she does things to try to convince my husband to leave me even having his ex call him. she claims to be a devoted christian but nothing she does towards our marraige is very christian like. she always tries to make him choose and we are about to tell her we are expecting our first child together! any advice??
2006-11-19 14:56:00 · 15 answers · asked by Brooklyn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she doesnt have a reason to hate me. my husband cant understand it and he has tried everything. hes really close to his mom so she will tell him to choose and it really stresses him out. also this is both of our first marraige his ex is just an ex girlfriend who is engaged and expecting someone elses baby!
2006-11-21 15:06:57 · update #1
Honey, I am a Mother-in-law and I think the very best advice I can give you and it won't hurt anyone in the aftermath. It may be hard but if you are a committed Christian you won't have a problem and because you are reaching out, I believe you are. KILL HER WITH KINDNESS.
You can do it and you will have no regrets and that is such a good feeling. Congratulations to you and your hubby. Let's pray for a healthy, happy baby. God Bless you
2006-11-19 15:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice name! My family's from canarsie..lol..back to the point, my mom is like that..she tries to control me to the point where I am quite fed up with her immature behavior. I'm telling you she tried to separate my husband and I from the get-go! I also had the experience in the past, with dating a guy who's mom was controlling and manipulative towards him and truly disliked me. The best thing I do with my own mom, knowing how disapproving she is of my husband is to be firm. Spend less time with her (well I live in Honolulu now so luckily she's an ocean away from me) =) but when she calls or e-mails, she usually has something draining or mean to say about my husband ...whom I must say is the NICEST man in the WORLD. I follow my heart and I'm proud of it. Look at this site..it helped me and I am sure it'll help you and your husband. Hey congratulations on the new baby!!
p.s. Your husband should tell her to accept you and the new baby as he has begun his life. She has NO right to ruin it for him. If she won't stop I advise you two to put your foot down and take a break from her. She will get the message. Slowly but surely.
2006-11-19 15:28:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kill her with kindness and call her on it honey. It's the only way to put a stop to it. Just simply stop by her house one day with some kringle and tell her the two of you need to talk. (I know it'll be awkward, but think of the rest of your life here...a little embarrassment now will go a long way) Then tell her that you see what she is trying to do and you don't understand why, or what you may have done for her to think that you are not good enough for her son. Moms like this will rarely admit anything. In fact, not only will she deny any wrong doing, but she'll go out of her way to be extra nice to you afterwards....God forbid anyone else in the family gets wind of this. Trust me on this one....been there, so was my sister, and two friends...we are all Catholic and guilt gets them every time!
2006-11-19 15:02:18 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may not actually "hate" you (if she is really a Christian, she shouldn't hate at all) -- but I'd try to sit her down sometime and calmly have an adult conversation with her and find out what she doesn't approve of. Remember: mothers just want what's best for THEIR child first.....
If her complaints are valid, calmly try to work them out. If you think they are completely "out there", then just smile and nod and try to make peace. If your marriage is going to work, and especially if this is your mother-in-law's first grandchild, it really helps to have the blessings of the mother.
Most importantly, convince her that you love her son. Most mothers are hard to convince the woman their son has married is "good enough for them." Prove her wrong!
2006-11-19 15:05:23 · answer #4 · answered by malledon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
same rough waters here, just in another boat. my so called mother-in-law feels the same way towards me too, she calls her self a christian too. even after 18 years she will stop at nothing to make me out to be the bad guy, I had a friend tell me to try this method and after a few years I do see some improvements with our relationship with each other.
in the past I would all ways speak my mind whenever she had something too say towards me and after trying this new method it seems easier to keep my mouth shut for the moment till the time is right. every time she says something towards you or about you or your family remember to "smother her in love" you'll see the fire in her eyes as she can't get you to spark anymore.
2006-11-19 15:13:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where you're coming from. But mine hasn't ever called the ex wife. Tell her you are very much inrterested in building a close relationship with her, but it offends you that she would have his ex call him and if she really has no desire to be civil with you, that you will not be associating with her anymore. I hope your husband is supporting you. If he doesn't, you might want to re-evaluate the marriage.
2006-11-19 15:20:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem with my husband's sister...she was just a nightmare. When I found out I was pregnant, I told her if she wanted to be around her niece/nephew she'd better back it up and climb off me. Otherwise, I'd make sure she wasn't a part of the child's life ever.
Good luck. You're in for a real nightmare unless your husband sees what she's doing and supports you.
2006-11-19 15:00:31 · answer #7 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why does you mother in law hate you? if you were the cause of the break up of his first marriage i can understand why she hates you. if not i would have your husband set her straight, even if it is going as far as both of you just avoiding her. i had an ex mother in law who hated me with a passion, she would go as far doing witch craft on me(I'm serious). than something wonderful happened she DIED! and another wonderful thing happened i divorce her wussy son.
2006-11-19 15:17:44 · answer #8 · answered by prettypueo1812 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the Bible it talks about men and women leaving their families of origin, and the two becoming one flesh. Parents or inlaws should not be able to separate you... She's sinning by trying to separate you. She's being selfish and she needs to "let go of him" and let him live his own life.
2006-11-19 15:06:47 · answer #9 · answered by :-) literary cappy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not be easy, but try and ignore her, even at family gatherings. If she says something out of line to you, then you stand up for yourself ! Your spouse needs to step up and say something, a real man would!.
2006-11-19 15:13:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋