My father I've never met has now found me. What should I do?

Question

I'm 26 years old and a "cousin" related to my father who I've never met has now found me via myspace.com. I've never met anyone from my dads side including my dad. I don't know anything about this family or who they are or If I even have any brothers or sisters.. This "cousin" wants to know if its really "ME". I know for sure that she is in fact a relative due to the fact that she mentioned my mothers name and my age. She mentions that she would love to meet me and her "large" family which would include my father who I've never met. What should I do? What effects can this have on my undisturbed life and my mother who doesn't know about this yet. Maybe someone needs a kidney?

Since I wrote this question, I've revealed myself to my "cousin". I'm very scared to find out what I don't know. I have not asked questions about anything. This cousing sent a old picture of my father and mentioned that it was taken about 21 years ago. She says that it was probably his last one. I can only asume that he past away. I'ts very painfull to learn about this. I've dicided not to tell my mother about this ordeal until I meet this family that had wondered about me forever. This cousin also mentioned that my fathers mother is very old and that I am the only thing left from her son. This is very hard for me. I have lots positive things going on for me and Im not sure if this is one of them.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, this is a situation that is going to be entirely up to you. If you've had questions that you wanted answered, then here's your opportunity...just know that you may not get the answers you were hoping for. You want to know what affect it will have on your undisturbed life? That's decision you'll have to make for yourself because obviously something like this is going to have some level of disturbance...it's up to you how deep you want it to go. As for your mother, well, the decision on what you do really isn't hers to make.

Answer 2

Talk to your mother and see if she can verify that this person is in fact your cousin and not some stranger who happened to find out some personal information about you. Then you need to ask your mother if people on your father's side have bad attributes (like using other people), since there's a reason why your mother left your biological father. After you get all of this out of the way, proceed with caution and resist doing any "favors" immediately, as they do not have any right to ask such things of you. Be careful and good luck.

Answer 3

Was there a man who raised you? Your mother's husband?

Then HE is your father !!!

Some guy who had sex with your mother and disappeared is NOT your father!

Your father is the man who taught you how to ride a bike, who picked you up when you fell. Your father is the man who came to your school plays, ball games and graduation. Your father is the man who paid for your college, for your car, for your insurance, your food, your clothes. Your father is the man who has told you COUNTLESS times that he loves you and wants the best for you.

HE IS YOUR FATHER !!!

So show this man how much you love and care for him and all he has done for you and go meet the guy who had a toss with your mother and disappeared. Won't that be exciting for you? Never mind that it will break the heart of the man who truly is your father. All you will meet is a complete stranger who might have your eyes and your chin. Congratulations.

He probably does need a kidney. So here he is after 26 years, wanting yours.

Answer 4

It's time for a very frank talk with your mother, and possibly other members of her family as well. You need to find out what they think, and why. Their opinions might not be the best, but you should at least hear them out.

Then if you want to meet your dad and his family, I'd give it a shot. But be cautious. These people are, in fact, strangers.

Answer 5

Give it a chance, try to listen to their side of the story, forgive and move on. Wouldn't you want to meet your Dad and be able to have a relationship. People do so many stupid things in their lives, his was probably leaving you, and I am sure you have done stupid things yourself. There is too much anger/hate/judgement in the world, do yourself a favor and don't be part of that. Even if you end up getting hurt, it is better to know than to wonder.
Good luck :>)

Answer 6

What do you want to do?
Have you ever found your self wondering about your dads family ? Than why not?
doesnt matter,,,, Just talk to this person on line and get to know them a little before you take the big step..It might be interesting...

Answer 7

You are 26 and old enough to realize that your mother has messed up your life. Yes your mother, not your father. Shame on every woman who has a child with a man and takes that child as her own possession. You have the right to be loved by your father, if he wants to see you he has never stopped loving you.

Answer 8

The same thing happened to my husband. His parents were divorced when he and his brother were very young. Of course their mother got custody. She didn't want their father to have any contact with the boys at all, so she moved them all the time. When their father would find them, she'd move them again. She told them that their father didn't care about them, that he knew exactly where they were and never tried to contact them. Fast forward to 1999 when my husband I were planning our wedding. I asked if if he wanted to go online and try to find his family. He said he wanted nothing to do with them, so I dropped it. Fast forward to 2001 when our son was was about 5 months old. I was emailing friends, updating my son's latest doctor appointment when I found an email from someone looking for my husband. I opened the email and she had the names of my husband, his brother and father. She said she was my husband's 2nd cousin. Her grandmother and my husband's father are brother and sister. So, while I emailed her back, my husband called her and talked to her. He asked her several questions and she knew the answers to every single one. He said he just wanted to make sure she was who she said she was. I told him to ask what his mother's maiden name was. She had a long Italian last name, so it definitely wasn't something you could just take a guess at. He asked her and without skipping a beat, she told him. He dropped to the floor and cried. He had finally found his family. We emailed all sorts of pictures of our wedding and our son. My husband's cousin, her mom and grandmother printed all the pix and our emails and put them in a photo album and wrapped the album in Christmas paper. Oh, I forgot to mention, this was 3 weeks before Christmas! They called my husband's father (they live about 45 minutes from him) and asked would he be home. He said yes, so they went over - never telling him they found my husband. They got to the house, with tissues in hand and put the album in his lap. He opened it and looked at the first page, which was our wedding picture. He said it was very pretty, but asked who it was. His sister told him to look at the man's eyes. Didn't he know those eyes? My husband looks exactly like his father. He looked a little closer, then got silent and looked at all 3 women, who were all crying by this time. His sister finally was able to tell him that the man was his long lost son and the woman was his daughter-in-law. They had found us and had talked to us. My father-in-law broke down and sobbed. Then, they told him to turn the page. There was a picture of our son. More tears as he found out he had a grandchild. Not long after that, our phone rang. It was my father-in-law and he was the dearest, sweetest man. We drove to see him over New Years and I met the most wonderful, friendly, funny people. They all welcomed me with open arms and most of the people I met over that long weekend brought gifts for our son. Just the other day we found out that my father-in-law's kidneys are failing. The first thing my husband asked was, "Where and how do I get tested to be a donor?" Please, please, PLEASE do not turn down this once in a lifetime opportunity. My husband and father-in-law have a very close relationship now and I can't tell you what it's meant to him to have his father back in his life. Please, meet him and get to know him and any other family you have on his side. You won't regret it.

Answer 9

Well, i think you should talk with your mother first about this. Together hopefully you will be able to make a choice. You have to take into account your own as well as your mother's emotions in this decision, because both will be affected :S
Awkward situation...I hope things go well :)

Answer 10

talk to your mom ASAP just to make sure this isn't someone wanting to do you harm............. if it is true have your mom go with you and meet them its always best to know where your from and there might be medical info that you might need down the road that your dad can only give ( everything in life happens for a reason) just be careful