What did i do wrong???????????

Question

Met my husband when we were 9 he had just been transfered from another school and we declared ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend at 10 yes i now dumb but true.We went all the way through middleschool and highschool. I got pregnant senior year of highschool with our daughter Isabel we got married 3 months after she as born. We have been through so much including being a burden financially to both our parents we did go to college and working sometimes never seeing each other.He graduated a year and half ahead of me and i thought things were getting better i will graduate this year and we were seeing each other again and getting along well. Then last week he sat me down and said to me that he needs to be by himself and single!ending the conversation with him giving me the paper work!

Been married 5 1/2 years

Answer 1

Where did you go wrong...getting pregnant in high school is a good place to start. To young and inexperienced to be a parent and provider. Financial strains on both of you and your parents, never seeing each other.

You have all the answers right in the details of your question. You however can only be or take half the blame, the other half is his.

Additionally he is to blame for not honoring his commitments to you and your child. I would bet he has found someone else "exciting" (in his mind).

What he doesn't realize is that being himself and single is a fantasy. The reality is he will feel the same way about that person (if that is the case) in a few years.

Answer 2

Either he's met someone else, or he's been with you for so long he's feeling like he's missing something. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you can say to him, he seems to have made up his mind.
You could make the separation as hard as you can, but in the end all you're going to have is a bitter divorce, with your daughter caught in the middle. I know this hurts badly. Just take one day at a time. Try to do what you think is best for your daughter. I can't even say he's a jerk. He is, but you two were so young when you got together and so young when you had your daughter and got married, it seems like it all just kind of happened and you got caught up in the whirlwind of it and now that you're both older, he's having a change of heart. You can't make him love you. He will always be a part of your life because you share your daughter. Unfortunately there's no solutions for you. You're going to need time, understanding, and a lot of patience to get through this, but you will get through it. Stronger than you were before.

Answer 3

You did nothing wrong and beleive it! Your husband sounds like he just realized he has never been a young man and sowen his wild oats(for that matter neither have you!) You were togeather so young and had no chance to "sample" your youth, date different people experiance the dating game and enjoy not being a couple. I know it is difficult exspecially with a child involved but really not unexpected. "If you love something set it free" unfortunatly your man needs to experiance the life that most teens and young adults experiance between about 15-25 and that he hasn't had and which is pretty normal in learning what you want and how to love and have a relationship. Be happy that you have a beautiful child and look at this time as an opportunity for you to experiance life as well. It will hurt but hanging on to someone who does not want to be there will be worse and you both(as well as your daughter) deserve better. Good luck and keep a bright outlook.

Answer 4

Cally, it is quite possibly you did nothing wrong. He may have changed his why of thinking, or what he wants out of life. I am so sorry that you having to go through this heartache. Your husband is needing to have himself, and he's proably wanting to sow so oats, as we old people like to say. I will say this for him, at least he has enough respect for you to tell you before going out and having an affair. That doesn't make it any easier to take I know, sweetie.

You focus on yourself and that precious daughter of yours. Don't let this ruin your life, look at as a new adventure. It's not going to be easy, and I won't lie and say just forget him and move on. You have been with him longer than a lot of married people, so it's going to take time and a lot of tears will be shed. Your baby needs a healthy mommy-physically as well as mentally. So, you concentrate on her, if you can't see past today. You make her the most important thing, you finish school, get a good job, and raise her to be a loving and giving young woman. And when you can start dating. Have some fun. You have always been a couple, and now it's time to do what most of us did in highschool. See what's out there, there are plently of guys looking for a young woman as yourself who can be faithful and true. That takes her vows and promises seriously. Take care, and I truely hope you can smile again soon...

God bless us all........

Answer 5

You probably haven't done anything wrong. Just because you declared yourselves bf and gf back when you were so young can't possible have carried on forever. Maybe it could have but that's unlikely. He probably met many people while in school and realized that his life has been pretty much mapped out since elementary school. At this point you should realize that he's already checked out. You should let him go and move on yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you as well especially now that you too are graduating. Don't waste time on someone who has already left. You have to be strong for yourself and your daughter and move on. Don't try and force him to stay... he will only resent you and your daughter.

Answer 6

In the marriage you may have done nothing wrong. When he sat you down did he tell you why he wanted to be alone? I got married right out of high school also under almost the same situation. I left him. For some of us once we get older we realize what we want and what we got isn't the same. HOWEVER!!! In my situation I wasn't what he really wanted but I was the one strong enough to leave. You really need to talk to him before you go ahead and sign the paperwork. See if you two can get counseling. This way if you do divorce you can try to make it "easy" for your child and you can say you tried. I was married for 16 yrs. He was my boyfriend 5 yrs. before that. Good Luck to you. Stay strong and find a place for yourself in this world no matter what.

Answer 7

Maybe its just that you two have grown apart. Between 16 and about 24, we go through so much in our lives that sometimes people change significantly. Think about it- you're not the same person now that you were freshman year. Its a fairy tale dream to be with the same person your entire life and, while sometimes it does come through, other times changes send you apart. If you can maintain your friendship for Isabel things might get easier and at least then you'd still be in contact. I'm sorry it happened that way, every girl deserves her "Happily Ever After"

Answer 8

Let's talk from the perspective of a man -- albeit a perhaps strange man -- me. My wife and I've been married 33 years and raised 3 wonderful daughters. She is not the "going out" type in the sense of going to bars, clubs, etc., or getting involved with the "wrong crowd"; I am. In my business I've had to travel a lot -- anywhere from fairly close -- about 40 miles to around 500 miles at a time. This has given us the opportunity to live, in a sense, more than one life -- giving a greater sense of independence to her and a greater freedom to me. Along the way -- and read the whole sentence -- I've had many friends who were girls but have never actually cheated on my wife. Yes, it's a balancing act. And yes, I was in a sense, tempting temptation. And yes, I came close a few times. But through it all we've maintaiined a healthy marriage and raised our kids in a socially healthy environment. It's not terribly unusual for me to have hobnobed with Governors and Senators and Chamber of Commerce Presidents and caroused with the lowest of the low in the grungiest bar in town in the same day, always keeping in mind my responsibilities to my family and myself on one hand and all segments of the human race on the other. So it can be done . . . but it depends on whether your husband wants another woman . . . or just a chance -- as you might describe my life -- to spread his wings a little wider.

Answer 9

You probably didn't do anything wrong -- a relationship takes two people and if one of them isn't into it anymore, you can't blame yourself for it.

I'm sure that tons of people are telling you this, and it won't make it hurt any less, but you guys did get together very young. You haven't had too much of a chance to grow up individually. This might really be for the best.

Two main points I want to make here:

1. Look after yourself -- make sure you have lots of friends and family to support you and love you. I'm sure it hurts a lot right now, you need to have the people who love you around you.

2. Life works in mysterious ways -- if you were made to be together, you will end up together eventually. However, if you really are not best for each other (even if you can't see it now), this will work out in the end.

Look after your daughter -- she's probably hurting as much as you are right now -- and make sure that you tell your friends and family when you need a hug and shoulder to cry on.

Good luck -- I'm sorry that things went the way they did for you, but it will get better.

Answer 10

I did tha same thing I got married young. We divorced. I got pregnant freshman year of college got married that summer. It is not the age it is the amount of love u have for the other person. U should date! Let him go it is going 2 b hard. Espically with a baby!!! But, he will come back!U r his first love! Always will b!! It will be a hard road but you either get back together or find someone better!!Either way u will b okay!Stay in school!!!