A few years ago my husband had an affair with my then best friend. I recently went out of town for the weekend and when I got back my husband said he wanted to let me know that she had called him because she said she was having a bad day. I find that a little hard to believe that after all this time she would feel comfortable enough to call and talk to him. I feel like maybe he isn't telling me everything. Am I being paranoid or am I justified in my feelings?
2006-11-19 16:19:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i would take him at what he said he could have hid this from you he probably new how upset you were the first time and swore he'd be upfront with you and thats exactly what he's doing now.. if you go in there biting his head off he'll say **** i can't please this woman either way she thinks i've done it even though i haven't so i might as well do it..
Ask him more about this woman and why all this time has passed did she comme to him at the exact moment you happen to be out of town. You have to probe him more before you can make a decison. you will know in his answers. but for now your just doing some investigating work yourself. dont' jump down his throat till you have all your evidence
2006-11-19 20:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are justified in your feeling, when a man cheats most likely they will cheat again and there are signs if you watch closely. Perhaps, you might not be over what your husband and your ex- best- friend did to you and you think they have something to hide again. When someone betrays you its hard to get that trust back and the UN easy feeling is still there no matter what they do or say. He didn't have to tell you that she called him, but, he did that has to count for something. I know how you feel, after everything she has done to you and now she has the nerves to call your husband, you should talk to him about this and how you feel and that you are uncomfortable with him talking to her and if he doesn't respect your feelings and continue to talk to her or whatever, you should leave him, you don't need a man that you can't trust or who doesn't respect you and a so-called friend that would do that to you.
2006-11-19 16:50:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are a lot stronger of a woman then me, If I had found out my husband was sleeping with my best friend. They neither one would still be alive to even talk about it. I love my husband dont get me wrong, but I grew up in a house where that's all i saw from my parents and I will not stand for it. I know every situation is different, but I would have left a long time ago. I would have drained everything he had, house, cars, money..whatever. That's just me. To your question, yes I would be concerned about her calling again!! What kind of crap is that. Can she not get her own man or what? Obviously she is nothing more then a home-wrecker. I would ask, all he can do is say nothing happened. If he as been honest so far, then..you can go from there. I just dont see where the trust is after a man degrades you with your best friend. I really dont mean to sound rude, excuse me if I do. I just dont see any justification from his part. One last thing, if you suspect he is doing it again. Hire a Private Investigator. This way you know for sure. Best of luck to you!
2006-11-19 16:30:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, based on past history your feelings are justified. He did this for a well calculated reason. He is feeling a need to manipulate the situation somehow to avoid sudden discovery. There is no such thing as a coincidence in this case. Your gut is right on target. Question now is...what are you going to do about it? If I were you, I might be compelled to find out by laying low, yet plan another weekend out of town, but this time, don't really go. Instead, leave the house, but remain close by. Rent a car, watch and follow. Take some pics...then look at him lie to your face, upon your theoretical return. His expression when he sees the pics should be priceless.
2006-11-19 18:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by seattlego 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The woman felt comfortable enough to have an affair with your husband so i do not know .Why you would feel she would not feel comfortable calling your home to talk to your husband?Apparently the woman has no morales.I take it that she does not normally call your home to cry on your husband's shoulder.When you are home because she might not feel comfortable with you answering the phone.so I would wonder.How she knew you wouldn't be the one answering the phone the day she called to cry on your husband's shoulder about her bad day?Maybe your husband is innocent,She is trying to break the two of you up so that she can have him for herself.If he was trying to hide it .Why would he tell you about it? If he is seeing her then let her have him because marriage is a sacred bond that should be honored don't you think?
2006-11-19 17:10:42 · answer #5 · answered by noga 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is back and gonna try and start some trouble. I would nip this in the bud right now, I mean if she is calling again, she really is being disrespectful to you and your home. I would call her and politley ask her to leave YOUR HUSBAND ALONE, since she has already has crossed the line with him once, she will do it again and you need to let her understand that you are not going to allow that to happen again. You then need to make it clear to your husband that he needs to not talk to her either, I mean he CROSSED that same line and should not be trusted no matter what he tells you. So put your foot down and stand up for your relationship and family and get this bit*h out of your lives. If your husband insists on talking to her and makes it sound like you are paranoid then remind him why you feel the way you do and if he wants to keep talking to her then tell him you are going to leave him. See what his reaction is, and keep a close eye on him men like to try and be sneaky.
2006-11-19 16:46:08 · answer #6 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely justified. She has no right having contact for any reason whatsoever. She is the sorriest so called bestfriend I have ever heard about. honey, there is no coincidence that she just so happened to call while you were out of town. Something is going on. My theory is that he told you that in case you found out somehow that he talked to her to cover his tracks. I would personally investigate further and whatever you do-- DO NOT GIVE HIM A 3RD CHANCE!
2006-11-19 18:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by krystal s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
woow, I admire that you have the heart to still be married to him. I would have divorced him THEN clipped his balls and hung 'em to dry!! I think paranoya is very stressful and will not help health wise. If he will not concede, and you feel like something is not right then I would ask myself if he is even worth it. He knows what he did was wrong (I'm assuming he does) so WHY would he shrugg off the fact that she called and simply labeled the incident as her having a bad day? That spells out NO respect for you. BOTH of them don't have respect for you. You have every right to find out what the hell is going on in his head and where your marriage stands. Marriage is nothing if there isn't communication and above all respect! Good luck to you sis!
2006-11-19 16:40:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, considering the past you are not being paranoid at all. Tell you husband your glad he told you but you don't want them speaking to each other. Talk to your ex best friend and suss her out as well. If its going to work with your husband then she needs to be right out of the picture. I'd make this a requirement and let him know you expect this.
2006-11-19 16:23:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
no u are justified in ur feelings... why didnt she call him wen u were there, why did she only call wen u went away, why did he even take her call wen he has a past with her and wen he knows how much it wud hurt u if he spoke to her....ask all of these questions to ur husband.. tell him nicely that there is more to the story and get him to spit it out....
2006-11-19 16:24:22 · answer #10 · answered by beautysexychick 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋