O.k My husband has two children from a previous marriage and they live in Santa Maria CA. and we live in Charleston SC. He only gets to see his kids in the summer right now but he always pays child support...Well thats really beside the point...We do not know how to handle christmas......I guess in Ca. kids are out of school a good chunk of Dec. His ex wife is wanting us to pay for the YMCA after school care and two weeks of full day care for two kids plus send christmas.....We can not afford that.... I guess I am looking for the best compromise that will not make my husband be the total bad guy. I thought maybe send some gifts but not as much as we could if we did not pay fot the YMCA and then pay for the after school care.... Then his ex wife could buy the kids gifts also if she chooses and the kids can either stay home alone( they are old enough) or she will need to pay for the YMCA. We just paid for the YMCA for Nov.any suggestions and compromise ideas would be appreciated. Thanks
2006-11-19 15:58:24 · 7 answers · asked by bambam0229 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your husband already pays child support then he has already paid for their care- he does not need to go above and beyond that unless he wants to. As far as Christmas gifts, he can send them what he feels would be appropriate, just make sure that he keeps all of his receipts. If your husband is in any type of arrears with the state for child support, then any money he wants to send her he should send it directly to the state in which the child support was ordered or gets distributed through. (so he gets credit for it)
He cannot look like the bad guy at this point. he cares enough about his children that he pays child support, and sends what he can. If she wants above and beyond that, either she needs to bring him back to court or change their care schedule. it is not up to him unless by choice, to provide more than what the court mandated him.
Send the kids their gifts and politely remind the ex that the support he sends every month should cover a fair portion or the child care.
Also, maybe she should check into cheaper alternatives- if she used the Boys and Girls club (all across the country), then she would only have to pay about 10-20 bucks per child for the whole school year. They are open up after school, and during the breaks, usually all day from like 10-6.
2006-11-19 16:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a divorced father of 3 and I pay support for 2 while one lives with me and I get zero support for the one with me. My child support is court ordered and I tell my ex that she has to make due with what I give her. If anything comes up that she asks me to pay I tell her no. On the other hand, I do as much as I can for all 3 kids as far as gifts and other things. I also pay 2/3 of all unpaid medical. I did have custody of 2 and at this point she owes me almost 3k for past 1/3 of her responsibility for unpaid medical(mostly braces) and yet she asks me to pay for other things all the time. I am not the bad guy but my kids sometimes see it that way. I know someday they will probably understand all I have tried to do for them. As long as the kids' father keeps up his relationship with the kids it will turn out okay but it will not be easy until they are older and understand. In my opinion, the court ordered support is enough, especially since my ex is remarried, has a nice house, pool, 4 vehicles to drive, and yearly vacations. I have none of the above and yet she still asks me to pay more and I still deal with being the bad guy for now. Hang in there and just do what you can do, the ex needs to find other means than breaking your bank all the time.
2006-11-19 16:17:45 · answer #2 · answered by questioningly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that your husband has to look after his first family first! Whatever money or time it takes, that is his responsibility, regardless if the two of you have only two nickels left to rub together. You had to have known this when you married him, of all the consequences that would come as a result of his previous marriage. So buck up, support him, and help him support his kids. He made the choice to not be their daily in his kids' lives, and that is not the best. The very least he can do is provide for them.
2006-11-19 23:05:59 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You husband and his ex need to do the same thing my daughter and her ex do, He shouldn't have to pay for all the day care, it should be split down the middle. Odds are that's what the courts would do. Why should he have to pay for all of it that's just not fair. Regardless you shouldn't go all out on Christmas anyway. We have allowed it to become way to commercial. He shouldn't do any more than he would if they lived with him.
2006-11-19 16:13:01 · answer #4 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you,,,I would just send the actual christmas gifts, and tell her that the child support she get is for the children and should be used for that before anything else
and not be considered as her monthly income.
I think that if your husband is already up to date on the child support...its her responsibility
2006-11-19 16:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by sandi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do the court papers say about him paying for child care?
2006-11-19 18:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL JUST DO WHAT U HAVE TO DO BYE....
2006-11-19 16:06:33 · answer #7 · answered by stevenson r 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋