My fiance & I have alot in common but there are somthings that bother me. I have talked to him about it but at the end he always has a reason behind his ideas & I feel like I misunderstood by asking him those questions. He tells me every single day that how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, he will treat me like a princes & take care of me, he will make up for all the hardship I went through with my own relatives & above all he is jenuine. I love him to death. Right now he lives with his parents & has a checking acct with them. After we get married all his mail is going to continue to go to his folks house for awhile. He will open a new acct for us but won't add my name on it for 1 year because I am a victim of Id theft. I would have to hand over my paycheck to him & add his name on my CD acct & mutual funds. He said he will add my name to his roth IRA after we get married but now he has his moms name. He wants to take his parents houseware for us & buy them a new houseware.
2006-11-19 15:33:07 · 15 answers · asked by Hot C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I hope you've been able to sort out your ID theft, that must be a terrifying thing to go through! Best wishes with that.
Well, regarding what you should do, how do you feel about him being in charge of so much? I'm sure that you can trust him or you wouldn't be marrying him, women have amazing instincts like that, but are you at all concerned that you won't have your finances in your name? If it feels at all unsettling to you, go with your gut, you've been victimized and it makes all the sense in the world for you to be a little apprehensive. And if he does indeed intend to treat you like a princess, part of that will be respecting your choices in such sensitive matters.
I'm wondering why you need to add his name to your CD and mutuals though? Those are yours to do with as you please. Have you considered discussing these suggestions of his with a banker? Chances are you can get enough information to be certain that you are protected no matter what happens.
As for the houseware, don't worry too much about that. Maybe he just wants to do something nice for them after they've done so much for him.
Congratulations on the upcoming marriage and best wishes, I hope you can get this all straightened out to a point where you're comfortable.
2006-11-19 15:43:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
He might just be being cautious because of the identity theft, but I'm a little concerned about the other financial conditions. See a lawyer (privately) or even an accountant, to see if what he's doing is reason for concern. I would refuse to add his name to your CD acct. & mutual funds. Make sure things are financially equal and you are protected if things go wrong.
Not sure what you mean about his parents houseware. Do you mean things out of their kitchen? This is just bizarre. As a newly married woman you should be the one getting new appliances, housewares, etc. Put your foot down hard against this!
2006-11-19 15:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you two have a lot of issues to work out I worked for a bank for five years and I can tell you that I absolutely would NOT put my check into an account without my name on it. And I would NOT add someone to my investments if I couldn't even have my name on a checking account with him. When you give him your check to deposit into an account w/o your name on it, you have no access at all to those funds. You will be at his mercy. Being a victim of identity theft doesn't mean you can't have a checking account. It just means that you will have to be extremely cautious, which I'm sure you have already figured out.
It sounds like he has some issues with his parents. Separation anxiety, from the sounds of it. And why does he want his parents' old housewear? This is a new beginning for you two and he should want to start new. If it's not a money issue, since he is going to buy them new, what's the reason behind wanting to take the old? My husband has always had guilt issues when it comes to his parents. He always said that they did so much for him when he was growing up and now he wants to do stuff for them. But they don't want him to. They want him to concentrate on his life and his family. They can take care of themselves. Maybe he thinks the same way my hubby does??
I really think you need to work a few things out before you get married. It's terrible, but money can ruin a marriage before it even has a real chance. Don't let it get in the way of your love. Get it worked out ahead of time so you can enjoy being a newlywed. It's a wonderful feeling! Good luck!
2006-11-19 15:52:51 · answer #3 · answered by casey's girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money is the #1 reason for divorce. Save yourself some grief, and get some serious marriage counseling befor entering into a doomed marriage. He may have the best of intentions, however, he may be really naive, young, conning you, or this may be an attempt to put ties on you that marriage vows don't.. Financial ties. If you have a job, a cd and stock, it sounds like you are capable of handling money. Are you not?? Since the id theft, I am assuming you have already made the necessary changes, and taken all the precautions. Just tell him to handle his money and you will handle yours and split the bills until you are both comfortable with a joint checking account. Also, you can make him the benificiary on your cd and stock, without putting his name on it, after you are married, say about a year!.
2006-11-19 16:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by bella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see one BIG RED FLAG here and you need to pay attention to it.
Even though you may have been a victim of ID theft there is no reason you have to turn every thing you have over to him. In fact you would be crazy to do it.
Once you are married open a different checking or savings account under your new name. Place your checks in that account. He will have his own checking account so he should not have any problem with that. What he wants is to take your money and place it where you can't get to it. No....NO.....NO..
Never even consider turning over your CD and mutual fund accounts to him. Only do this after you have been married for some time and you know you can trust him. He should have no problem with that as that is your money not his.
He is staying with his parents? Why? And why...oh why....would you have to take used houseware and give his parents new houseware. I assume this would be paid for by you?
This makes no sense.
I see this man as someone who may be out to take you for every penny he can get and he will be gone. I think you feel that too.
So how will you know if he is not trying to take you? If you say to him that you don't feel good about turning over your money to him right away and he doesn't say that is fine with him....in fact encourages you not to turn it over....you have your answer.
Would he turn over his check and money to you?
This man may be playing you and you must protect yourself.
If he loves you he will want to protect your interest as well as his own. So never...ever...turn over your money to him until he has proven to be the man you hope he is.
Love will make you blind but the wrong man will make you sorry.
If he has convinced you this is the only way.....get out now. Sorry but he does not love you as he should.
2006-11-19 16:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I could be wrong, but since your last name would change, I don't think you'd have to worry about the id theft. Just be very careful where money is concerned....I don't know your fianc'e, but BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR MONEY. If it were me, I would go to the bank (any bank, really) and ask them what they would advise you to do, or what your options would be. As far as taking his parents houseware.....why the heck wouldn't he want to buy his beautiful princess who means so much to him the new houseware to begin your lives together with???? He does sound a bit fishy. Just be careful, but I hope it works out well for you.
2006-11-19 15:42:34 · answer #6 · answered by Deanna 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two have a LOT to talk about.
1) Love isn't the only thing that is going to get you through a relationship. It sounds like you two have a healthy relationship, but you still aren't out of the honeymoon stage. You realize that there are things wrong with him, but you haven't realized that they will always be there.
2) Talk to him--explain to him these issues that bother him. Remember: you can't change his personality, but you can change his bad habits.
3) You need to take charge of your life too. Get a PO Box if you don't want the mail going to his parent's. You're going to be registering for new house ware--don't take his parent's old stuff until you know you aren't going to get it.
4) It sounds like he's a mommy's boy. How old are you two? If you two are younger than 22, you BOTH may want to re-examine your relationship. Maybe waiting a little bit longer would be best for your circumstance.
2006-11-19 15:35:46 · answer #7 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha, His mommy is running the show. If you marry him and go along with all of that bull crap then in a years time he will be gone and so will all of your money. 1 whole year gives mommy time to convince him that he has made a mistake by marrying you and at the same time build up her bank account with your money. While you are signing your life away to him and handing over your pay checks she will be convincing him to come back home by telling him how horrible his life is since he married you and how big of a s.l.u.t you are and etc. etc.
Better run and run fast while you still can
2006-11-19 15:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
as crazy as it sounds.. sounds like his parents do alot more for him than you think...
He may not be telling you alot of things.. maybe just maybe he has a ton of money saved up and You dont know it yet.. he could be getting their houseware and buying them new with money that they are actually giving him...
He lives with them? You havent lived together... wha?
unreal
most likely he is very strict with his money.
2006-11-19 15:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Postpone getting married.
He says he wants to spoil you but bring used housewares and but them the new stuff?! I don't think so!!!
You two are not ready for a financial merge.
***I suspect he may be a MOMMAS BOY***
2006-11-19 15:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋