Should I back Off?

Question

My Best friend of 15 years is about to end her marriage of 11 months she is 2 years younger than i am and just had a son. We have been there for each other through everything. She is talking to a guy and i keep warning her she needs to be careful because her marriage may be in a "rough" patch and that she doesn't need to do anything she will regret if her and her husband get back together. I tell her over and over again that just because she thinks her husband is cheating doesn't mean he is. She is extremely hormonal she had a baby in september and everything seems to trigger her emotions..Should i back off and just let her do her own thing or should i continue to be the little voice in her head telling her to be careful?

Answer 1

If l was you l would continue to be a good friend and try to steer her in the right direction. Trust me we all need a true friend and you certainly seem to have her best interests at heart. When l was going through a very rough time with my marriage l had a friend just like you and although l didn't always agree with everything she said l always listened. When we are not totally in control of our emotions for one reason or another we need someone to keep us on an even keel. I do believe that whether you think it or not at the time, she is listening to you and your advice is helping. Please tread carefully but do not back off, she really needs you more than ever now. Continue to be her good friend and stick by her whatever happens. Best of luck to both of you.

Answer 2

Your friend is definitely going through a rough patch. You hit the nail on the head when you said she is still hormonal. However, she is inviting trouble by seeking the attentions of another man and will regret it. She must be made to see that she has to make her children her priority. What she is doing is setting herself up to be declared an unfit mother and her husband will walk away with everything including the kids. Everyone married for any length of time will go thru ruff patches. She is projecting her own desires onto her husband. That is evidenced by the fact that she hasn't any proof he is cheating and that she is already pursuing another man. You can't get thru to her even though you are right. She will have to fall on her face herself. You can just be there to support her the best you can. The more you act as her conscience the more she will resist and justify her actions. Don't carry her baggage. Live your own life ; hers is going nowhere real fast.

Answer 3

First thing I recommend is don't be the type of friend that says "I support you no matter what you decide". That would make you a pushover. You should stand for your morals and principles and make her decide if your friendship is has any meaning.

Try to get someone else that is close to her to help her out also. Her parents or pastor. Recommend counseling. Just remember that if she pushes you away just give her love and go. Don't be bitter or hateful. Sometimes sinners need to hit a low all on their own in order to realize the wrong they committed.

Answer 4

I'd get it all out there one last time, then stay out of it. If you push too hard being the little voice you could end up being part of the problem. She's going to make up her mind regardless of what you say or think. She could have post partum depression, and she should look into that. If she acts in a way that makes you think she'll do harm to herself or her child intervene immediately!

Answer 5

without risking your friendship, continue advising her to be careful. could she be going through post partem depression after having the baby? horomones do cause some women lots of difficulties following birth. be supportive but don't blame yourself if she makes a choice and regrets it later. she is an adult.

Answer 6

Be a true friend and tell her exactly what you think. Honesty is the best policy, don't just sit back and let your best friend do something she will regret.

Answer 7

Does she have post natal depression?

Is her husband cheating can you find out?

Is she allowed to be happy?

Just be there for her through her mistakes and achievements...but if it's a mental health issue get her to get help.

Answer 8

You are probably her only touch with reality. Yup, stick with your friend, and keep up the good advise..... If she is doing all these crazy things, she needs all the help she can get until she finds square one.

Answer 9

You should continue to encourage her to do the right thing, that's what makes you a real friend. I could use friends like you.

Answer 10

She probably won't thank you for it, and she may very well not even listen to you, but you shouldn't let that stop you from telling her what you think is true.