I met a guy.I gave him my number. Everything seemed perfect until he told me he was married.he was honest with me from the beginning.I totally turned him down and told him I don't get down like that.he said he only wanted to be friends since we worked at the same place.I'm not stupid and left it at that.I told him that if he was expecting more than a friendship he was wasting time.time went on,I slowly fell in love w him.One thing led to another and we had sex.I wasn't the psycho type.I would never tell him to leave his family ever,but now this affair has gone on for almost two years.I moved away bout 1 yr ago but we still stay in touch and when I go home we see each other not sexually all the time.I have a boyfriend, but I can truly say I love the other one.He always said if he ever cheated it would have to be w/ someone better than her (me)he has told me he loves me,but he loves his son 2 much (understood).This is just 2 long to have been only 4 sex. Men, what does he really feel?
2006-11-19 17:34:11 · 19 answers · asked by anonymouslover 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh another thing, it has been more of an emotional relationship than a sexual one. I was single when I met him, when I left town I had a boyfriend, but I was not sleeping with him when I was with my boyfriend,we still talked because we could talk to each other about everything.When we would see each other say at a club,we would hang around together but nothing sexual.The only time it was sexual was at the beginning. And I did stop talking to him but he would call my cousin and ask her about me and that he wanted me to call. when i would call he just said that he missed me and wanted to talk. This is why I say I'm confused.I know that any man will take the sex.I know that they want to have their cake and eat it to, I understand this, what I don't understand is why if it hasn't been sexual for a while why he says he misses me and he loves me and that I will be a great wife and mother.I don't understand.I may not want to accept it, but I do want to understand it.Some say that she cheats 2
2006-11-19 18:22:18 · update #1
Don't be a family breaker.
Don't shop for answers until you get the one you want.
If he is willing to cheat on his wife now, what on earth leads you to believe he will not do it again. He basically promised her when he married her he would not cheat, so what is his promise worth?
The grass is always greener on the other side, what an old cliche.
And according to you he is willing to cheat again!!!
QUOTE
He always said if he ever cheated it would have to be w/ someone better than her (me)
END QUOTE
He is a user, and I am not sure what you are looking for in here. I will have to say you are more than gullible, you are over accommodating.
2006-11-19 17:37:21 · answer #1 · answered by gare 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has the same drive and desires as any other man, married or not. The way he feels about you right now is probably the same way he felt about his wife when they were first dating. It will also be the same way he feels about the next woman he cheats with, and the next, and so forth. If he cheats on his wife now, he will also cheat on you if you two ever get together.
Don't worry about what either of you feel, because feelings are fickle and change over time. Worry about what is right! It doesn't matter if you have what Hollywood calls "true love" or not. Marriage is a life-time commitment - "till death do you part". He made that commitment to another woman, not you. If you truly love him, help him keep his family and marriage together by leaving him. Sure, he may just find another affair down the road, but at least you have no part in it.
One of the biggest lies out there these days is the phrase "be true to yourself". Ted Bundey was true to his inner desires, raping and murdering over 20 women. Boyfriends are true to themselves when they impregnate their girlfriends and then leave them without taking responsibility. Our society says "do whatever you feel in your heart" instead of "do what is right". Our hearts are so misguided. Don't trust your feelings.
It might feel like a good thing, you and him, but in the end it only leads to misery. Misery not just for you two, but his family, extended family, close friends, etc. Your actions don't just affect you! Think about the good of others, not just yourself. Break it off permanently and tell him to get marriage counseling. That's my advice...
2006-11-19 18:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by jameshand 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a male point of view. I would say he might have feelings for you but they will never be stong enough to pull him away from his wife and family. Most men . not all mind you.. as long as he can have both will continue to due so. And if he has cheated with you how do you know he is not cheating on both you and wife with someone else also?. Not just men but women too feel a need to be loved. I would say set your mind to the fact he will never leave her and decide if it is worth the time and effert. And also what about your boyfriend now where does he fit into the scene? the addition you added about her cheating 2 is not important because what is good for the gander is not always good for the goose.
2006-11-19 18:26:22 · answer #3 · answered by Bubba402001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He feels like his self-worth is enhanced when he is accepted by another woman. Recognize that his intent was to get in your pants from the beginning...no such thing as just friends in this situation. He enjoys having his cake and eat it too. Is it possible to be married to one woman that you care for, yet also feel lust for another woman at the same time? Yes, but these are all selfish feelings...lust for you, obligation to his son and not wanting to rock the boat in his married life. Sure, he may have some genuine feelings for you, but minus the sex, would you really remain friends in the long term? If so, maybe only because of the hope of having sex again one day. I enjoyed your line 'If he cheated it would have to with someone better than her (me)'. Are any of us really better than anyone else? No, just different and you give him the strange he wants. He says he loves you, yet loves his son more, so his love is conditional then. isn't it? Bottom-line, all of this is a crock to keep you on an emotional string. I suggest you had a great time, it was good for what it was, but it's past. Time to let it go so you can move forward and enjoy you life for what it can be in the future.
2006-11-19 18:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by seattlego 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a man, so I'll give you an honest man's perspective, although I'm sure you don't want to hear it.
Here's what's wrong with your thinking:
Men do NOT let "how they feel" rule their lives. They may stumble a bit on it, sure, but they do not consider feelings to be end all of everything. Feelings lead us astray often, so they're not to be trusted, and they are not to be what we use to make important dicisions by. (this is how us men feel, like it or not).
He has looked at his responsibilities in life (his marriage, his son), and clearly decided that is what's most important to him, not you.
Yes, he screwed up and had an affair (as did you), but it's completely irrelevant what he feels, so stop trying to figure that out.
Women cause themselves so much trouble by failing to simply listen to what words are actually coming from a guy's mouth, and trying to figure out "what he's feeling".
It doesn't matter what he feels. Only women let their feelings rule their lives.
He obviously doesn't want it to go any further, so believe him when he says that, and just let the whole thing go away.
Sorry to be harsh, but it's just the way it really is.
2006-11-19 17:53:32 · answer #5 · answered by dork 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the man needs to leave his wife plain and simple he is headed for a bad time he will lose his son and regret his choice when the wife wants revenge its only fun because he has not been caught he will never truly love you cause the woman he goes home to every night he tells her he loves her if he cheats on her he will cheat on you and you should not have a boyfriend in this instance and you need to stop all contact because no matter what the situation is you will look like a tramp
2006-11-19 19:27:21 · answer #6 · answered by smurf_shady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated his wife with you and probably has not told his wife which means he is lying. How do you know that he is telling you the truth now? He could be lying to you just to have sex with you again and again.
You also said that you have a different boyfriend now does he know about your affair with the married man?
2006-11-19 17:45:30 · answer #7 · answered by Michael M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wanted sex from the beginning. Good sex will make a person make a lot of bad decisions. You already know it's just sex so if you are hurt by this don't blaim him. He love his wife and he love having his cake and eating it to. And as long as you continue to give it up he'll put up with the bull just to get the nut.
2006-11-19 17:42:54 · answer #8 · answered by westbankthrilla 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Generally speaking for men sex means much more than 'love'.
Otherwise why do they find it so difficult to say 'I love you' with true honesty, to their wives. Between a husband and wife, sex is taken for granted and therefore there is no need to express 'love'
Men are polygamous in nature and women are monogamous.
It is better to concentrate on a relationship which can be fulfilling in future. A relationship with 'no future' is a waste of time.
2006-11-19 17:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by astrospeech@gmail.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may have some feelings for you but he will never leave the wife. why would he? in his mind he has the perfect thing going. he has his wife and son and he has a girl on the side. who will have sex with him with basically no strings attached. and even if he did leave his wife and was with you, how do you know he wouldn't do the same thing to you. so you would be with home while hes out with another girl that he sees sometimes for sex.
2006-11-19 17:40:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋