We have been going out for 15 months and are in our 40's- but he won't do any family things with me and my daughter IF my gay brother is involved. On another note- i am divorced and he is wonderul with me and my child as long as my brother is not involved. oh and he has not introduced me to any of his friends or family.
is he hiding me?
2006-11-19 12:41:44 · 43 answers · asked by snuggletrunk 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
more details- i love my brother very much-i think he is great guy- he has never done anythingn to my bf-it really hurts my feeling when my bf decides to thell me "i'm not sure" when iinvite him to FAMILY things with us- when the issue REALLY is he just doesnt want to be around my bro-we had a blow-out today about all this and he says he "has strong feelings about this and WILL NOT CHANGE" -His parents live out-of-state so that is y i havent met them but his Father was here for a visit lately- but did i get to meet him? NO.
My bf is also a Christian and i am a Atheist -(which i TOLD him on our first date) so no news there- but that is one of the reasons i feel he is a HOMOPHOB. I met a group of his friends ONCE this August- they were not my type of ppl (into drinking and stuff) so when i asked if we could leave as i was SO uncomfortable he made me stay 2 hours MORE! i told him this mrn-I WILL not force YOU to go somewhere where I feel YOU will be uncomfortable -have tgiving w/ur pp
2006-11-19 13:53:42 · update #1
It is troubling enough that he is rejecting of your brother. That alone would send up a big-ol-red-flag for me........however, you also state that you have been going out for FIFTEEN months and have yet to meet his friends and family?! You can never really know a person until you see how they interact with the other people in their life....and how the people in their life regard them, in turn. You are not getting the whole picture here and that is extremely troubling. Frankly, this sounds like he has some big-time control issues.....he is not only deciding who of your own family you should have in your life, he is also deciding how you will perceive him.....which is always a sign of deep insecurity. I think you already know what to do.......You (and your daughter, not incidentally) deserve the "whole enchilada". Think of this as an opportunity to teach her how a woman may regard herself and her own self-worth.
2006-11-19 13:25:25 · answer #1 · answered by delighteddave 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im still a kid but i think i can answer this sound like he's a homophob which probably means deep down in side he has had thoughts of ****** a guy or somthin like that he cant be that wonderful with the kid if he discriminates on anyone wat if (heaven forbid) ur child should grow up to be a homosexual how will he treat the kid then or if ur child hang out with bi or gay friends a discriminater is never wonderful in any aspects of life and you should know this with your age old wisdom( not tryin to call you old or anything) just sayin and you say u have been going out for 15 months and he hasn't introduced you to anyone yea he has a double life style he's hiding somethin bigg time leave him u divorced ur baby's daddy and did alright by urself so dont put up wit his nonsense any longer. hope this helps a lil
2006-11-19 13:15:51 · answer #2 · answered by HP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a catholic, and I believe it's much better to love him and let him be himself than let him live in the streets. If he hs a boyfriend, it is not a sin, and if it is, you are not doing the sin, and you cannot control anyone's life. If he has to do intercourse, he will do with it, so if you let him be himself in your own home, it will just make his life easier. You can always try to tell him that you don't feel that comfortable and as much as possible, he can go to his boyfriend's home or somewhere else, but you can't reject him, now this is his home too.
2016-05-22 05:32:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Young lady I agree with most of the folks that have answered your question. This BF is starting to exert control over you and it will only get worse, much worse.
Family does come first and they will always be there for you while BF/GF may come and go. This BF maybe Mr. Wonderful in your eyes right now but I am afraid that will change rather soon. He wants you to turn against your own flesh and blood and that is just not acceptable. Who or what will be next?
As for not introducing you to his family: Maybe he is afraid they will give you info. on him that is not very pretty if you get my point.
Please consider who "you" really want in your life and not let others choose for you.
2006-11-19 13:28:13 · answer #4 · answered by dragon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is hiding you, for whatever reason. I had a relationship with a guy like that. After 6 months, I broke it off with him because he wouldn't let me meet anyone important in his life.
As far as him not wanting to be around your brother, perhaps you should ask him why. Tell him that it would mean a lot to you for the two of them to try and get along. Point out to your boyfriend that there will be people are your family gatherings for him to chat with other than your brother.
That's just my opinion, I hope it helps at all.
2006-11-19 12:50:05 · answer #5 · answered by prettycute4u62040 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uh, what happens when he makes you choose between him and your kid? You'd actually let a BF of 15 months dictate your life?
Having said that, maybe there's some good reason your BF wants to stay away from your brother. But if there isn't, it isn't up to him to tell you to stay away from your FAMILY! Next time the BF chooses to avoid family gatherings if the gay bro is there, tell the BF to stay home while you have fun with the family.
I don't even believe in homsexuality, but that doesn't mean you avoid him. He's family!
If he starts trying to control you like this early, he'll only get worse.
As far as not introducing you to his family, that sounds entirely separate. If the two of you are together, it's time to meet the parents. If he refuses, move on.
2006-11-19 12:49:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Maybe he is hiding a wife! Lose him honey...doesn't sound like he is honest and anyone who isn't accepting of your family you won't be happy with in the long run.
Anyone who is that intolerant of someone gay either has some kind of issues with the subject themselves...maybe he doesnt trust his own feelings on the matter...or maybe he just hates them which indicates he has other things he hates with just as much passion...would you be willing to find out what he hates about you down the road?
2006-11-19 13:25:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, let me tell you. From a conservative,Christian stand point. Dump him! Your brother is family. His lifestyle is his business. Your brother doesn't try and tell you how to run your life does he? Love your brother. If Casanova can't accept your entire family as is, then perhaps he's not accepting of you completely. You've already been through divorce, you know that guys will come and guys will go. But family is family. I suspect you can do better.
15 months and still you haven't met his family or friends? What's he trying to hide? Things aren't right and you should distance yourself. It sounds like he has more trouble (hidden life? personality disorder? controlling?) than what he's worth.
2006-11-19 12:54:06 · answer #8 · answered by Doc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doens't sound like a winner to me- sounds like he needs to be a little more open minded.
Whether you love him or not, your brother is your family. You should always back up your family first. Your brother didnt do anything wrong by being gay. Your boyfriend is most likely a homophobe and is embarassed that your brother is gay. And if you've been dating that long and you haven't met his family yet, chances are there might be another woman involved, or he just doesnt care about you enough to let you meet them.
2006-11-19 12:46:21 · answer #9 · answered by Megan S 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
It is nice that he is good to your daughter but at what cost? If you're brother is an idiot it's not because he's gay, he's just an idiot. But if your brother is a sweetheart (most gay guys are) then that's not fair to him. You either love him or not & if you support anyone or anything that is anti gay then your brother would be better off not associating with you or your boyfriend. I'm sorry if that seems harsh but it's the truth.
2006-11-19 13:37:46 · answer #10 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋