now, and I often have fantasies about women. And (not to go TMI on you) I've only been able to orgasm since I've come out as a lesbian.
But sexual orientation is more like a spectrum, with totally straight on one end and totally, totally gay/lesbian on the other. I'm pretty far over to the lesbian end, and a lot of women who consider themselves lesbians are closer to the middle. The physical things you're doing with your friend (rubbing her back, etc.) would all be considered "normal" (except for the making out) between two straight women (just for your info). I wouldn't automatically say "well, you're not gay" just because you can't imagine having sex with women you see around town or whatever: lesbian relationships are different from straight ones or male gay ones. I look at women, but I don't often imagine myself actually having sex with any women. I'm more likely to think about the emotional aspect or a less intimate physical scenario (kissing, for instance). I think that's more true of lesbians than of gays, because women often want an emotional relationship (like you have with your friend) before such an intimate physical one.
So anyway, I'd give yourself time--there's no need to rush! I know that it can feel that way, like it's important to pick a label now. If you do, then pick one for today. You can change it tomorrow if you want! After more self-searching and discovery, you'll find a place for yourself that feels right. As for your friend, she's probably bi to some extent if she makes out with women on a regular basis.
2006-11-19 18:14:50 · answer #3 · answered by kacey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does indeed sound like he's trying to cover up his sexuality. I used to pretend to like various girls when I was denying myself a few years ago. I did the exact same thing he's doing. I told my parents there were some girls that interested me, when in actuality I was looking online 24/7 at gay porn lol. He is probably in denial or something. Time will tell.
2016-03-19 11:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your bestfriend might be bisexual. I suggest you talk to your bestfriend about this. Maybe she has some insights that she can share with you. Maybe you guys can experiment on your sexualities together as well. Best of luck!
2006-11-19 17:58:40 · answer #5 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you define your sexuality. It's all up to you.
2006-11-19 17:47:49 · answer #6 · answered by Ida 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are bi on your way to be gay. straight men don't feel anything tingly about another man. once you get over your fear and approach a man you won't look back.
2006-11-19 18:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by westbankthrilla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like both of you are experimenting with bisexuality
2006-11-19 18:07:12 · answer #8 · answered by lira 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both have the capacity for both. You will decide what you are, eventually.
2006-11-19 17:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by splatterchew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋