How do I move on when hubby leaves for another woman?

Question

Married for 17 years, together for 23, one great son, two stepkids who lived with us, one 95 yr old mom in law who still lives with me and our youngest. He had an affair for 4 months then decided to go live with her. How is it I can still want him back???!!

Answer 1

You don't really want him back.... You want what your life was, back, and those are two different things. Marriage is: Admiration, Respect, Passion, and Trust. The trust is gone, and he shared his body and soul (the Passion) with another woman, so there goes the admiration and respect. And in a while, you'll see that. Betrayal is the ultimate deal-breaker, and if you and he went into counseling today, it would be more than 2 years before you got any of it back. No, hon, you don't want him back, you want your life back. But now, he can no longer be part of it. Gather up your strength, get yourself into a few sessions of counselling, and when you're ready, get into dating on the internet....There are just tons of great guys on Match.com Yahoo Personals, and other places. Google dating sites.

When I found my marriage crowded, after 18 years, it was all I could do not to vomit in the guy's face. I packed up, left, we sold everything, and I moved to another state..... There was no way I wanted my husband to even touch me -- it made me nauseous. I wanted my marriage back, but that wouldn't happen, would it? He destroyed it all by himself...

Answer 2

wow...sorry you sound sad and he is an a--but whats done is done.
You are surrounded by his family, you are still involved with his life and yours..like your still with him. Of course you want him back...its only been few short months. You didn't cut off you feelings like he did/can. His Mother lives with you, have kids together..life together. Do you really want him back or are you hanging on so your life is kept as was.
Think about next month, next year. How things have really changed...and they have. He was with another woman for four months now he is with her....things are different now.
Even if he does come back the image of him and her together will never leave your mind...trust is gone. You THINK you want him back but please do yourself a favor and begin to look ahead and begin to help yourself. Use the internet like you just did and reach out to others, call a crisis line in your area.

You are not alone and thousands of woman have gone through what you are....you will need strength and assistance to get thru an break up of 23 years...he was your life...he is gone...be kind to yourself and keep reaching out. Life sucks most times its how you handle it and accept the Bs that either makes you or breaks you. Chin up and have the last laugh when he wants to come back and you tell him where to go....

Answer 3

It's not necessarily him you want back honey...what you want is what you THOUGHT you had. A man who cheats and then decides to leave his entire family behind for someone that he's only known for four months, is going to end up crawling back to you anyway. Those things never work out. In the meantime, you take it day by day. Instead of looking in the review mirror, try looking through the windshield. You can't change what has happened, but you can have a hand in deciding what will happen honey.

Answer 4

Thats a natural feeling.It will be this way for a couple of years so just be careful how you deal with it.Even though he did you wrong you still love the guy.You will hate him one minute for what he did and then love him and want him back the next.Its hard to deal with all the mixed emotions for the first few months maybe years but it will get better.Making the decision wether to keep him or devorce him will be hard.I chose to devorce my wife after her infidelity.The first couple of years I wondered if I made the right decision and after about the second year I finally realized that it was the right choice.Hope this helps.

Answer 5

u want what u believed was there for u and your husband, but even if he did come back, would u honestly be able to forget it, knowing he chose her over u? it's easier said than done. we want our life back, because we feel secure with the familiar. we do fear the future and it's unknown. even if he did come back how long would it be till he left again, maybe to go with the same woman. would u truly ever be able to trust him ever again, he ran away once, and would mostlikely do so again when things got difficult, which they do in every marriage. best to get the brokenheart over with now, than take him back and invest more in him, and have him go back to her again whenever there were any problems. u thought u were loved, i did too, but when he left me for her over 3 years ago i decided i was not going to ever put myself in that situation again, so i moved on, wasn't easy but i did it. now my life is much better, i would be lying if i said i didn't still once in a while go back there in my mind, we all do it. but i know had i not left he would have come back, and he would have left again the first time there was an argument or he didn't get his way. good luck, hard decision u must make. u only miss the marriage u thought it was not what it really was, how we lie to ourselves at times.

Answer 6

Can't even imagine how you feel...stay strong!! Sometimes we can't understand why things happen, but just remember everything happens for a reason...Hope everything works out and don't waste time being mad, go forward from here and move on. Consentrate on yourself and the wonderful children that you are blessed with...biological and step....

It will be tough, but it's all you now, recreate your life, make it good and surround yourself with happiness....It starts now!!

Answer 7

I don't know. I sure wouldn't. I'd call the other woman, though, and thank her. If not for her, you might have lived with the jerk for another 17 years before he cheated on you with someone else. Count your blessings (the kids) and move on. You'll be okay. He won't. Trust me.

Answer 8

That is really sad. After you took in his mom and his kids, it was horrible of him to leave you for another woman. You are suffering from shock and grief. Therapy would help you. Then pack up his mom and his kids and let the new woman take care of them. That ought to end it.

Answer 9

Get an evidences for your husband's immoral activities. Find a best lawyer wom you can rely on then file criminal charge with damages your husband for wrong doings. You do not deserve to have husband like him. Fight that no more cents left in his pocket and use your saving for good.

Answer 10

You just move on. Hold your head up and turst you will find someone 10 times better then him. And don't go looking for anyone Mr.Right will come to you . My Mr.Right did.