My partner of 15 year's and the farther of my two children have just walked out the door..Do you think we should of sat the kid's down tonight and told them the score. Because i do. Why has he left it to me to explain.?
2006-11-19 12:04:12 · 16 answers · asked by beverley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Men think its so easy for us to tell the kids. Daddy never wants to be the butt. I too think he should of been a man and explained that this stuff happens, And that he still loves them. But I don't know the whole reason he left, and what the kids would think. I just think i know what he should of done. That's be the man hes supposed to be and stand up when he should. I hope you and the kids make it through this.
2006-11-19 12:10:23 · answer #1 · answered by shawna04939 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship is rocky from the beginning then it's a good idea to get divorced/breakup while the children are still young. The longer you wait the more traumatic the effect on the children.
If this is your partner for 15 years, then I take it you were never married. Marriage offers a sense of security to the relationship. Without this sense of security, the relationship is always edgy.
Tell the children what has happened. Explain to them that it's not their fault, that people make mistakes, and things just happen. Tell them that you love them and so does their father, but both of you have to live apart. Remind them that you and him will be able to see them, so it's not like one or the other is leaving forever. If you can afford it, try to find some counseling for the children at this time. Later on they might grow up resenting you or him or both of you. Neither scenario is good for the children.
2006-11-19 12:51:25 · answer #2 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not want the responsibility of telling the kids. He does not want to be viewed as the bad guy. Do not stay together for the kids. Dr Phil says kids would prefer to come from a broken then be in one. You need to communicate with your husband of why he left and is it fixable. Make sure to tell your children if they are at the approaite age. Try to be honest. If you and him decide to get a divorce. You still need to make it clear to the children that they are a team and you both still love them and would do anything for them. Don't make them feel like they should choose sides. B/c they will end up resenting you. You need to be an adult and be strong. God Bless you!
2006-11-19 12:12:48 · answer #3 · answered by Aron H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he had wanted to sit down and talk about it he would have done so before he left. i would wait a while and see if he comes back .if he's not back in a couple of weeks or so i would take out a court order for child support .if your children are of school age i would take up a new career and be independent of him .or you could get a part time job somewhere while your children grow up a bit and then start a new career. i think the children, if they understand ,should know why yheir father isn't around but not all the details especially if it involves another woman . just tell them he's gone away to think things over .
2006-11-19 12:11:38 · answer #4 · answered by clrdanlob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not your fault that he left. A marriage is supposed to take two. Staying together for the kids is a wonderful idea but, at the end of the day, YOUR mental health is going to effect theirs. If you're not happy, they won't be. As bad and nasty as a divorce can get, sometimes it is for the best. Its not fair that he left you to explain it to them but, use what I said. Sometimes its not fair to you to stay. This doesn't mean that he is a bad father (if he is then this doesn't apply), it just means that you both needed different things.
2006-11-19 12:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by irishgypsy88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because obviously he's immature and isn't man enough to let his own kids what's going. He took the easy way out and left it all up to you to do the explaining so he wouldn't. To answer your main question, don't stay together for the kids, because you're making the kids an excuse to be together when you both really don't want eachother. It isn't fair to yourselves or the kids.
2006-11-19 12:09:56 · answer #6 · answered by Alyssa . 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All depends on why he left don't be negative or vindictive. I can understand your exasperated right now over this situation. You may not even want to tell the kids tonight. Just allow them to get to the holiday so they don't have to attend school then tell them. If you do it now they aren't going to want to go to school over being upset about dads leaving. But after all they are your kids and they have to know eventually that dad isn't coming home again. Good Luck!
2006-11-19 12:13:19 · answer #7 · answered by groundpilot43061 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know in advance that this would happen? If so, you should have had a family meeting and told the kids. If you had no idea then you could not have helped it.
He was very immature and selfish to leave you to explain what was going on. I hope you made sure the kids know it is not their fault.
2006-11-19 12:07:49 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he left it all on you to explain. Explain it the best way that you can. However, don't stay in an unhealthy relationship for the "sake of the kids". You may cause them more harm than good, staying in an unhealthy situation.
2006-11-19 12:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by mothersister_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not stay together for the kids. Kids aren't dumb, and they defiantly know when things are wrong. They'll feel the tension, and often times feel like they need to pick sides. Be straight up with them and tell them the reasons why you and your partner can't be together anymore. They and you will be o.k..
2006-11-19 12:09:04 · answer #10 · answered by Thursdays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋