I have bipolar and part of that is I react to emotional pain very strongly. I feel overwhelmed just now with things to do for Christmas etc and yesterday my husband brought a lot of stuff that had been in storage to our small apartment.
We went shopping for food and came back. I felt very stressed because of all the stuff to put away and the food that we had bought aswell as the dishes from the meal I had made the night before. My husband has a very physical job and so is tired a lot when he is at home. He wanted to take a nap and I needed to deal with the mess. I got mad at him and he left and hasn't come home or phoned me. I am hurt because he knows about my mental illness and I don't feel he is being very kind or understanding.
2006-11-19 11:52:21 · 17 answers · asked by JAM 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been married 3 years. I am not on any meds yet. Doc appt dec 1st.
I am more stressed about cooking dishes for family gatherings for thanksgiving and Christmas. It is expected of the women in My husband's family. I am English living in America. Residency appointment in Dec -added stress for that. It is hard to have to take responsibility for everything because my husband is always tired. Mostly I don't bother about him napping but He knew I was getting stressed cos he said so. He could have helped for just a little bit before napping.I try hard to be a good wife to him. I make nice meals everyday for him arriving home. I alos get up at 5.45 to make his breakfast and lunch. Than I get him up.
Give and take is all I ask.
2006-11-19 12:12:44 · update #1
Honey, bipolarity will KILL a relationship. Trust me.
No matter what he does, or doesn't do, you have to focus on YOU right now. Are you on meds? If no, why not? That is priority one right now. You have to get stable in order to maintain any relationship. I don't know what he does or says or doesn't say, but right now it's all about YOU. YOU have to have a clear head and meds will do that almost instantaneously. Don't let this ruin another relationship. Holidays, stress, we all got it. Manage yours and he will appreciate it. Don't lay your stuff at his feet. Get your act together.
You said he has a very physical job and is tired - don't put more stress into that. Just fix you and see if everything else falls into place.
You can get meds from your family doctor, you don't need a psychiatrist. Call your doctor tomorrow.
2006-11-19 12:08:10 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Don't worry, he'll come home soon. He's a man and he needs his freedom sometimes, that doesn't make him a bad guy. Didn't you love him when he was free and had friends? Why would you want to take that away from him? You shouldn't be hassling his family either, that's just wrong. It makes you look weak and him look like he isn't in control of his wife like he should be. His friends will lose respect if he lets you get away with that. That could hurt his career too. You are his wife, he knows that he doesn't need you to remind him. Maybe that's why he needs so much time with his crew, maybe you don't even let him breathe when he's alone? You should make sure the house is nice and he has a good hot meal waiting at every meal whether he's there or not. Never show anger to him or disrespect. Love him in every way, but make yourself available for that not pushed on him. You probably can't be told everything, but it's for your own good. Don't worry about this. Just be a good wife and be there to love him when he comes around, and he'll come around more often.
2016-03-29 02:02:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am too bipolar. I understand totally where you are coming from. We have mood swings and live in a living nightmare at times. It isn't easy for most people to understand unless they have been in our shoes. I too get stressed pretty easily, but my Doctor changed my medications and I have felt alot better and don't have near the mood swings that I was having. Get with your Dr. and see if maybe you could change your meds. or up the dosage on the meds. you are currently taking. You said that your husband is really tired when he comes home from work and wanted to take a nap. You need to see his side of his life also. Let him take a nap when he needs to and don't get mad at him so easily. It isn't easy to live with someone that is bipolar and I think you already know that. Give him a break and just take one thing at a time to do and don't get so stressed out. You don't have to do everything all at once. Give yourself a break as well. Do one thing you need to do and do the next thing you need to do a little later. I also go to counseling which has helped me tremendously with not just the bipolar but with everything including the mood swings. If he hasn't called you yet, call him and tell him how sorry you are and you will do whatever it takes to see if your Dr. can help you so you won't get so stressed out so easily and take things out on him. I guarantee you if you get on the right medications, you will feel so much better and you will notice a big difference with all of your feelings. And just think about counseling. Good luck and I will be thinking about you. It isn't easy having this illness, I know. But you can either let it take you and your life over, or you can fight like he** to get alot better.
2006-11-19 12:06:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i understand that you are stressed but having a mental illness does not allow you to take things out on your husband.
the dishes and stuff could have waited until you were both rested and better able to deal with the mess.
i can see that maybe your husband was at the end of his rope and needs some space. Sometimes the best thing to say to yourself when you are stressed is "how important is this right now in the grand scheme of things?" "will i die if this isnt done RIGHT NOW?" unlikely.
i understand the mental health issues, but you can't use that as an excuse for unreasonable behavior. your husband deserves respect and a bit of slack when he is tired. and try to cut yourself a bit of slack as well.
dishes will be there later. the stuff will be there later. you could have snuggled with your husband for an hour instead of yelling. whether you have a mental illness or not you still can make good choices once you step back and breathe....
2006-11-19 12:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by maggiemae821 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You're right, the hollidays are stressful for everyone, but for you it must be even worse. Your husband knows this, and should try helping and being supportive. His nap could've waited an hour so he could help put things away.
One way I organize for christmas is to make lists of everyone I need to buy gifts for and write under each persons name things they like, want or need. And I use that as my buying guide when I'm shopping.
As for decorating for christmas, I would suggest doing a little each day until your done. It may take a few days or a week, but at least your not stressed and trying to rush to get it done. Good luck - your husband will be back very soon.
2006-11-19 12:02:31 · answer #5 · answered by missie 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm taking a stab in the dark here but it doesn't sound like you've been married very long. Forgive me if I'm wrong on that but, it sounds like you're still in the phase where you're working on trying to get your systems down (ie- he does this, you do this kind of thing). He needs to be understanding of your illness- its not something you can completely control and sometimes it can't be helped. I'm very familiar with bipolar and I know that sometimes things slip out before you want them to and sometimes you feel like you're more overwhelmed than you really are. If he hasn't called or come home I'd say maybe trying to drive over to his dad's to see if maybe he's there and you can talk to him. The biggest thing is just to talk this through. Admit that it was your fault the argument started BUT, also tell him that it is sometimes out of your control and he needs to be understanding of that. All it takes is a little time and the mood will pass.
2006-11-19 11:58:04 · answer #6 · answered by irishgypsy88 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're both stressed and sometimes it's better to leave rather than stay and have a big fight/argument. Call or go see him and tell him you were stressed and all that stuff that was stressing you is not important to you, he is.
Stop stressing, take things one day at a time. You can only do so much and the rest will just have to wait.
2006-11-19 12:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Listen to yourself:
""He wanted to take a nap and I needed to deal with the mess. I got mad at him and he left and hasn't come home or phoned me. I am hurt because he knows about my mental illness and I don't feel he is being very kind or understanding.""
Even though you were upset, you KNEW he was tired and needed a nap. Couldn't you be upset all by yourself without him as an audience or punching bag?
Sounds to me like you are the one who's not being understanding. He probably did the best thing in removing himself from your episode.
You need to understand not only your problem, but realize that not everyone around you needs to cater to your episodes. Handle them alone and spare your hubby the extra burden. After all, you will have your episode either way.
2006-11-19 11:58:23 · answer #8 · answered by momwithabat 6 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Give him a break. How often has he put up with your sdisability? You should be doing all you can do to help the situation with your illness. Are you taking you meds regularly? He'll be back, but you need to have a changed game plan to keep him from leaving you.
2006-11-19 12:12:45 · answer #9 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He may be being very understanding. He left rather than stand and fight. You have an illness okay. Why does that mean its acceptable for you to work him over. What are his choices? Fight or flight? Its time for you to comprehend that your malady does not make him less understanding by avoiding conflict.
2006-11-19 12:10:52 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋